The View From Here

A Fantastic Journey

2010-10-01T00:00:00.001-04:00

In Andre 3000’s low whisper, “ok here we go…”

I’m gonna try to do this without crying all over my keyboard. But honestly that’s quite a tall order cause this whole thing called The View From Here aka 5andapossible, aka The 5 Spot, is like whispering to your lover, “let’s make a baby,” then after surviving the labor pains of birthing said baby, raising it, chiding it, getting tired of it for being so damned needy and wanting your time and attention, going back to loving it again, and then finally having to let it go.

I have already written about the hows and the whys of the start of 5andapossible, so we shan’t go there today. But I can honestly say that three years ago when I stood in the bathroom doorway and mentioned the idea to my mother, only to be met with a confused look, followed by, “umm…ok,” when I then began asking my friends, “hey do you want to maybe write, like, this thing called a blog with me,” and then when us ladies finally gathered on that Labor Day Monday on my parents’ porch and debated blog names, pseudonyms, topics, and everything in between – I could have never, ever imagined all of this.

All the LOLs. And the chuckles. And the tee hees. The endless loops of laughter. The, “I really liked your post today” from one another. The comments left from strangers and friends. The readers. The debates. The arguments. The early morning conference calls and the rules we laid down at the very beginning. HA! The fact that we would pitifully re-enact our own version of The Five Heartbeats.

That we would fall in love and out of like. That we would lose jobs and gain homes. That we would have to get over that nygga and open our hearts again. That we would travel and party it up. That we would move on and learn how to keep going. That we would accept our callings and find our passions. That we would witness our first Black President and be a part of history. That our bond would be strengthened and tested. That we would dream for each other when someone was too damn tired of dreaming for herself. That we would encourage, congratulate and support. That we would share.

Share our stories. Our changes. Our thoughts. Our opinions. Our flaws. Our contradictions. Our mistakes. Our tears. Our joys. Our struggles with weight, men, love, jobs, co-workers, black folk, Obama, our mamas, each other, life itself. Ourselves. We shared ourselves.

And we found ourselves. We changed. Transformed. Blossomed. Grew up. Got grown. Became wiser. Rooted for each other. Got knocked on our asses. Prayed [and cried] through life’s blows. Praised God for life’s blessings. Learned lessons. Told stories. And as we prepare to enter another decade of life, we have made sure to leave room for improvement. For development. For whatever life brings next.

I called my very first post, A Fantastic Journey, just guessing, but not truly knowing what this blog thing was going to bring. And now, three years later I can honestly say that it was the best thing for me. This pushed me towards my purpose. And I can look back over these last three years and literally chronicle my growth. My stupidity. My a-ha moments. When I felt loved. And when I was hurt. My worry. My loneliness. My struggle and determination to find my place. What brought me joy. How I got over. And moved from mama n’em’s to my own house. How you can plan, but life has other plans. And what you do next makes all the difference. And damn, how three years can really fly by if you're not paying attention.

So, thanks to all the readers, the followers and the fans who have been with us during some or all of these three years – especially in the beginning when we were like, “is anybody out there?” Lol. But most importantly thanks ladies of The 5 Spot for taking the plunge, for writing [almost ;-)] every.single.week just because one day I asked you if you would, for opening up your lives and coming along for the ride. It’s been, truly, fantastic.

That’s my our time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

better late than never

2010-09-30T07:47:00.071-04:00

for the past few months it's been damn near impossible for me to post here. not for a lack of thoughts and feelings swirling through my head. not because there hasn't been plenty work dramer to editorialize. but mostly because i didn't have time. or i didn't make the time. seemed like most thursdays of late i had something better to do or somewhere better to be. and now that we've come to the last post, i regret not having posted on those thursdays past. because now there won't be anymore thursdays here.

as i looked over the 200 pages or so of what i've written here, i'm amazed at the things that i've shared. at the secrets i've let slip. at the raw emotions that i've expressed. and i am forever grateful for the opportunity to have written here. to have opened myself up to you, our anonymous 10 to 20 regular readers. shouts out to mrs. meany for always reading and commenting and to that other girl from jersey for never commenting but always reading!

when we started out, i thought i'd write about legal things since that's what i do for a living. but actually law related topics took up only a small portion of what i've contributed here. it wasn't until amaretto shouted me out on wednesday "for always defending love in all it’s forms!" that i thought ahhh yes, love is the thing!

it's the thing i struggle with expressing some times with friends and family. it's the thing i hold on to so tight for fear that if i let it show, i will lose it, lose myself. it's the thing i so often wish i'd said in that moment when i felt most angry or sad or overjoyed. but that i held inside and thought about over and over again after i walked away.

the beauty of the 5spot is that it has allowed me to show it. even on my perpetually delayed timing. whatever i have been through, if it stuck with me, kept me up at nights, made me want to tell somebody about it, i could do it here. i could sit down, think it over, read it back to myself and realize what my true feelings were about it. and then hit post.

so thank you 5spot. thank you dark&stormy, couvoisier, amaretto, bellini and rum punch. thank you for putting up with my quirky inability to capitalize properly. thank you for reading even when i wasn't quite on schedule, but always on time.

i love ya'll!

This Is It!

2010-09-28T18:00:00.003-04:00

This has to be one of the hardest posts I have ever written. Three years ago I sat at a similar work computer trying to come up with the words that would introduce Amaretto Jenkins to the blog world and this is what I came up with. Egads! It’s like looking at my 7th grade school picture, complete with lopsided ponytail, acne and braces! Sure it’s cute-ish but thank goodness for time changing things!

But I have certain fondness for my Cups Can Save Relationships post because it was the first one I had ever done. And not saying that this will be my last post ever-it will be my last one here *sniffle* and I feel like I should leave our loyal lone reader with something they can ponder in their mind and heart long after we shut the 5 Spot down. But boo hiss, nothing profound is coming to me! Today’s highlights have been getting cupcakes from the cupcake truck that rolls around DC. And, my coworker telling me that if the man she is dating had to go to the hospital today she wouldn’t know about it because his wife would be called instead of her. Ha ha ha! It’s not as random as it sounds ya’ll, she said he was sick last night. But is any of this blog worthy?

And yet that is the most wonderfulest thing about blogging! I could write whatever I wanted, whether folks agreed or even understood my view from here. This place has been where I have been able to sign on to talk foolishness, share my concerns, report some of my wonderful world of working missteps, find racism in the most basic of conversations and put some of my friends on blast by telling their business-only after I finessed some things Amaretto J. style to protect the innocent and guilty alike. And it’s been fun ya’ll!

Well sometimes it was more like Dang is it Tuesday already?! And I’d give evil virtual glances at Mint and Rum because they chose the latter days of the week when we were in the planning phase of this project…not that it matters because 7 days is 7 days-but it just seemed like they had more time. Dark & Stormy and Courvoisier know what I mean! But I’ve truly enjoyed reporting how I’m navigating my twenties with all it’s challenges (men folks), hopes (mo money please), fears (will I be the cat lady?) and debt (student loans suck)! And because I was accountable to 4 other people, blogging didn’t fall by the wayside (often), like when I attempted to keep my own diary. But with 30, Lord willingly, looming within next calendar year I think I need to write down my thoughts somewhere so I can reflect on the younger Amaretto, or at least have something to do and read when I’m bored at work.

It’s funny, in the ironic way, because I stayed having writer’s block-like every week! Yet it seems like there are so many things that I could and should write about. Like that cute baby I saw at church. Or laughing at season one of the Boondocks cause my friend got it on bootleg. Or how I contemplated stealing my neighbor’s cute little doggie yesterday. And what is going to happen to Bracky in 2012? What will I watch at 4pm after Oprah is gone? And I know you just want to know what I would do if the government ever gave me 40 acres and a mule! Oh, this life is filled with the mundane and the insane alike, but there just isn’t enough time to share it all.

And with that said I leave showcasing just a few of my favorites from my co-laborers…

To Dark & Stormy, for getting my week started with a laugh! Thank you!
http://5andapossible.blogspot.com/2007/12/ready-to-rumble.html
http://5andapossible.blogspot.com/2008/04/brother-do-right.html

To Bellini, for being my Wednesday morning Meet the Press! Thank you!
http://5andapossible.blogspot.com/2008/07/state-of-affairs-volii-education.html
http://5andapossible.blogspot.com/2008/11/he-ran-boston.html

To Mint Julep, for always defending love in all it’s forms! Thank you!
http://5andapossible.blogspot.com/2009/03/just-in-case-you-were-wondering-i-love.html
http://5andapossible.blogspot.com/2009/04/one-mogin.html

To Courvoisier, I know it wasn’t easy, but I loved your honest insights! Thank you!
http://5andapossible.blogspot.com/2009/11/everybody-is-healing.html
http://5andapossible.blogspot.com/2010/08/frowned-upon-but-exhilarating.html

And To Rum Punch, this was such a great idea girlfriend! To a lifetime of brilliance!
http://5andapossible.blogspot.com/2007/11/im-not-your-superwoman.html
http://5andapossible.blogspot.com/2008/04/five-dope-girls-in-cadillac.html

So with that I say thank you to all! And a special thanks to our lone loyal reader for enduring when I stepped up on this soapbox and shared. Maybe in our forties we’ll all come back as Starbuck’s coffee drinks to share our views from there.

Until then,
See You In…
Well, until we meet again!

This Whole Experience...

2010-09-27T07:57:00.008-04:00

And now it is time to say good bye to all our company, M-I-C... see you real soon, K-E-Y, why? because we like you. (chuckle)

For four weeks, I have been dreading this post because what I am suppose to say... for minute I thought it would probably be best to just post as normal about some arbitrary topic. It wasn't until I was driving home from DC that I realized... I can't do that! That would diminish the importance of this experience. Because when I really started to think about this whole experience, I thought "WOW! Since I have been spitting my thoughts every Monday, I have managed to become friends with some amazing gals!" I went from only knowing only 2 of the 5 and the possible to getting to know 3 other great women, who were going through some of the same craziness that I was going through. It is funny how you find comfort in numbers.

Something that started off as just a way get some feelings out, say a few things, talk some ish on a Monday... almost became like sunday brunch with your gal pals. It was like going out for drinks Sex in the City style, well you know without the drinks, the heels, you get my drift? Like late night sleep overs that we don't really do anymore because we grown a$$ women unless we sharing a hotel room, that we wish we still did. I never was one for sororities but was always a fan of the sisterhood once all the hazing was done. And that is exactly how I feel about my chicas at 5 and a possible. We may not all live in the same city or even chit chat with each other on the phone, but when we are in the each other's area... we always say whatsup!

What's up?

I can't speak for the other days of the week but I know that some how from just writing my thoughts and feeling out every week, reading and commenting your thoughts every week has some how drawn us together as friends. Which I have to admit is pretty awesome considering, I was reminded the other day that once you are past a certain age, you don't really make a lot of friends that will eventually become close friends. And I am going to have to agree.

This whole experience has been a GREAT one! Love you guys.... MUCH LUV and PEACE!!

A Meeting in the Ladies Room

2010-09-24T00:00:00.007-04:00

Did y’all know that Questlove and Black Thought of the incredible Roots crew don’t really like each other? Yes, apparently Things Fall Apart was more than an album title – it describes their relationship. They got into a fistfight whilst overseas in like 1997 or 98 and have never been cool since. But obviously, professionally, they can come together to get the job done. And make that money, honey.

I thought of this when I was watching one of the greatest shows ever – aka Unsung! (On TVone for those of you who don't know). And they were focusing on Klymaxx, the all female band. Basically after years of struggling and putting out albums that went nowhere, they finally caught their big break, had some major hits and then…things fell apart.

There were hurt feelings. And backstabbing. And votes to kick people out the group being taken behind folks back. And people being put out the group. It was a HUGE mess. And it all boils down to the fact that women don’t like confrontation. Don’t want to be honest with each other. Can’t say to someone’s face, “I know you the lead singer, but your swole pregnant ass can’t be up here on stage with us anymore. And we definitely ain’t gon’ be totin no baby round on the road.”

Yes, it sounds harsh. But better to get it out now, instead of having things implode later.

So, admittedly, I have been watching Jersey Shore on MTV (well up until like two weeks ago before life got hectic). Yes, there will be time for you to judge me later. Anyway. One of the roommate’s on again, off again boyfriend who also lives in the house with them was going to the club and kissing other girls. Two other chicks in the house knew this. The chick kept asking them what he was doing at the club. They kept being evasive. And then came up with the brilliant plan to write her a letter detailing his transgressions. As if she wouldn’t know it was her.

But anyone with sense who was watching (but why would you watch if you had sense) was probably like me, screaming at their TV, and being like, “JUST BE A GROWN WOMAN ABOUT YOURS AND TELL HER THE TRUTH!” And then let the chips fall where they may. Let her pick up the pieces. Let her confront him. But be woman enough to have truth as the starting place.

I’m sure there is some research about women’s brains and biological make-up that I could find if it weren't so late that would say that we are “wired” to be more emotional vs. logical. And all that jazz. But I wonder how much farther along we could be as a gender if we put emotions aside, didn't take things so personal, and just got the job done.

As someone who works in an organization that is 99.9% (white) women, I've witnessed up close - the sidesteps, the pleasantries, the frenemies, the smile in your face talk bout you while you walk away, the ~~under~~ non performing co-workers who are kept on because managers are too nice and don't want to do the dirty work and fire anyone. And I've seen black women (myself included) try to take the more direct approach, to call 'em out on their bullish, only to be labeled as angry, threatening, non cooperative. And it's a frustrating existence filled with lots of what the fuss!

So maybe this is women's lot in life. To be too nice. To care too much about what others think. To be unable to dislike and still work beside each other. But I hope not.

I hope we can raise up a generation of girls who become women, who can look each other in the eye, speak their mind, keep it honest, and then either walk away or work it out - from the board room to ladies room.

That's my time y'all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

finding what matters

2010-09-23T05:57:00.001-04:00

6 months ago, i hated where i worked. really hated it. i loved what i was doing but i hated the environment: a poorly managed frat house masquerading as a non-profit organization. and so i did what i always do when i start to hate my environment. i look for the next exit. the quickest out. i sent out a few resumes and prayed for a change. i complained to rum punch and mentally checked out of the office.

and then nothing happened. there was no quick escape hatch. no job opportunities forthcoming. and i realized i was stuck. at least for the immediate future. before when i wanted an out, i found one within a few months. but the economy had other plans. God had other plans.

i had to deal with my environment in a totally new way. putting the people aside, why was i here? why did i come here? to try cases and to help people fight off the oppressive weight of the criminal justice system. and that's what i needed to do. focus on those 2 things. do those and nothing else. become so good at those things that they couldn't tell me nothing. tune out everything and everyone else.

now this hasn't been easy because my work environment is full of bitchassness and incompetence. i curse a lot of people out in my mind. i send sarcastic yet polite emails to all that highlight the ridiculousness that is office (mis)management. i pretty much do my thing and keep it moving.

and this week i did my thing really well. i had trial every day of the week and despite a brief moment of doubt (and a few unnecessary tears) i prevailed. my clients prevailed. it was the most exciting, exhilarating and mentally exhausting week of my career. and i loved it. i love what i do. and that's the most important thing.

Undercovers

2010-09-22T11:30:00.001-04:00

yaaaayyy.. it's humpday wednesday... and to get me through the day NBC will debut "Undercovers". Now if you know nothing else Bellini is a renaissance woman - check the bio to the right. And loves the underground. So the series debut of 'Undercovers' has me piqued because the premise is intriguing bump what the NY Times wrote i would link it- but I ain't trying to dignify simple s***. considering I visited the International Spy Museum not too long ago - I am a primed spectator for this event. And it doesn't hurt that Boris is a decent actor evident by 'Soul Food' Showtime series. Sorry don't know much about the British actress, Gugu Mbatha-Raw. Please watch, especially if it's good. There is a dearth of good television and this may ameliorate current conditions, until the 'The Game' is back!

back to Undercovers

The series premise led by two black espionage agents, Steven (Boris Kodjoe) and Samantha (Gugu Mbatha-Raw) Bloom own Bloom Catering and rejoin the CIA posing as caterers. OMG, there are so many story plots that can evolve from this situation. JJ Abrams do not screw this up. You know for the most part most television series based on espionage have been pretty good (i.e. 'Alias', '24', 'The Unit' and I slept on the Unit and it was too late!). Anyhoo - you should be in for a treat. Don't forget to tell me what you think.

cheers,

Bellini

P.S. sorry about not providing the post on Chancellor Rhee and DC education, i need a raincheck

Finishing the Race

2010-09-21T20:30:00.002-04:00

It might be because the seasons are changing, or the fact that we will soon be signing off the 5 spot, but I find myself wondering “What’s next?”

You know what I mean?

Think about all the things you have planned for yourself, from the initial formation of an idea to finally accomplishing what you set out to do. It’s quite a consuming and often laborious process. I remember during my senior year so much of my time, money and energy went into preparing for prom. There was finding a dress, finding a date, finding a limo, who’s going to chip in and pay for the limo, where are we eating dinner, who’s going to fix my hair and do my make-up? And then after months of preparation it was over. Just like that. There were so many things that needed to be taken care of! All this for just one night of my life! And what came next? Well graduation, college, and life- with all of it’s bells and whistles, highs and lows, joys and sorrows.

My pastor preached an excellent sermon a few weeks ago about answered prayers and it had me floored. I won’t get all preachy with ya’ll but he talked about a couple who had prayed for a child for years and years, had defined and even labeled their lives as the childless old couple. But when they finally conceived a child, and stood face to face with no longer being barren, but fruitful parents-they didn’t know how to act. I was on the floor because initially I was like how could they react anyway other than with joy?! But then I got to thinking about myself. Much of my twenties have been marked by, and dare I say I let these twenties be defined by my situations. The money I didn’t have, the debt I did have, the degrees I didn’t have, the job I wanted, the spouse I didn’t have and on and on. And now that I am at a point where things have changed, I don’t know how to act! What is one to do when once heavy burdens are lifted, and dreams are realized and promises fulfilled? It’s almost like when the slaves toiled in the South, were abused by their captors, fought for a freedom they had distantly hoped for and when they got that freedom-some wanted to stay on pickin’ master’s cotton! And as foolish as that is, I can understand it because for so long they knew nothing else.

And as people folks we can get use to certain things. The friends that don’t treat us right. The bosses that don’t appreciate what we do. The struggle to make ends meet. The carrot we’ve keep chasing. The plans that we keep making for that one day when… But little thought goes into what to do when the ends are meet, we grab that carrot and that one day arrives. It can be scary when we to come to that place where we get all that we hope for and deserve because it’s the unknown. After struggling for so long… After being abused for so long…After being a slave for so long… now what?

But I believe that change is the one thing we can count on in this here life of ours. And I am accepting the fact that we are (well let me just speak for me-I am) continual works in progress, being and becoming our best. And once a dream is realized, even if it took nearly a decade to get there, there is no need to fear what’s going to happen next! Why? Because you deserve to cross that finish line, grab your trophy, get your photo took…and then start planning how to win the next race.

See You In Seven

From girl to WOMAN

2010-09-20T09:56:00.000-04:00

Today I told an old friend "REAL TALK: You have no idea what it is like to like someone who doesn't feel the same. It is a constant battle between the mind and your emotions. Lucky for you, I am a smart woman and not a hopeless romantic. Hopefully you can respect that."

Damn!

After I said it, I had to replay it for a minute in my mind. It's been a minute since I was that up front. Wasn't afraid of loosing anything and was willing to accept the consequences because it was the truth.

Niave is what I try not to be.

Honest with myself first and with others second is what I was striving for most times.

It wasn't easy to say but I had to let a brotha know... so the next time you reach out to me because you realize you haven't heard from me in a minute... remember what it is. There is a reason I probably don't call you anymore. Not because I dislike you but because I don't dislike you enough.

Today, I just didn't feel like being a girl and pretending that your words were genuine even though mind is telling me your actions are truth. Without even thinking about it I called myself a woman and just wasn't interested in purposefully hurting myself.

If you know what I am saying ? (chuckle)

Much luv until next week... peace :)

Do You See What I See?

2010-09-17T18:40:00.003-04:00

So I told Mint Julep that I didn't want to be one of those people who's like, "so I was listening to NPR the other day..." But ummm...err...so I was listening to NPR the other day and this guy had written a book about growing up with his single mother.

Now, in my ignorance I assumed dude was Black and just you know real articulate. Heh. Although when he said he and his homeboy decided to drive from Texas to Alaska and the car broke down in Oregon and he fell in love with the trees and decided to settle there - that should have clued me in that he was in fact white.

So NPR chick is like, "growing up did you have any male role models?" And he's like, "yes. There was this guy in the neighborhood. And the other one was Bill Cosby on the Cosby show. Back then I thought it was Black people whose families that were intact. I thought that all Black kids grew up with their dads."

I was in the car like, SAY YOU SWEARRRR! That's bananas, man! But it's really not, is it? It's all about perception. This is why I hate, like really hate, when rappers and athletes (and other famous folk) be on that, "I am not a role model" ish. And kids shouldn't do what I do. Or pay attention to what I do. Cause my actions shouldn't have any influence over their lives. Or impact their thoughts. Or their views. When that's totally not the reality.

The reality is that people look for answers, for solace, for understanding of themselves, their life, their corner of the universe, from various outlets: personal relationships with family, friends & others; the lack of relationships with family, friends & others; books; movies; televesion; music, travel; and on.

You can never know what will color someone's context. Their perception. Their idea of the world. But once you find out, it's usually fascinating. And sometimes totally unexpected.

That's my time y'all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

Something New...

2010-09-13T19:57:00.003-04:00

Sometimes someone new is the most exciting part.
Dialogue these make me chuckle to myself...

After you have already asked me out on a date and accepted, you ask me rather coy "Do you have a boyfriend?"

(chuckle)

"WOW! I think... shouldn't I have mentioned that two conversations ago, if that was the case?" I say.

"Well, you never know. Island women."

(chuckle)

"Oh no you didn't Island man?!?! You must think I just swam up on shore."

Straight answer "NO."

My turn "So do you have any women that would say you are their man?"

Silence.

"That is an interesting way to ask the question... not that I know of. I have friends but NO one I would call my girlfriend."

(chuckle)

Couvoisier coming out and asking negros straight up now! We all have friends but what I want to know is how much of those friends you misleading and got hanging around. To answer this question like "not that you know of" makes me believe that there is one that may getting the most attention and could beg to differ with your stance on the relationship. Just saying.

"Why do you laugh? What about you?" he says.

"Well, first off I am allergic to drama and I have a secret fear of being shot in the face so NO. I am not leading anybody on. And if you catch any dude telling you, I am his woman ask him if he said that to my face."

Laughs all around... you got me. Okay then... so far so Good.

Much luv until next week peace :)

Whip My Burden Down

2010-09-10T11:23:00.005-04:00

Even though we had Monday off (well I did – let me not speak for erybody), this feels like the longest week ever. My work woes make me wanna holla, throw up bof my hands, then bring em back down and smack my crazy co-worker. This week has me being like eff this thing called adulthood. Eff bills. Eff continued car problems. Eff these centipede bugs in my house. Eff working out and tryna be fit. Eff my responsibilies. Nope I don't wanna do it. Don't wanna help you. Or you. Or you either. What I really wanna do, what I really wanna do, I wanna go back and lay on the beach RIGHT FREAKIN NOW!

Ahhhhh but that is not life. It goes on and so do we, just how we it is no mystery...* But this week has me thinking about what we put weight on. How the things we dwell on probably will be of little importance in life’s overall timeline. How what we think matters so much at the time will barely register years from now. And if it does, you be like, "I was trippin off that?!? What was wrong with me?"

This week I thought about how I used to work for a crazy woman who lived in DC, but one day claimed she was stranded at Reagan National Airport. Yes, you read that right. No it didn't make sense then and years later it still don't. And it made me realize in the midst of my current crazy how far I had come.

Back then I truly hated my job. Not just the people. The whole job. I was living at home. Waitressing at the skrip club on the weekends. Dating some dude who is now engaged to another chick. Ha! But what did I focus on back then? The crazy. The totally insane. The negative. The stressful situation. The complaints. The I needs. The 'get me the hell outta here', please and thanks pleas.

It’s what we do. Get bogged down in the details of life. Let the daily grind wear us down. Sweat allll the small stuff. Focus on the tears. Forget the things that make us smile. Shoooottt...forget to even smile.

But last night after I cooked myself a tasty meal and enjoyed being a couch potato, I stood in the front of my bedroom mirror with a hairbrush in one hand and channeled my inner 12 year old to Willow Smith’s new song ‘Whip My Hair’. Ok. I know. It’s not the best song ever. But it’s catchy and cute. And I, Rum Punch, whipped my hair back and forth, and did the wop, and almost gave myself whiplash. And in those three minutes I was carefree. Laughing. Unburdened. Shoved adult things aside for a few moments to just breathe. Sing. And whip it. Whip it real good.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

*I really loved Empty Nest back in the day. NBC had a good Saturday line up back then.

Go 'head and whip yo' hair back and forth at your desk! :-)

it's yours to lose

2010-09-08T12:00:00.000-04:00

sometimes in life, the stars are aligned and preparation happens to meet opportunity and cue Nas "the world is yours"...

So given the DC primary is next week - the defacto mayoral election, I have to wonder is hubris Mayor Adrian Fenty's downfall? Mayor Fenty, as a native Washingtonian, how could you not be a pupil of DC mayoral politics? Yes, it is about results, but folks have to feel good about the results. Your constitutents have to feel like THEY HAVE OWNERSHIP of those results even the "good" results. And not just the oligarchy, hermetic elite, and/or the gentrified transplants. Speaking of constituents, did you forget the demographics of your city? Fool, it hasn't tipped over yet!

But the real question is who are your pollsters? Where are your trusted confidants? Some sources claim you wouldn't listen, given your hubris that's plausible. How is it that four years ago you claim every ward in the city, and now can't even stake claim in your home turf? And to think if you fail next week, there is no one else to blame. Fool, don't know your political hustle is about the work you put in. Remember, you beat Linda Cropp beacuse you excelled in pedestrian politics (i.e. knocking on doors, meeting residents on both sides of river, etc.). You appeared operative word that you cared, espoused empathy and in contrast to your formal challenger Ms. Cropp you coerced the narrative framing her as aloof and distant.

Anyone who is contemplating living in DC or currently lives there should know this: DC is on par to be that da$$ city. There is no rewinding of the clock, so rest assured if Fenty does not win there the city is not going backwards. The Mayor's contendor, Vince Gray, will maintain the tempo. He has too - he has no other choice. All Gray can do is facilitate cosmetic changes to his or his constitutent's preference hint-hint.

You can only understand the depth of Fenty's fall from grace, when a DC resident also Fenty supporter expressed his perspective about Fenty's opponent, "How can people vote for a man whose never articulated a policy before, never uttered anything?" That's the way the cookie crumbles my apologies for the colloquial speak.

Bellini, What about Rhee and the state of DC education... folks that's another post. Promise to break it down next week...

cheers,

Bellini

P.S. DC 101: Folks never understood how former Mayor Marion Barry got reelected. 'cuz Barry knew his constituents and was well aware that demographics were still in his favor.

Headline News?

2010-09-07T18:15:00.002-04:00

Maybe the solution is that I just shouldn’t watch it anymore, but I am getting sick and tired of the news media opining about these mid term elections! Oh the Democrats are in trouble! President Obama’s approval ratings are down. The Democratic incumbents are becoming the underdogs. Enough already! Who gives a beep?!

Haven’t we heard all this flim flam before when Baby Bush ran things and the Republican majority was ousted? How about under the Clinton Administration and there was this whole movement to return to conservatism? Why is this even news? Well actually I get why its news because it’s all about the Benjamins what! And that’s what they want me to care about-but I don’t, I really really don’t like for real! There ain’t nothing new about this story of whose going to control the government, it isn’t going to be me or my friends anytime soon so, yeah next! Dare I say I’d prefer to hear the standard news fare of a missing white kid, how it’s anti-American to be against illegal immigration, or heck I’d take a nice story about how the South will rise again. But alas, I feel like the media is insulting my intelligence by shoving these pundits and experts in my face, sans crystal balls, to tell me what’s going to happen next. Say whaaat? The best these folks can do is spectulate and I can do that without being in the business of politics and tell you that the Republicans will rise again!

Now for my close up! How do I know? Because that’s what always happens. The economy goes up and down. Sometimes we feel like saving our planet, sometimes our water bottle ends up in a landfill. Sometimes I feel like a nut, and sometimes I don’t. At the end of the day, or at least around 7ish I need news that I can use. Like tell me where the cheapest gas is at! Tell me how I can convince my bosses that I don’t have to come into the office-like ever again! Tell me how to make a dollar out of fifteen cents.

So why don’t I just turn the news off? I guess because I am a stickler for weather reports and their “Do They Really Do That” segments. And I don’t want to be the bumpkin who doesn’t know what’s going on in this here world of ours, or at least not know what everyone else is talking about. But I think this morning whilst getting ready to wheel and deal with my workmates I heard them diss President Obama once again, and blame him for why the Democrats are on shaky ground right now, and that was my tipping point! I just had to audibly say-to no one in particular because I live alone-Really? Because in my humble opinion what’s happening now has no direct cause or effect, it’s just time. Just like always, its time for a change. I am so tired of the sensationalShirleySherrodgateNoonebotheredtochecktherest/
of.the.tape?! type of news they are trying to get me to buy into. I just want to know if the latest George Foreman grill will make my food taste like I studied at Le Cordon Bleu, is that too much to ask?

See You In Seven

Blind Date

2010-09-03T00:00:00.001-04:00

Where (and by default how) should a woman meet a man? This is not the start of a riddle. This is a genuine question. There has always been the clucking of tongues when people meet at bars. And I recently heard on NPR that the “stigma” of meeting someone online is “fading away”. Or something.

But as one gets older – what is the proper way to meet a potential mate? I ask because a former co-worker told me that she met this dude at Largo. I’m guessing the mall. But I don’t really know the inner workings of gorgeous Prince George’s (County) like that. So I’m like huh? And then she tells me how their “relationship” was on crack and speed combined and he was talkin some you're my girlfriend in like two days. And then things subsequently crashed and burned. And I’m sitting there like huh? But he could be… A whole lotta things is what Amaretto and I agreed upon. And at the top of that list, he turned out to be crazy.

But this is normal behavior for her. She would always be coming with some story of I met him while we were both driving on the highway and he shouted his number. Or I was standing on the street corner and he drove past saying he liked my style. Or I was in the [insert your favorite fine dining chain restaurant here] parking lot and he pulled up and we ended up talking for hours. Uh. Wheredeydodatat?

Color me confused, but these sound like scenarios from my high school/college days. And even then I was not fina call no nig from the highway. And we won’t even get into my other recently separated, new to the dating world co-worker who is part of some ~~online community~~ mess called Tagged. It’s like Black Planet, MySpace, and Match.com all in a pitiful, hotghettoomess (no BET) place. But when not trolling the nets, she is now smitten with the dude who delivers the meat to the grocery store near our workplace . Ummm… Ok. If you like it, I love it. I guess…

Amaretto and I have been joking about a post on someone being kid tested and mother approved. You know? That there is someone in your life who will say this is a cool person worthy of your time. And also stamp you as cool and worthy. The last few guys I have been out with have had a connection to someone or some parts of my life. Either it was a blind date. Or we went to high school together (but didn’t kick it like that at the time). Or it was a friend of a friend.

Regardless of the situation, I could verify with someone I know and trust who the hell this person is. At least the seemingly important parts. Like, no he doesn't have a wife and two kids back home that he's just no telling you about. Or yes he does work, like actually WORK there. And yes I did see him walk 'cross that stage and get his dimploma. And on. I mean there’s a reason the old folk talk about a time when you looked someone in the face and asked the important question, “who your folk?” Or “who your mama n’em?” Cause they had to know if they were looking crazy/alcoholics/pure dysfunctionism in the face. And if they were gon' let alladat in they family.

So Minty has hipped to this thing that real life matchmaker (and cutie pie) Hitch does on Twitter. Every Wednesday he picks one of his male clients to feature. He might give a few stats. The man’s age, occupation, city. And then women can “ask” real life Hitch questions and he will provide the bachelor’s answers. Now. We know Twitter is limited to 140 characters, right? Riiight. So how deep can these questions be? And should I mention that he doesn’t reveal the bachelor’s photo til the end? And then from all the women who asked questions, real life Hitch picks one – and the two go on a date. Ok.

I’ve checked it the past three weeks. And these women are thirsty as hell. And I’ma go ahead and qualify that with Black. Cause I know these are Black women. Who are thirsty as hell. And I’m like damn! It’s like that? You trust some dude in this game all in the name of ~~profit~~ love to set you up with a stranger?!? And you don’t even know what dude looks like? You just think he's a good catch cause... Cause why?

Cause the game done changed. Cause up is down. And gay is straight. And people get fake offended when you ask the hard questions. And then want to act like you should trust them after a month. And you know you shouldn't. But clocks tick. And ~~people~~ women get desperate. And let their guards down. Or think that maybe meeting him in this dark ass club is not such a bad thing. Especially if he takes you out in the daytime. And you can be the anomaly. That couple that met in a bar and got married! Yayyy! And, and, and...people grope in the dark for some kind of truth. Some kind of connection. Some kind of love.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

women are funnny!

2010-09-01T12:00:00.002-04:00

so this is a recollection of stories seen, heard, observed, and everything in between.

So, a co-worker shared a story that occured a few months ago... As she and her boyfriend were plannig for their recent vacay to Mexico. Now her boyfriend - Taylor*, likes to shower her with gifts. So, in preparation for the trip, he purchased a dress from Bebe. So, the sales associate embarks on the attack...

"Wow-how sweet that you're shopping for you Mother."
"Uhh-not my mother - my girlfriend."
"Oh, so your girl is a size 6. Well next time when you shop for me, I'm a size 4."
"No, thanks. I like my woman with some meat!"

That's right Taylor shut that b*sh down. Women are funnny!

Now a few weeks ago I attended a wedding. The bride has only one sister. So, after the nuptials, when it was time to take pictures. The bride's sister refused to be in any of the pictures. Her logic was given the fact that she snapped a few pics, she was occupied with that endeavor. I must be Boo-boo the fool as my manicurist would say 'cuz you snapped a FEW pics and commenced to smoked your cigar (outside in the hot a$$ sun). But folks, the sister is just mad and bitter. See bitter sister has been a girlfriend for 17 years and counting and the bride married her boyfriend in 5 years. So sister reckons she can be selfish?
Women are funny!

Now there's a friend, Kai, who has a daughter and she and the child's father, TJ, have since moved on. TJ is married and Kai is in a long-term relationship. But for some reason her TJ's-wife wants them to besties. She invites her to all functions, tries to friend her on Facebook, etc. Now Kai is cool-she prefers relationships of the organic variety. Just let it flow, not some manufactured situation. And TJ's wife, Vanesssa, doesn't realize that Kai has peeped her game. There have been times when Vanessa has been insecure and prompted TJ to "choose" between she and his daughter. what are you talkin' bout Bellini Well, back when Kai and TJ were a couple he showered her with some trinkets from Tiffanys and Co... and Vanessa became inadvertently aware since one of her stepdaughter's trinkets formerly belonged to Kai. So, when Valentine's Day rolled around and the daughter asked TJ to take her to Tiffany's so she could buy her Mom her Valentine's Day gift - Vanessa went ballistic! Vanessa informed her husband "doesn't she have enough from Tiffanys!?" Well, I'll stay in the car while you two do that." Alrighty then.
Women are funnny!

And thank God, Bellini is nothing like that...

cheers,

Bellini

Just Passing It Along

2010-08-31T18:00:00.001-04:00

Heeeeeeeeeey ya'll! Sorry for not posting last week, and sorry for not really posting this week; but it's just been crazy in my personal and work life here lately-and it would take many a blog-that I am too slouthful to write-to get all my feelings and obeservations out in a way that doesn't portray me as a ranting and raving lunatic. And I say all dat to say, Imma do better by ya'll next month!

So, my coworker sent me the following email today and I thought it was pretty interesting in the ha ha ha ho ho ho way-and that's probably because it was a welcomed distraction from work. Not that Mr. Tazz Daddy is wrong, I think women need more insights from non female or gay male friends on the inner workings of masculine mind-but it's like just when I thought all I needed to know was how to cook, save money, find a bargain, balance a checkbook, give back to my community, love the Lord and be a good sistergirl friend and a regular ole girlfriend-I get this. What he mean that I can no longer have Beyonce as my life coach? Say whaaaaaaaaaat?

15 Things All Black Women Should Know

1. We don’t think that every Black woman is a bitch, but we damn sure know the difference between a bitch and a lady. It would behoove you to conduct yourself in a positive manner. We don’t have time for a lot of slick talking, unnecessary debate.

2. Your job doesn’t mean anything to us and neither does your title. When we choose a mate, were more concerned with how they act, and if they’re able to carry on a stimulating intellectual conversation about various subjects. I’m not going to say that we don’t care what you look like physically, because that would be lying. Men definitely care about how you look; we’re just not as obsessed with it as you think we are.

3. We can’t stand your hair weaves! We can’t touch your hair, let alone pull it during sex. So many of you start off with such long beautiful hair, and then the very next week it brand-new hair sewn in. This totally baffles us; it makes us feel like you never satisfied with your image. When it comes to choosing a mate we don’t want an indecisive, self-conscious woman. And we all know you don’t want an indecisive self-conscious man!

4. We don’t want to hear about your ex-boyfriends/husbands and how horrible they were to you. We are not responsible for their mistakes, nor will we sit around and pay for them. If you have not given yourself enough time to get over your ex, do us a favor and seek psychological help before entering into a relationship with us.

5. No Black Man respects Steve Harvey’s opinion on women. This man is a professional comedian who is backed up by Oprah Winfrey. How can you believe advice from a woman who can’t commit to a man she’s been with for over 20 years? That’s as asinine as me giving diet tips!

6. We know the difference between a wife and a jumpoff. We don’t need to hear you tell us how much of a "good woman" you are. That will be evidenced by the way that you carry yourself.

7. Its true: All Men Are Dogs! What you fail to realize is that all dogs have different pedigrees! It’s up to you to determine the difference between the poodles, the mongrels, the German shepherds, and the rabid pit bull’s. Depending on the pedigree some dogs are loyal, and some dogs are wayward much that you should never touch because you could catch something: like rabies!

8. We want a woman who’s going to be willing to submit to us. Where women mess up, is by thinking that we mean that we want a slave, or a maid. A man who is bringing his A-game desires a cheerleader from the sidelines, who can double as an assistant coach. We also want someone who can play wide receiver as well as understand that there is only room for one quarterback. In layman’s terms, we don’t want you behind us, we want you beside us. We need women who are able to support our dreams and our vision without all of the nagging and jaw jacking that tends to come with some sistas.

9. Your girlfriends have absolutely no business in our relationship/marriage! Many of today’s modern women feel like they need someone to cosign every decision they make in their relationship/marriage. This annoys the living daylights out of every Black man I know including myself. And that goes double for your male "best friend". This guy either wants to sleep with you (and you’re unaware of it) or he already has in the past. Either way, he DAMN SURE doesn’t need to know what’s going on in our relationship/marriage!

10. Sex and children are not weapons! If you manipulate a man by using sex and children, you will eventually find yourself by yourself! Or there’s the alternative: you find yourself with a man who truly does not want to be with you but has no choice, because he wants to see his child. When it comes to sex, it can only hold a weak man hostage. Strong men who have their lives together understand that they have many options. Some of which, are better options than you are.

11. Mind games never work! Even if you manage to manipulate a man, sooner or later he’ll become aware of your manipulation and he will resent you for it. Thinking that you are slicker than a can of oil, can only lead you to slip up! Men respect women who can be open and honest with them! After all, isn’t that what you want in a man?

12. don’t go through our phones, our computers or through our cars without our permission. When you choose to become a private detective in your relationship/marriage, you’re telling us that you don’t have any trust in us at all! Once the trust is broken, you have nothing left to stand on in your relationship. You are not Sherlock Holmes, you are not Nancy Drew, and you damn sure are not Joey Greco from the TV show Cheaters. If you have questions and concerns, open your mouth and addressed him like an adult. If you can’t do this, and you feel the need to snoop, you might as well leave the relationship.

13. If you have one or more friends who is a slut, most men will tend to believe that you probably are a slut as well. While that sounds particularly harsh, it’s how man’s brains are wired. Even if you’re not a slut or a whore, why would you condone the behavior of your "friend" who acts like one? That makes as much sense as a man who has a friend who does not take care of his children. Or about as much sense as a man who has a friend who cheats on his wife. If your woman with even the smallest ounce of self-respect, you would question us the same way that we would question you if you had a friend who was as open as a Waffle House in the middle of Georgia.

14. Don’t Listen to the Media! As a broadcast professional of over 20 years, I can assure you that when information is put out of about Black men and Black women, it is done for one purpose and one purpose alone: Ratings! The media is in the business of Ratings, Revenue & Entertainment, not in the business of serving the Black community and Black women in a way that will uplift and empower them. Black men are not all gay or on the "Down Low"! Black men are not all in jail/prison! There are plenty of us who are educated, eligible, hard working and who are willing to love you unconditionally if given the chance. You have to be willing to come to the realization that your "Knight in shining armor" may come in the form of a plumber, mail carrier, or small business owner. If you spend your life waiting on the float with Mr. Universe on it, you’re going to miss the entire parade!

15. Stop using Beyoncé as a life coach! In recent years, Beyoncé, along with several other R&B artists have made these "Women’s Empowerment Anthems" that have led women to believe that they can throw us "to the left". Contrary to public opinion and prior belief, if you "bust the windows out of our cars", we’re going to press charges against you. If you spend your time looking for a "Sponsor", and Honestly Believe That "If We Liked It Then We Should’ve Put a Ring on it", then you truly don’t understand what we’re all about! to us what we hear one and say that she wants a "sponsor", we hear that she’s trying to use her vagina and good looks for money. Believe it or not, most men don’t want a prostitute. Also, when we Love you, we will "put a ring on it", and not a minute before where ready! Finally, Beyoncé may talk a good game on records and in videos, but what most of you are failing to realize is that she is a very Happily Married Woman! Beyoncé is also the woman who wrote the song "Cater to You", but for some strange reason you don’t go around quoting that one!

Ladies, these views are my personal take on things that my friends and I have always had issues with when it came to Black women. I hope you take this letter and the spirit of honesty, and not turn it into an attack on all Black Women.

Your love, honored, and respected, but like some Black men, some of you need to get it together.

Tazz Daddy is an Award Winning Cultural Specialist, Radio Personality, Lecturer and Author. His latest book: "Common Sense Ain’t Common", is available for pre-order at the "books" tab at http://TazzDaddy.com/

So is there anything that you just don't agree with? Do you have a #16 or a list of things all men should know about women? Care and share it here!

See You In Seven

No patience...

2010-08-30T00:00:00.001-04:00

Last week, I confirmed something about my personality. I think I already knew this but it is officially written in stone now.

I can only do the pity thing but for so long before I snap into get-it-together mode and do something! It is the only way I feel like I am actually getting over it is by doing something, try, no matter what I predict the outcome will be.

Which brings me to my share-all story today. I have a friend (not me of course) that had a strong feeling that he was going to be laid off about two months ago. At this time I told him, "Well it sounds like it is time for you to update your resume and send it out." His response was that he had been working for this company for 20 years and was going to just hang tight to see where it goes since the last time they did lay-offs they kept him. (DEEP SIGH) I say "Okay, but you are aware that you can do both, right?"

Fast forward 2 months later, he finds out that they are laying him off. Okay before I tell you more details, lay-offs happen I understand, but this, what I am about explain, I don't.

First, your supervisor says I think we might lay you off next week Friday. Keyword = Think. That is rather unprofessional and inappropriate.

Second, on Monday the owner of the company pulls you in the hallway to ask you if you heard about the finances.

[Pause Why do I care? [Play]

He tells you the company isn't doing to well and he is Sorry

[Play]

That he has had to lay-off a few people including his daughter.

[Play]

Because she isn't producing.

[Pause] "Why do I care?" [Play]

And I want you to know that I kind of need you around this week to do some stuff but understand if you are unable to...

[Pause] This situation is getting way too manipulative for me... first you go for the pity card about how YOUR company isn't doing well that you had to let down your own child. (Who we know will be fine because a man who hires his daughter to run one of his office locations doesn't just stop doing for her in a time of need.) Then you try to hit me with the but I need you to stay I just don't know until when... I got get everything from you first. EXCUSE ME?[Play]

At this point I say: So did you ask him when is your official last day?

His response: No I did not but let me tell you the rest of the story.

He then proceeds to tell boss man that he will stay and hang around and he understands.

[Pause] Why would you say you understand? What do you understand? Did you leave out some information when telling me the story so I don't understand.[Play]

He says: Well, I didn't want to burn any bridges. And he said he was going rehire us in a month.

I say: Sigh. This is just too much. How is asking the man when he thinks your official last day is burning a bridge. Sigh. Seriously? Twenty years of dedicated hard work would be flushed down the drain if you asked this question? So I said, did you at least set-up a follow up meeting to discuss your exit?

Response: No

[Pause] Okay at this point, I am like why didn't you ask these questions? I am only 29 and you are 37. [Play]

I say: These thoughts didn't cross your mind?

His Response: Not really.

[Pause] That is when it all clicked me... this makes sense. This is why you were there for 20 years. (BIG turn off for me!)

We did the pity-me behavior Friday through Sunday... not talking to nobody... staying in the house. When are we going to get moving. So I said what did you spend the day doing then... debriefing?

He says: No. I was at Borders and Fye.

I said: You weren't updating your resume at work? Sense you were too said to do it on Saturday. Or maybe writing up a memo debriefing on your accounts so the exit could be less painful and more professional.

He says: Nah, I am going to wait until we are done debriefing, that could happen whenever they want, and then I am going to talk about paying me my vacation because I know I am not going to get a severance.

[Pause] Did they say you weren't getting severance? [Play]

Him: No.

Okay so why are you waiting until they have gotten all the information they need to continue business without you to negotiate whether they should pay you a severance and vacation pay? The minute they are debrief on your accounts, your position is officially redundant they have all they need and no need to negotiate. This is why homeboy approached you the way that he did on Monday because he knows that your supervisor already told you maybe getting laid off next week. He knew you knew, that is why he asked you about the finances. Your boss and him already talked about it and made that decision sonny. The only thing that is currently being assessed right now is status of your work and the action plan for your role. HELLO?!?!

SILENCE.

Hello?!? Everything you are telling me I already know.

I said, "Oh, I am sorry. The way you were telling me the story and how you planned on handling it doesn't lead me to believe you do. My bad. No offense. Just trying to make sure you don't allow people to take advantage of you."

SILENCE.

Hello?!?!?

He says: I have to just do what they tell me.

My thoughts: Well if that ain't some coon like behavior. WHAT?! You don't have to do a DAMN thing! (sigh) I digress because obviously I expect too much from folks, maybe I hang out with too many entitled folks and it is rubbing off on me or may I am plain ole delusional. (sigh)

He says: The owner says he doesn't know the details of the figures.

My thoughts: I said I digress. You are a fool if you believe that! And if this was true, then he shouldn't tell you he is laying you off and will maybe hire you in a month... it is inappropriate, one. And two, why would you want to work a company that is SO poorly ran?

I say NOT A DAMN THING... but good night I have to be in NYC in the morning.

Peace and much luv until next week.... I am onto the next one :)

Purpose Driven Life

2010-08-27T00:00:00.001-04:00

Hey y'all! I am writing this post late Tuesday night, going into Wednesday, to arrive on your computer screens this Friday. The reason? Cause I'm on my way outta town for a much needed vacation! And I like to be responsibleish.

Originally this post was gonna be me just throwing up the deuces mixed in with some 'these are my confessions'. And I was gonna talk about how this is my first vacation alone and I'm ascared, not because I don't enjoy my own company (I loves me!) but because I felt like this was like three toes over the line of SINGLE BLACK WOMAN FO' LIFE! But then...

Amaretto and I witnessed something tragic (and traumatic) on Monday night. And in that moment all the seemingly cliche things people tell you about life: that it's short, and priceless, and not promised, and fleeting - were proven right in that instant. The old folk (and the Bible) say, watch and pray, [for no one knows the day or the hour.] And man, that last pearl of wisdom is all I've been able to think about.

And so I unwrapped myself out of all the worry I felt about going on a vacation alone and forced myself to evaluate the sit'chation. Why am I going on vacation? Cause I need a DAMN vacation! And I'm grown! And I'm tired and just wanna lay on somebody's beach. And if not now, then when? And yet two of my aunties were like, "be honest. Who are you going on vacation with?!" They would not believe that it was just going to be me.

Because people don't like when you go against convention. Or do what they could never fathom. Or be something they didn't decide for you. And I get it. But maaaaannnnn... What happened on Monday got me thinking about who I been, where I'm at, and where I'm tryna be. Got me wanting to truly start living out my purpose. Find joy where I usually complain. Truly enjoy and find the beauty in every.single.day. Practice random acts of kindness. And tell folk on a regular basis that I love 'em. Take risks. Believe in myself. Travel just because. Drop the baggage. And enjoy the freedom. Try new things. And accomplish my goals. Got me just wanting (as corny as this sounds) to be all I can be. To just be me. And love it.

That's my time y'all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

what went wrong?

2010-08-25T12:00:00.001-04:00

in my lifetime - at times - i feel like i've seen it, done it, or know somebody else who seen it, done it all. and when you factor 6 degrees of separation - well cut that in half - becuz 3 seems to be the magic number for Bellini...

as an adult it happens to be quite commonplace to hear about deteriorating marriages not to mention the marriages that just went kaput after 30 + years.

let's zone in on the latter.

When I first heard of a couple going there separate ways after 40 years I ceded a perplex disposition. I reckoned isn't easier to ride it out for another 20 years together. but is life always about being easy, let alone taking it easy? If you've done 40 what's another 20? I asked my friend whose in-laws had divorced what effect that had on her husband and his siblings (given it was his parents that split up). She's not sure, I'm sure it has her shook. Ironically, all the kids of the divorcees (three of 'em) are all married. But I have to wonder what psychological manifestations have they endured.

Do they feel their marriage is doomed?
If a spouse is unhappy does that warrant callin' it quits?

on Saturday, as I ran my errands, I ran into an aunt of a friend from grade school who inadvertently mentioned that my friend's parents had split. I'm a lil' baffled because I can't recall if they were legally married. but then again after 30 years - common law is in effect... she was quick to blame her sister for the disunion "you know she has issues"... are issues enough? auntie then goes on to share "he's doing fine, he bought himself a truck and found him a nice little spot" so matter-of-factly.

whenever I'm at the hairsalon and my stylist expresses her views on worldy matters... she proclaims for her generation it was all about the kids. she has 3 grown kids with kids of their own and she's always heartened by the feelings her kids have on she and their father embracing their union for the umpteenth time... but i can't help but sense a bit of resentment, quasi-bitterness as it appears she's gettin' robbed of the possibilities of going backwards...

things that make you hmmmm...

cheers,

Bellini

Frowned Upon but Exhilarating?!

2010-08-23T00:00:00.002-04:00

Real quick, I had a conversation yesterday about adult activities that are frowned upon. Here were the top answers:

1. Sex on the first date.
2. Sleeping with someone your friend also slept with.
3. Daily masturbation.
4. Sex in hidden public places.
5. Skinny dipping over the age of 30.

There seemed to be a general consensus among folks that these circumstances were the most exhilarating frown upon adult activites. And here I was coming up with things like, eating two slices of chocolate cake when on a diet. LOL! (chuckle) Maybe it was the Pomegranate tequila talking. Who knows?

Much luv until next week... peace :)

Dear God, I'm trying hard to reach you
Dear God, I see your face in all I do
Sometimes, it's so hard to believe it...
But God, I know you have your reasons
(Uh huh)

They said he's busy hold the line please
Call me crazy, I thought maybe he could mind read
Who does the blind lead?
Show me a sign please
If everything is made in China, are we Chinese?
And why do haters separate us like we siamese?
Technology turning the planet into zombies
Everybody all in everybody's dirty laundry
Acid rain, earthquakes, hurricane, tsunamis
Terrorist, crime sprees, assaults, and robberies
Cops yellin' stop, freeze
Shoot him before he try to leave
Air quality so foul, I gotta try to breath
Endangered species
And we runnin' out of trees
If I could hold the world in the palm of these
Hands, I would probably do away with these anomalies
Everybody checkin' for the new award nominee
Wars and atrocities
Look at all the poverty
Ignoring the prophecies
More beef than broccoli
Corporate monopoly
Weak world economy
Stock market topplin'
Mad marijuana oxycotton and klonopin
Everybody out of it?
Well I've been thinkin' about
And I've been breakin' it down
Without an answer
I know I'm thinking out loud
But if you're lost and around
Why do we suffer?
Why do we suffer?
(Uh huh)
Yeah... It's still me, one of your biggest fans
I get off work
Right back to work again
I probably need to go ahead and have my head exam
Look at how they got me on the Def Jam payment plan
Well, I'm in the world of entertainment and
Trying to keep a singing man sane for the paying fans
If I don't make it through the night, slight change of plans
Harp strings, angel wings, and praying hands
Lord, forgive me for my shortcomings
For going on tour and ignoring the court summons
All I'm trying to do is live life to the fullest
They sent my daddy to you in a barrage of bullets
Why is the world ugly when you made it in your image?
And why is livin' life such a fight to the finish?
For this high percentage
When the sky's the limit
A second is a minute, every hour's infinite
Dear God, I'm trying hard to reach you
Dear God, I see your face in all I do
Sometimes, it's so hard to believe it..

O Brother, Where Art Thou?

2010-08-20T00:00:00.005-04:00

My ~~little~~ younger (because he is over 6 feet tall) brother and I got into an argument the other night. Like a for real, voices raised argument. This is kind of a big deal because we rarely argue and were taught as youngsters not to yell at each other. This, I realized is why when other people argue all loud – I get really uncomfortable and just want to disappear, but that is not the point of this post.

The point is that I just wanted one simple thing – for my brother to take me to the airport next week. And he said no. And I don’t be taking the word ‘no’ so well. (Yes, I'ma take this single, carefree, girl, do you' time and work on that. Maybe. Heh.) Especially not from family who I lean and depend on lots. So then he went into this whole, “you need to ask other people to help you do things because I may not always be here (like in the area here - not, not alive here) and then what you gon’ do?” But what he really meant was: you need to call one of those nigs you tell me be taking you to dinner and such and make them put their money where their mouth is. And other clichés.And then I was like, “well you bet not ask me for nuffin.” And then he said, “what do I ever ask you for?”

Which shut my mouth. Cause ummm…he doesn’t really ask me for anything. And then I got to thinking what do men ask women for? To do for them? I mean beside the obvious. Huzzah!

I mean no man is going to ask me to come put this couch together (which I asked one to do), or help me clean my basement and take this heavy stuff to the trash can (which I have also done), oh and can you go ahead and change these light bulbs that are allll the way up there and maybe wash my car real quick?

Honestly, I have a very hard time asking for help. From anyone. Period. I really don’t like for other people who are not family to go out of their “way” to do things for me. Yes, it is somewhat cray cray when you think about how long I have known the people in my life and I’m sure they wouldn’t mind. And people who I’m only quasi-cool with ask me to do seemingly random things for them and I usually comply if I can – so yeah it’s probably something else I should work on. But…That said, I really try to minimize my asking of men folk to do things, because…

Well because like Courvoisier brought up on Monday, once we get grown, men and women are never really just “friends” - so knowing this, and because I try to be a decent human being, I feel some typa way about inviting a nig over just so he can mow my lawn or spackle my wall or help me paint the living room. Cause I know, I just know that he ain’t coming over just out the goodness of his heart. And here he is probably thinking he’s building up credit, waiting for the right moment to strike and meanwhile I’m just glad someone else is doing the work I don't wanna do. At all.

Cause let's keep it real and funky, I am only an I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T woman by default. In the other life that I live in my head, I strongly believe in the separation of labor. Men do the heavy lifting and take out the trash. When they are around – I mean I do take out my own trash - hence the real life default setting. But no man wants to be used just for his muscles. I’m guessing of course. But I would liken it to the way I wouldn’t want to be used just for what I got ‘tween my legs.

But I think the reason, the real reason I went off on my brother, was because he hit me where it hurts. Made me think about the what ifs? What if there ain’t neva no other nig who loves me enough that I can call on him? And ask him if he could come over and _______? Put together this table. Or take me to the airport. Or kill the spider up above my head. Or pump the gas – all the time. And do most of the driving. Or unclog the toilet. Or shovel this snow. Or rub my feet cause it's Tuesday. What if it’s just me, always depending on my brother, then he gets married and has kids, and they [reluctantly] move me in the house and I’m like the crazy auntie they keep upstairs and slide meals to like in Soul Food?

Yes, the mind is a terrible thing to let run free. But I’m just saying. Right now my younger brother is all I got. And even that gravy train might be pulling away from the station. Especially if keep coming with all these mashed potatoes, smothered chicken, and Thanksgiving sized turkey requests. (Sidenote why did I recently ask my granny why white people's gravy is always white. She was like, "I'ont know. I don't think they use no drippins. Heh.) Sigh. Oh well. Guess if push comes to shove, there's always this place.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

This song is giving me life right now! I love me some Bilal! I love that this is in black and white! I love that he's singing w/ no mic and his voice fills the room and is so clear and crisp! And I really love that there is absolutely nooo, nothing from the audience. Not a whisper. Not a giggle. Not a 'that boy is sangin' good' moan. Nuffin. It's like everyone is mesmerized. Captivated. In awe. Like literally holding they breath, taking it in, enjoying the beauty, and thinking it over.

no game zone

2010-08-19T00:27:00.000-04:00

earlier this week the very smart brothas (more specifically the champ) got me to thinking as their posts are apt to do: 5 things men say (and do) when we're just running game. while reading this, i had many a palm-to-forehead moment in between spurts of audible laughter and shit, damn, mutherfucker.

i got got. many a time. by some ain't shit negros dressed in degrees and self-righteousness who i really shoulda known better than to get got by. and then while discussing men and games generally and men aint shit but hoes and tricks in particular with rum punch i thought to myself, why men gotta play games? and rum punch replied so lovely, why can't he just say i like you and you like me, can we be?

exactly! truth and beauty, rum punch, truth and beauty.

i know there are men (or at least one man) out there who don't run game. or who didn't run game with me. or did they? they didn't? no they didn't. and as i think about what's most important in a mate, i find myself wading past all the superficial requirements i thought (and the pressures of my own black bougie socioeconomedumacationalized achievements and standards dictated) i MUST have in the person i marry. cause let's be honest, we aint getting no younger and who am i gonna do this with? the guys who seemed so good on paper are the ones who had the most game that at the time i thought was [fill in the blank].

but alas i remain single. and they've moved on to bigger and better deer (or doe). the one who they didn't wanna game. who they just wanted to be with. forever. so now i'm thinking i'd rather have a man who isn't flashy, balling outta control, the most sought after dude, or even the most swaggerific so long as he doesn't try to game me. that's it. number one on the list.

don't
game
me

just be you. no bullshit smokescreens or defense mechanisms.

ready for a relationship. right. now.
don't fuck my head up by saying i intimidate you.
know you're more than worthy of a woman like me.
wanna be all up under me on a rainy saturday afternoon.
leave me at the house to go watch games with your friends, not to find some cut friends.
simply
love me.
like me.
co-write me.
take care of me.
protect me.
be regular.

that's all i want. really. ahhhh, that it were so easy.

to start the weekend off right, a somewhat related musical selection. chuckin' up the dueces to all those who gamed me...

The Yielded Rage

2010-08-17T23:59:00.001-04:00

Greetings and Salutations Everybody! How you? When was the last time I posted? Shameful, I know. But I am finally back in the office and I have something to write about so let’s begin shall we?

My question is what is the deal with old people who happen to be white and males? You don’t have to brace yourself for a classic Amaretto rant-well maybe you do…

So picture this, Washington National Airport Security check line. My flight leaves for the A in 40 minutes and the line resembles those of bread lines during the Great Depression. At this point I am confident I am gonna make my flight. So I stand in line entertaining myself by people watching and wondering what destinations others are heading to. I’ve shown my boarding pass and ID and waiting for the fun exciting part of throwing my stuff in a tub and taking off my shoes. Can I just say that I find the shoe removal absolutely absurd, unsanitary and not a good look for a girl who does not have the cutest toes! But alas, they can scan down to our under roos these days, so a proper pedi should be the least of my worries. But anyway, the shoes have been removed and the tub has been filled and I am waiting for the dude in front of me to push his crap onto the conveyer belt when…

This old white man saunters in front of me and proceeds to take off his shoes. Notice there is no exclamation point, because I’m down with the elderly and not having them stand in line, I know elderly people. My grandmother is elderly and should be afforded some perks. But I’m mad because as I stand and wait for dude to fill his tub, remove his belt, his shoes, and the 50 eleven things from his pockets (I swear he was taking out lint with his loose change-seriously!) not one time did this old white man say thank you, excuse me or give me a head nod of acknowledgement! And as he continued to do his thing I could feel the fire burn in my belly as he took his dear sweet time with me, ever waiting for the moment where he said Thanks. And so began the war within between me getting my spork out and then remembering that he’s old so there should be a level of yielding and respect. But I’m sorry just because you are old doesn’t mean can just do what you want and think the world owes you something cause you’re still here! And it made me think about my college friend who felt that White people had this ability to just totally ignore you when you are right in front of them. At the time I thought she was a little paranoid, but now I don’t know because my mind keeps thinking this scenario would have been different if he cut in front of the blonde white girl standing behind me.

This could just be my issue I know-but oh the joys of blogging I get to care and share with you all!

I just can’t tell ya’ll how much I wanted to tell his hearing aid wearing, liver spots having, Medicaid collecting, alive during World War II self that he was just as wrong as he is rude, peppered with some choice words guaranteed to shed some tears! But alas, I’m a Christian trying to be and do better and I didn’t want some TSA dude to think that my barefoot self could be a threat to anyone. So I just kept my tact and shaming commentary to myself. Made my flight and remembered that every old white man isn’t like this dude. Right? Right!

See You In Seven

Men and Women as Friends

2010-08-16T00:00:00.000-04:00

Can single men and women be friends?

Usually I answer that question with "Yes" but as of late, I feel like there is something about single men and women that can be misunderstood. For example...

I am chilling texting with a guy friend about how I am too lazy to get up and get something to eat. I say, you want to bring me some of that food you threw down a half hour ago. He says, not a problem. I am thinking "sweet, free grub!"

Here comes the details:

1. It is after 10:30 pm and I am in my jammies.

2. He has never been to my house before but I have been to his for a one or two parties.

Is this appropriate?

In my mind, it is all good if we're just friends... but I ain't slow, so I know food and liquor on a late Saturday night at someone's house could quickly go in the opposite direction.

So my response was "Hmm... I am just going to tough it out and eat some water ice."

His response, was "I am on my way!"

Again, I am saying "Sure and bring the food."

But, I am not trying to lead nobody on... so I have to fall back because unlike when we were kids, words and actions aren't as innocent as they use to be. I know a lot of guys who would interpret my "Sure and bring the food" as a night filled with a whole lot of potential.

Am I wrong for this conclusion?

I am not so sure... especially since Amaretto has told me before I have a lot of male friends that she thinks if the situation was slightly different, they would try and holla.

Much love until next week peace :)

In Yo' Face

2010-08-13T00:00:00.003-04:00

Do y’all know what makes me laugh/sticks in my craw/grinds my gears the mostest? No of course y’all don’t, so let me tell y’all. People who are dumb. No, scratch that. People who like to play dumb. Or maybe it’s people who have no self awareness about themselves. Or people who don’t want to face facts and subsequently reality. Or people who wanna act like their ish don’t stink. And you wanna be like, "well lean a lil' bit closer cause roses really smell like..." What? Everybody sing!

Here’s where I’m at. My co-“worker”, y’all remember her – well she’s still not doing any work. Whatev. I’ve made peace with that fact. Well yesterday she met with our boss to discuss next steps for the year and apparently our boss told her that our big manager and Deputy Director have observed that her work “bestie” is frequently over in our area chatting with her. “Can you believe that,” she said to me in what I’m hoping was a fake tizzy. (And then she continued to gripe about it this morning!!) “That’s crazy,” I responded. But really.

C’MON SON!

You don’t do noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo work! And everybody knows this. So, don’t you think that this is these white women’s path of ~~least~~ bytch ass resistance? They scared, so they won’t call YOU out on not working. So they’ll blame it on your homegirl. Maybe if she weren’t in your area soo much… then you would do some work. Yeah whatever. That ain't happening. But her actin' ignorant and oblivious has me lookin at her sideways. Literally. I have to tilt my neck when I'm talkin' to her cause she's not making sense.

So, yeah this is the same woman who talks so loud on the phone that I know that the main reason she decided to sell her house is because they closed down the KFC in her neighborhood, but she stay making sounds of annoyance if someone raises their voice above a whisper. The same woman who has practically no hair who still makes the conscious decision to wear a weave and let the tracks show, but is quick to talk about someone’s outfit, cheap shoes, or bad hair day. The same woman who just this morning asked about this portly guy who has a baby on the way – “who gave him some?” While I been sitting at my desk wondering this whole time who gave YOU some thus causing you to be somebody’s mommy!!

And it makes me wonder about people who can see everyone else so clearly, but not themselves. Who have an opinion about what everyone else is doing, ain’t doing, need to do to get they life right – meanwhile you looking at them like homie, do you need a mirror? I mean I have a small one in my purse, just to get us started. Yes, I think that unless our names are Jesus Christ, there is a part of us (some small, some HUGE) that judges people. I know so many of us fix our lips, crack our knuckles, and get into a fighting stance, when we got something ~~good~~ bad to say bout somebody. And while I know that I am nowhere near perfect, here’s what I also know about myself:

I am a true a Leo who can be terribly selfish on Monday. And yet totally selfless on Thursday. I can’t whisper. And I have a loud laugh. I lurve, lurve, lurve to wear cute skirts and dresses paired with unique shoes and handbags. And I know when I look fierce! And when my hair looks a mess. I can make all kinds of people laugh. I like pina coladas and laughter in the rain. Neither of those things is true. I have done some ho ish in my lifetime. I have held grudges. And I have played dirty. I know when I don’t be working hard. And when I don’t be working at all. Like right now as I type this post… I can be a know-it-all. And I can be shy. I am nice. But when I'm mean, you don't want it with me. I empathize. And I judge. And I am full of opinions and contradictions.

But one of the crucial things I think I've realized as I get grown is the importance of seeing where you fit, your part, your responsibility, your role in the equation of life. It can't always be somebody else's fault. Pointing fingers, being catty, playing the blame game - those are all easy - that inner work - that's hard. And maybe people don't do it because they know what they'll find, they know it won't be pretty, and they don't like it.

But it's always gonna be easier and seemingly make you feel better, when you make someone else lower. Bring them down a peg or two. Smile in their face and talk about them as they walk away. Recently after I sent a friendly email to a co-worker who is not known for being friendly, crazy co-worker told me that I am just too nice. Heh. Mkay. If only she knew what I be keepin inside. But I just smiled and nodded. Cause you know what they say, if you ain't got nuffin' nice to say. Say nuffin.

That's my time y'all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

keep it on the down low?

2010-08-12T22:27:00.000-04:00

i've been having these debates about relationships that lead to the questions, the questions cause that's what it's all about. (plus i can't muster a "real" post to save my life.) this week's question:

would you say something to your homegirl if the man she was dating seemed gay to you?

and now for the twists:

would it matter if he was flaming or just suspect?
would it matter if she introduced him to you before the first date or after she had made him her boo?
would it matter how close you were to her?
would it matter if you just suspected he was gay or would you have to have "proof" of his sexuality?

would you want our friends to tell you if they thought the man you were dating was gay?

Enroute to Broadway

2010-08-11T11:34:00.000-04:00

Hey folks, unfortunately I can't chat. I'm enroute to see the Broadway production "Fela". I'm sure I'll have a story for you next week. Stay cool in the meantime. Cheers, Bellini P.S. I apologize if the text appears ill-formatted, I'm communicating with the crackBerry.

29 and Thankful

2010-08-06T00:00:00.001-04:00

I have been watching MTV’s Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant pretty regularly. I should be ashamed of this, but I am not. Lol. For those of you who have no clue what I’m talking about – these shows are chronicling teens’ experiences with being pregnant and/or raising babies.

Anyway. Every time I watch I find myself yelling at the TV. And here’s why. Cause it’s just too much for my senses and has me wondering where the heck the parents are.

Let me tell y’all something about Mama Rum Punch. She crazy! At least that’s what my 16 year old self thought. And for real, for real, that’s what my 29 (whew first time writin it out!) thinks too! My mama had these vague “rules” that at the time seemed sooo unfair to me – but when I look back over my life – Mama knew what was up.

Rule #1 - The Power of the “Random” No – Let’s say someone was gonna have a party on Friday night. And something else fun and exciting was going on Saturday night. Score, I would think to myself. It’s gonna be a great weekend. Run the plans by mama. She would say point blank, “you can go to one of those events, but not both.” What the fuss?!?! I would storm off in a huff. She ain’t care. I would come back to the dining room table, there she would be working on her crossword puzzle or drinking her coffee all cool and calm. “So for real though, I can’t do both?” “No, Rummy.” Well damn. This taught me a few lessons. 1. You don’t get everything you want out of life. But more importantly 2. that you don’t have to do it all. Sometimes you need quiet time. Rest time. You time. Family time. Read a book and enjoy your own company time. One thing that just sticks in my craw is that my 17 year old cousin stays havin’ the following status updates on The Book – “in da house. Chillin. Bored. Need sumthin to do.” ARGGGG!!!! I soo want to be like, READ A BOOK! So yeah. Big ups mama.

Rule #2: - Boyfriend? What you talkin’ bout Willis? – Sometimes on the shows the girls will say they have been dating their baby daddy for 3 years. I do the math. So you mean to tell me y’all been dating since you were 13?! And your parents approved of such?! And these girls be serious too. All in “love”. Get mad cause he “cheated” two years ago. How can you cheat on someone at 14?!?! I wish I could have told my mom this was my boyfriend and we were going to the movies! Or we're gonna sit up in my room with the door closed. Heeeee! My mama woulda beat the yellow off me.

My mom had a rule that I couldn’t date anyone two years older than me. Same grade or a year older. (Which funny I tuned into the Bmore morning show this morning and the therapist they had on there talking about teen dating said the same) I was pissed! But now I understand.

Now did I always follow my mom’s rules? Looks at camera and says, “No! Of course not!” But I think what they helped keep me grounded, look at things from a practical manner and not get in too deep. Looking back she seemed to be trying to just get me to enjoy being a teen. All that grown up lovey dovey stuff, ‘nig you ain’t ish’ would come soon enough. I distinctly remember being in 9th grade and “dating” this guy in 11th (yeah I know, I know) – and some chick thought she was dating him too. This girl’s friend accosted me in the hallway. My friends were then tryna fight said girl at the end of the school day. I was like, “uhhhh… I’m fina go home. But y’all can fight her if you wanna.” Even then I knew nigs weren’t worth fighting for. Lmao!

Grown up me now understands that my mom was aware of dangers and pitfalls that my 16 year old self couldn’t even conceive. Knew the hidden curves, dark alleys, dead end streets up ahead, while all I saw was easy street. Was just tryna ground me, so I could eventually fly.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

question of the day: "dating" someone at "work"?

2010-08-05T23:00:00.001-04:00

so a co-worker and i had a debate about whether you should "date" someone at your "work." as a generic and abstract principle the overwhelming majority of people (myself included) would say no. but there are exceptions to every unwritten rule and in this particular situation the terms "date" and "work" aren't quite so clear.

here's the deal:

i work in a legal office. attorneys in my office are in court every day. we interact with people at court like judges, district attorneys, sheriffs deputies, file clerks, court staff and random defendants. some of these folks we see once and never again. others we see on a daily basis and in my head i call the regulars the court characters (or "cc"). a co-worker, we'll call her newbie, was recently approached by one of the court character's and asked "to go out sometime." this cc was very respectful in his approach. newbie turned him down.politely but then came to my other co-worker, ms. goody, for advice about whether she should have accepted the cc's date offer.

ms. goody told newbie she did the right thing. Her reasons were two-fold: that newbie shouldn't date someone she works with and that if she said yes to this cc, all the other cc's would try to holla at newbie on the regular.

when ms. goody told me about what happened, i told her i saw the situation differently. first off, we don't really work with the cc's. although we see the cc's on regularly, to date one of them is a little different than dating someone who works in-house at our organization. second, i said that going out with someone one time isn't necessarily dating and if them other cc's try to step to her she can say no just like she did before she went out with this one cc.

then i went in with the "we are single black women in our mid to late 20's" argument. i told ms. goody that this particular cc was kinda hot and was very respectful and professional. plus we go from home to work and back again so where else is newbie, or either one of us, going to meet eligible men if not on the job?

then i circled back to newbie and told her that she should accept the cc's offer if she was actually interested in him. i suggested that once they had a date she could discuss with him the need to be professional and discrete while on the job, reasonable requests that most grown folks can get with.

was i right or was i right?

what say ya'll? what advice would you give newbie?

miracle babies

2010-08-04T13:30:00.001-04:00

Definition of a miracle baby:

usually male, birthed to a mother who deems child must truly be anointed

****
So, last weekend the discussion of the miracle baby came up twice in two different settings with two different people, so Bellini figured she betta discuss it with folks.

So my cousin's cousin (aka Rick) graduated from high school two years ago I think and he's in communiy college right around the corner from his parents' house. Ain't nothing wrong with that. Apparently his grades are decent, yet let cousin dearest tell it - Rick is just bidin' his time to an aimless life, void of drive and direction.

backstory
Rick was supposed to enroll at his cousin's alma mater. Get away from the urrea sorry, just had to do it and "live the life" so to speak. Well, he hasn't made it there yet. And said cousin feel like Mama is holding Rick back. I also might add that Rick almost didn't make in this world. Mama endured several miscarriages prior to Rick being born. Consequently, she was through with the babymaking. So, Rick is only child.

However there is another elephant in the room. Rick's Daddy. Rick's Daddy has kind of lived an aimless life. partially because he could. Rick & co. were very well-off the past two decades or so ago and then the well ran dry. And you know when there's money the jaded hue of green can imbue happy feelings cue the elements - Earth, Wind, and Fire. Rick needs to be pushed instead of being coddled. Mama can't really push him - that's her miracle baby that can do no wrong. The fact that he's alive is testimony.

****
Bob and Sharon oldest is bad (Aaron) as fcuk. Aaron has embarrased his parents, well mainly his Mama countless times, 'cuz usually Mama is the only parent around for the drama. For some peculiar reason she has made herself his Chief Enabler. Sharon refuses to enlist Bob's help in co-parenting she carries the burden by herself, however Sharon is not a single Mom. Bad grades, poor behavior - Sharon to the rescue. No Bob in sight. Bellini says "beat 'em". That boy needs a good ol' fashioned whoopin'. Tell his sister go get the switch. Not Sharon's miracle baby. Not the Aaron who was a preemie. Was just 2 pounds at a birth.

***

Is anybody in search of a disseration topic - please study miracle babies of the black variety - oh - and kindly send me your results. Inquiring minds want to know.

cheers,

Bellini

P.S. Extend well wishes to Rummy - she and the President share something in common.

Living your desired life despite my budget

2010-08-02T11:49:00.000-04:00

Funny how life works….

When growing up I was encouraged to think about and work towards the lifestyle I desired. The funny think about that is, everyone has you thinking your lifestyle will be based upon making a lot of money. And com’ on let’s face it, everybody isn’t going to be a millionaire. So does that mean I can’t experience anything from that lifestyle? The thought of that makes me slightly upset. Especially since I spend way too many hours at my current place of employment.

The end of my marriage has really got me thinking that life is not as guaranteed as it may seem. Everything could be gone at the blank of an eye or a late evening discussion. So maybe, just maybe I should covet my experiences more than my possessions.

But how do I achieve these experiences that make me happy on my budget? I told myself that I was going to have to be a little bit more savvy. Refine some of my rules.

First Tip: It is okay to travel and do things by myself. For a long time I thought I needed a partner. Couple years ago Amaretto and I discussed doing this with baby steps. First the movies, then the café/restaurant, a concert and eventually travel.

Second Tip: Be open to making new friends. Having friends all over experiences so much more memorable. Almost all of my friends went their separate ways after college and as busy as I am I try to keep in touch. Keeping touch with an old friend from way back then always presents an opportunity for a new experience.

Third Tip: Don’t pass up an opportunity because it is not the way you originally envisioned it. I always thought my first trip to Morocco would be my honeymoon with the husband I had not found yet. Silly me, because my ex-husband had no interest in visiting that area of the world. (chuckle) And at the time, tip number one was a no go so I just resigned the thought of ever travelling there. Fast forward, a few years later, I found a artists trip that a budget friendly. Blessing.

Fourth tip: Be generous, courteous and easy going. I try to be generous, courteous and easygoing on my visits. Vacations should be fun and no one wants to feel anything less that happy and excited… that goes for everyone. Stress destroys an experience in a minute. Leave stress at work.

Fifth tip: Be creative and brainstorm to overcome your problems. A big problem for me was my dog. Who is going to watch my little J-diva. It is a little unfair to ask friends and family every time. And paying for her to stay at a kennel that I deem acceptable is WAY too pricy for my budget. So when I heard a studio mate of mine house sits on the regular for her friends as getaway from her room mate. I instantly thought, this could be a win-win for both of us. She could stay at my place and watch Java for half the price of the kennel. So far so good…

Overall I have decided that I am not going to limit my experiences based on my budget. If I want to be an avid traveler, I have got to get in the habit of doing that on a shoestring budget. Making more money should improve my quality level… like from coach to private jet. (chuckle)

Much luv until next week… peace :)

Rum's Randoms

2010-07-30T12:37:00.004-04:00

I've been deep in thought and I have no idea what to write about today. I have pieces of posts in my mind, but nothing concrete - and since I have things to do today (C) Katt Williams - I'm gonna just ramble. Try to follow along.

1. Everybody Hates Chris is a funny, funny show. I'm sad it was cancelled. Not that I ever knew what day or time it came on when it was actually on, but you know, I'm sad about the principle of it gettting cancelled. That it's one less Black show on the air.

2. I need someone to get me Season 2 of The Game on DVD. Lol.

3. I soo wish there was a Black version of 'How I Met Your Mother.' The show is soo hilarious! And they touch on so many themes, while accurately portraying the joys/pains/angst of going from late 20s to 30 (and on), of growing up and finding a way in life. The writing is great, the story lines are funny (and poignant at times), their continuity is awesome. I wish that Black people were given the chance to be creative, witty, and just be able to riff on the absurdity of everyday life. From banishing potential mates because they haven't seen certain movies (theirs was the Star Wars MJ and I agree in the Black version it would be the Five Heartbeats - ha!), or making a Murtaugh List of things you're too old to do once you hit 30, or just the differences between single people and those in a relationship. Ahhh it all blends perfectly. But no, we are blessed to have House of Payne and Meet the Browns with recycled storylines and plots that don't make sense - how is that baby was born last week and now she 10 years old?!?! Is what i say whenever my mother has it on. And then I walk out the room.

4. But then again I think that historically Black folks have not been encouraged to be creative. I remember one summer I worked with this program for "inner city" kids from DC and I taught English. I would give the kids a word for inspiration and then they had 5 minutes to write about anything they wanted. Half the five minutes were filled with, "Ms. Rum Punch what should we write about?" "Whatever comes to mind." "But what?" And this is why I think all this teach to the test will cripple our children. But that's a conversation for another day.

5. The other day I had Ocho Cinco's dating show, 'The Ultimate Catch' in the background and my father noted that today's TV sucks. Which is oh so true. But then he said, "it's so ego driven." Which is totally on point. I wonder if our children will even know what a sitcom is, or a drama. Soap operas will definitely be non existent. Will everyone just be walking around with a video camera, chronicling their lives? Although let the record show, if I had a video camera, I would be a total fool on the YouTube. Heh.

6. I just saw this commercial (it was on BET - cause I was watching 'The Game' don't ya know) and it was for federal student aid- and the Black guy who was supposed to be a "student" and in "college" was saying how he didn't have a father in his life. But his mother was STRONG and pushed him and helped him get through school. And his aunts believed in him. And told him he was goin' to college. And he didn't know nothin' bout this student loan stuff, but there were forms at his church! Basically it seemed like one stereotype after another - like the marketing/PR people got in a room and were like how can we reach the coloreds? We got it! A commercial talking about growing up without male figures, strong Black women and going to church. I mean they may as well thrown in that once the family was gathered around Big Mama's Sunday dinner table eathing fried chicken, greens, mac & cheese, she held up her hand and said, "now this family got to be that fist and help this boy get some student loans!!"

7. But then at the same time - mayhap this is truly more of a reality than I care to admit and this commercial resonated with the majority. And I am in the minority.

8. Sometimes when I watch Last Comic Standing I want to go try and be a stand up comedian. Not forever, but you know do one open mic. See if people would laugh or boo me off the stage. Or worse that nervous, polite laughter, that's like, 'who told her she was funny?' LOL!

9. I took a pretty awesome online writing workshop throughout the month of July that gave me an added dose of confidence in my skills and abilities. Ugh. Creating works of art for public consumption can be quite the daunting task. Well I mean when you want your work to be good. Anyone can create crap.

10. Have you ever felt no so fresh? Not down there! But in your life? Like you're not feeling bad, but not feeling great? You're good. You're ok. You're fine. But you want...something.

What you got random?

That's my time y'all!Happy Rum Punch Friday!

truth with a side of hate

2010-07-29T09:21:00.014-04:00

one thing about friendships that has always made me sad is the inability for women to speak truth to other women about what's going on in their lives. sometimes you can tell your best girlfriend that she can't squeeze into that sundress that she loved so much cause she's picked up a few pounds. sometimes you can honestly say, "girl you can not leave your stable job as a receptionist to audition for idol. your voice sucks." but you can rarely speak truth to your woman friend about her dealings with men. because most times it is seen as
A) hateration or
B) hateration.
sad + true
now why is that? why are relationships often off limits to outside opinions in ways that other areas of our lives are not? i've got 2 theories about this. follow me as i open the mind of mint julep...

theory 1:

bitches be hatin! all the time. 24-7. when you think they aren't. they are. and when they aren't........they still are.
when they just want the best for you. when they know you better than you know yourself. when they suddenly become clairvoyant and know 5 days or 3 months or 2 years from now that his ass will cheat (with her).
they be hatin!
and so whatever "truth" you think they're speaking to you, or whatever "truth" you think you're imparting to your best homegirl might just be HATE with a layer of sweet cream cheese frosting on top.
for example: a friend of a friend just got engaged. and before the dude proposed, he came and talked to my friend about what he should do and how he should do it. and the woman also talked to my friend about the possibility of dude proposing and whether the two of them should get married. my friend told me some of the things she said to her friend and to dude. there's not enough white space in this post to get into all the ins and outs of both of those conversations but i had a few O_o moments as some of the things my friend said she told them.
i wondered to myself (and asked my friend): how does her perspective color her responses? does the fact that she's single with no man (and no engagement prospects) influence the truth she speaks to her friend about whether she should be marrying this guy?
sometimes we as women have to hold inside whatever "truth" we want to speak to our friends. we have to step back. take that truth home. unpack it on the kitchen table. grab a knife and cut it open. dissect out all the hate. all the envy. all the jealousy. all the hurt. all the why not me's. then selah on what we wanna say. package it back up. and then go back to our friend. and speak that truth.

theory 2:

women don't wanna HEAR the truth from other women. women invented the side eye. we are perpetually skeptical. we always on some, "what's her motivation?" or "she want my man" type ish. so any time another female comes at us with some friendly advice, we get our backs up. we dismiss any comments, thoughts, reflections and opinions as hating. even if they are actually grounded in fact and reality.
now one should always question the motives of the messanger but i do think women sometimes are too quick to shut down any rational practical thoughts about their love situation just because we don't like what a friend is telling us. we don't wanna hear the truth.
for example: if a dear friend comes to you and says i seent your man last night out with another woman making out in the back booth, you can't say she just hating.
but how many of ya'll readers would even tell a dear friend that you saw something like that? you'd have to run it by some of your other girlfriends to see if they thought you should say something. and you'd still hesitate. because you wouldn't wanna be branded a hater by your friend. cause your friend can't handle the truth.

and that's what makes me sad. that we as women can't tell a friend what we think about their love lives. when that's what friends should be able to do.

or not....

what say ya'll?

a ways to go...

2010-07-28T14:30:00.001-04:00

so this is what I was gonna say last week

Hey folks, my apologies for being away for so long.

But I have a confession to make – within the next 72 hours I will become a member of the NAACP. Yup, that’s the right acronym. well that has yet to happen

And no - it's not the fact that the NAACP is raising the ire of the Tea Party movement that's compelling me to make the move. Rather, it was being informed that Mr. Ben Jealous was to meet with BP company to discuss the plights of black fishermen. Because to see Roland Martin visiting the bayou Washington Watch and get in the trenches with our folk and to hear it from the source’s mouth was touching.

And then last week, to hear George Will, Clarence Page, Dee Dee Myers et al. having their tête-à-tête inter alia including the NAACP and Tea Party movement let me know NAACP under the auspices of Jealous is doing something right. so i thought - can he rally to the cry of black farmers - what about the farm bill?

Plus if you factor this article I read yesterday ‘California Blacks Split over Marijuana Measure’, and to know the NAACP is on the “right” side of the argument. Ok, NAACP you’re rolling Bellini style. So, it’s time for me to get my membership on and be about it. Bellini is still half-steppin'

Since it’s a must we parlay about substantive s*** once in a while, let’s parse the arguments for marijuana, weed, hydro, etc vis-à-vis Proposition 19. Californians must decide whether to allow anyone 21 and over to possess up to an ounce of marijuana, thereby levy a tax and regulate marijuana.

Now the most salient argument to me is Proposition 19 would address the inequity of criminality of drug possession within the black community. It’s plenty of black folks doing hard time ‘cuz they smoked a joint.

But I must say, some of the black pastors (tend to be anti-Proposition 19) have a legitimate argument about their reservations of legalizing a gateway drug. Most addicts interfaced with drugs through their use of marijuana initially.

Alice Huffman, NAACP California President, has it right, “I’m not encouraging anyone to recreationally use marijuana… I am simply focused on the injustice and the disparities in the criminal justice system.”

And speaking of NAACP - they are/were on a roll. And since Bellini must be about it versus speaking about it, I’m going to secure my membership in the next 72 hours. i'll just bide my time a lil' while longer ... tick..tock

cheers,

Bellini

Know When To Hold 'Em

2010-07-27T16:45:00.001-04:00

You say that your favorite restaurant cost $30 dollars a plate. The financially stable, 10 years your senior, “great” older guy your mutual friend set you up with says his favorite restaurant is IHOP. Despite this, you agree to go out on a date with this man. The time and date have been set. But he doesn’t show, nor call. Later he explains that he was detained at church because he’s teaching the youth at vacation Bible school. You accept this apology because who doesn’t want a religious man who cares for the kids?! And so you plan to make a date for later that week for 5pm. At 2 pm on date day you haven’t heard from him to confirm your plans. 7 days later you still haven’t heard from him, but you are still contemplating contacting him, because he did casually mention once that he likes to go on road trips to Kentucky. So maybe…

Put the phone down I shout from the rooftops!

Sadly this is dating tale of a middle aged single mother who divorced her husband several years ago. Now if you are thinking she’s stupid, crazy or at least clueless I would have to agree. All these adjectives aptly describe this family friend who has been looking for love in all the wrong places. Determined to be in a relationship or die trying to get into one and make it work, she’s had her fair share of heartache and headache. But darn women and our Mrs. Fix-It, I can do it, see me roaring, I can turn ashy into classy selves! Because to me, there is nothing in this scenario to hold on to. You’ve been stood up twice, he likes to eat microwaved pancakes and hardly cooked potato hash browns… but because your friend said he was “great” you want to *67 your phone number, call, and see if he answers? Put the phone down!

I know scientists are busy growing people in Petri dishes and finding cures for cancer and such, but could they please do just a study on the emotional plight of the single woman? Starting with our online dating profiles that say we are well read, love to travel and have the cutest hairless cat named “Fluffy”.

Because somewhere there is a reason why we do the voodoo that we do do, or at least why we’ve all gone slightly insane at the altar of men. Why we can accept a man’s excuse for not following through for the umpteenth time, but can cuss our kids because they ask for candy? I think scientists have concluded that’s it just easier to zap a cancer cell than to understand the inner mental workings of one woman, forget trying to figure out more than that!

But this middle aged woman has many dating stories similar to this. Two different men she met online texted to state they couldn’t answer the phone when she called because they lost their voice. Another one, who was recently widowed said that he couldn’t make a date because his in-laws need him to do things at their house. And yet another man from New York said that he didn’t like that she wore weave. I mean really guy from New York? You can’t tell me you haven’t been with a woman who wore false hair before!

But instead of shaking them off and moving on, she keeps holding on and hoping. And just like Old Yeller, I wish someone would shoot her out back in the shed, not because I don’t want her to live, but she’s has gone mad in this endless loop of wondering why he isn’t calling her anymore. And she’s become a danger to herself. Maybe my greater wish is that these men would ball up and tell her straight, with no chaser that they simply aren’t interested. A guy did that to me once, and it hurt like heck-but it was worth every tear. I’ve changed my mind. Scientists should do a study on men and confrontation with their women folk-they seem to avoid it, often-and I’d like to know what’s up with that! I think family friend lady should have known at IHOP that he just wasn’t the “great” man for her. How much easier it would have been to just let it go and walk away.

See You In Seven

Better than the last...

2010-07-25T22:12:00.003-04:00

A question often asked by others to single folk "What is your type?"

This is a question I could never answer and nor would you get an answer looking back over all the men I have dated and found attractive. In fact, I am still looking for that common thread myself.

So why is that I ask this question of other single folks, knowing that I can't even answer the question myself? (chuckle)

Anyway just because you know you can't answer the question, doesn't stop you from asking. So I do... (chuckle) I want to know... who doesn't? (chuckle) Especially from potentials.

Now, I never make it a point to find out who the ex's were but after talking to someone for a while you are bound to meet or hear about them. And when you do, it is always interesting to see if you and any of these past encounters have anything in common. When it came to my exhusband, there was definitely some shared physical traits. But what happens when you can't seem to find any obvious common traits?

Hmm... could the common trait be rooted in personality? Who knows? (chuckle)

I discussed this point with a friend and he shares that he is physically attracted many different types but it is the way that the women made him feel that sealed the deal.

Well excuse me. (chuckle)

Much luv until next week... peace :)

Be Our Guest

2010-07-23T12:44:00.003-04:00

Hey y'all! Here's something I submitted for an online writing workshop I'm taking and what I'm currently experiencing. Lol. The assignment: a 250 word short story, written as instructions, in the 2nd person (which is a rare thing in fiction).

When being sent off as the advance team, to spy/visit your favorite cousin and his new bride, in the house they just bought, and painted, and furnished, and decorated, one should be the perfect houseguest. You must always be hungry, even if you're not. But don’t seem to like every suggested thing, lest they think you’re just being nice. You must accept the fruity cocktails and extra pillows. And always say you slept well. Don’t mention that you wish they had turned on the AC. You must help out, but not too much, because then you will be reminded that you are the guest. And you must know what you want to do with the day. Shopping? Beach? Movies? Pick one. For God's sake, pick something. But never say it doesn't matter. And compliment the art on the walls. And how the colors blend and flow throughout the house. This will warrant head nods and stories of whose furniture was whose, who picked which color, how they got that desk for just fifty dollars. Smile. And nod. And say that’s fascinating. Don’t talk about your life too much. How you hate your job. Or how you too have just purchased a house and are thinking of painting one wall pink because you live alone and can do that. Do not dwell on your single status and their married status, for it will make everyone uncomfortable. Or note how they are just learning each other’s ways and have not yet mastered the marriage two step. Make a good impression because you know they are trying to do the same.

That's my time y'all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

Rescind resignation

2010-07-21T07:57:00.001-04:00

Is there really much to say. The President being a politician took a preemptive measure to have someone fired who did no wrong except being candid at church. And to think I was 90% sure of registering to become a NAACP member - now it stands at 50%. More about that story next week. Jealous & co. You have some work to do... When Bellini is on the same accord as Pat Buchanaan (I was watching 'Morning Joe' this morning) - something is up. Here's the gist, the administration acted like some cowards. One senses that the race bogeyman has the President and his minions shook, but this is in stark contrast to his race speech in the city of brotherly love. What gives? Sister Sherrod (did I spell her name right - my apologies folk?) you may not even want your job back, but to know you have a choice - is a step in the right direction.

cheers,

Bellini

Random Thoughts...

2010-07-19T12:52:00.002-04:00

Once again, it is time for a few random thoughts...

1. WHEN IT RAINS IT ALWAYS POURS!!!

2. Is it possible to be attracted to someone ONLY by their voice ? I am sayin', one of client contacts voices does the voodoo-hoodoo on me! I am could swear is nothing but chocolate goodness from his velvet tone. (sigh) I am two steps away from running over there one evening just to find out. (chuckle)

3. When someone is willing to uproot their life and move to wherever in the universe for you, do you take them up on the opportunity under the assumption, he IS a grown a$$ man? I don't understand this kind of crazy leap of faith?!?! (chuckle) Everything of which you knew to be true will NO longer be. Hmm... ponder that?! Because I am not sure I am ready to accept someone who is willing to do this for me. He would have to find a new way of supporting himself... start a new. New friends, new ways, new food, NEW EVERYTHING.

4. I bought a nice, thoughtful gift for Semi for his birthday but as I wait for the day to arrive, I am afraid this might catapult into something I am quite ready for yet? Hmmm.... Especially since he is thinking he might follow me out of town the weekend we were going to celebrate. Yes, you read right DC crew... he got invited to a party that weekend in your area. Hmmm.....

5. Am I afraid of commitment because of my fear of being hurt? Hmmm....

Back to one, when it rains it pours.

The Wait Loss Effort

2010-07-16T00:00:00.002-04:00

Hey y’all! I'm assuming there's still a y'all out there. Anywho. How’s it going today? Ok, so apparently (after checking the archives) I’ve tackled this weight issue thing twice – two freakin’ years ago!!!! I distinctly remember writing this post in May of 2008 because I was being all healthy and going to boot camp on a regular basis. I fell off sometime in the Fall. Got back on track around Winter 2008. Was doing the damn thing until about summer 2009.

And then for a whole year I can honestly say that I have not moved nothing but the fork from the plate to my mouth. And pass me those rolls please! And let me go ahead and reach up high to get that $1 box of Betty Crocker brownies off the grocery store shelf.

Yeah. It’s been bad. Real bad, Janet Jackson when she's not on tour. It’s not like I don't know that I should work out. (And eat better). But let’s focus on the working out because like so many Americans (people?) I pretty much live a sedentary lifestyle. I mean there’s the occasional longish walk somewhere - you know like if I have to park on 9th and U and the bar is at 14th and U – but it’s pretty much home, work, church, happy hour, you know - the usual.

Please believe that it is a frustrating existence when you know you need to do something, but don’t. When your clothes are fighting a little tighter. And you step into the next size up pants at the store and they fit. And you’re like what the fuss? Yes, I know it takes commitment. And carving the time out of your day. And being disciplined. And doing it when you don’t feel like it. Cause I have worked out for long periods of time. Just not for long enough periods of time.

So after some start and stops earlier this summer, I was over on facebook and I saw a friend mention that she had her first Zumba class. Someone then proceeds to tell her about a free class in DC – just minutes away from where I live. I was like sayyy whaaaat? I’m totally gonna go!

And then I stuck to my word. Found a buddy – which is oh so helpful – and had my first class on Monday! Now, the fact that I totally loved every.single.thing. about Zumba aside, I have to tell y’all that the class was packed with Black women doing the damn thing! They were all ages, shapes, sizes, and shades. Some even brought their daughters.

I have done a lot of working out in my lifetime, but never in a room full of other Black women (well if you don’t count that step aerobics class in college). Anywho. I just loved the energy of everyone (the teacher w/ the purple tennis skirt and the sparkly tee with Zumba written on it included) who was there. I loved that we were ~~an urban area~~ the city and was in a class of people who looked like me. I loved that the women were positive and encouraging and funny. And there was a collective oh hell no when the teacher said she would make us do the arm workout again. And most importantly I loved that it was freeeeeeee!!!!

I know that in the past when I got on my workout grind I have set goals and expectations. And been on the scale everyday hoping it's going down. But now, I don't know. I think I'm just going to try. Make a concerted effort to get myself moving. And then move. Let some things occupying up my time go, so I can make some more time for me. And get it right and tight! Or at least rightish and tightish. Cause let me tell y'all my co-worker is 50 years old and she walks with a limp, breathes all heavy, has serious health issues, and I've never seen her put a vegetable near her lips - just PureD (that doesn't look right typed out - ha!) out of shape And I think she's mad at the world cause she can't walk 10 steps without huffing puffing.

Lord knows I'm too vain to ever let that be me. And so the effort begins again. Can't wait any longer.

That's my time y'all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

pick a lane

2010-07-15T23:31:00.003-04:00

picture courtesy of crucktastical's side-eye fever

I like to think of myself as a pretty laid back person but nothin gets on my last nerve more than indecisive people. More specifically indecisive women. And mainly my fellow sistahs (you been on my mind).

Like my acquaintance "Monesha". She's one of those sisterfriends who won't decide what she doing until she know what you doing too. Minty: Monesha you want a daiquiri? Monesha: ummmm, are you getting one too? Minty: don't worry bout me, do you want a daiquiri or not?

And that's just the tip of the iceberg. Nothing burns me more than when you ask somebody what they want to do and they say "I don't care" "it don't matter" "its whatever" when they soooo do, it clearly does and its only actually one thing. Its like they don't wanna pick a lane but goad you into making a decision and get all stank and funky about the choice you make.

Case in point 2: me and a couple friends (Monesha included) were headed home from a late night concert a few weeks ago. Everybody wanted something to eat but we preferred non-fast food. So as the driver, I stopped by a couple places that fit the criteria but being that it was a Sunday night we had no luck. Finally after hitting 3 spots with no success I proclaimed that fast food it shall be. However since we'd had Micky D's a couple nights before I made sure to check and see if every body in the car was straight with We.ndy's.

Minty: everybody cool wit We.ndy's?
Girl 1: sure, that's cool.
Monesha: that's fine wit me.
We proceed to the drive-thru.
Minty places her order. Check.
Girl 1 places her order. Check.
Minty asks Monesha what she want .....
Monesha: "Nothing. I don't care for We.ndy's."

Say what now!?!
Then why in the hell did you say it was fine not 5 seconds beforehand? Really! I want an answer. I'll wait.

And that's just the kinda "bitch please" look I gave her out the corner of my eye.

Wit yo non-decision makin ass!

And this is why I have like 2 friends and can only travel and kick it wit grown folks.

The Kind Friends I Like...

2010-07-15T08:58:00.003-04:00

I know I usually drop a line or two on Monday but I just couldn't resist the urge to post about some happenings this morning. Why at 29 I am actually experiencing the words of my mother be clearful you choose to be friends with... (smh) Over the years, I have learned that is all about your exposure and experiences. These two things tend to effect your outlook, perspective and mindset. Somehow I have managed to straddle in between two worlds and now I am about to jump heavily into the next... this is craziness!

This morning, one of my facebook friends received the following comment on his photo:

(Beep) what did you do to show yourself sum love. I heard u got sum oooowwweee.lol your daughter is cute and got big. I hope (Beep) out again,thats my nigger. they aint have no f_king evidence fars i was concern. I feel bad for (Beep) but he needed a job. And thats my man anyway I always liked (Beep) as a friend. And besides he cool is sh!t. Whats good though? u been to your mom crib lately? And scens my girlfriend? I been hearing some stories,but havent ran into her yet...

WOW! Is all I could say to myself. Dude? Don't get me wrong, my facebook friend tries to do the right thing and is respectable dude but really? What is up with your boy? (sigh) Is this everyday conversation? According to my friend it is. Well chil' pleaze... not mine. (smh)

Rewind to last night, chilling with my studio mates, one of which is a chef. YUMMY! And I am telling her about how GREAT it is to have my sister staying with me because she throws down the meals and it is like having your own personal chef. Now I know she does personal chef services so I ask her how does her service work. She says well, "I send out a menu of 8 full course dishes..." (I am talking about 1 protein and two sides.) "You choose 5 meals and I cook and deliver them to you on Monday evening." Is that right personal chef? Hmm... let me see that menu. OMG !!! The MENU... I was like and when is this distributed. She says every Friday. I am officially a client yall! I am going to start next month. Besides the fact that she supports the same farmers and butchers that I do. Her clients similar to myself always traveling have experienced tremendous health benefits. It will be nice to expand my palette.

She works Sunday preparing and Monday cooking and when I did the math for 10 customers (10 servings) I was like that is not bad for two days work. No wonder you can stay home all the time with the new baby. NOW that is the type of friend I want in my circle. SMART ones whose everyday life seeks to make a good living off of doing the simple things.

Rewind it back a bit more. A lady that I work with who is a bit older than myself has been taking weekend trips for almost 8 years. SHUT YOUR MOUTH! Every weekend, Wednesday or Thursday she decides where she is going. Packs a bag and is OUT! Say what?! Teach me new friend teach me how to do this? Forget about the Dougie! (chuckle) She said "I am going to take you when I go to London in a few weeks, I am in need of underwear and music. We can use my frequent flyer miles." Who me? are you serious?!? Say what?! She speaks six languages and last weekend was in San Fran for a friend exhibit opening. I could do that... (chuckle) So I do the math... hmmm. I could work my way up to this in a year or two. Her motto is... life is TOO short!

WOW! These are the kind people I want in my circle. Expose me to the finer things... Teach me how you do it. I want my Facebook comments to be like, "I loved the Edamame Succotash last week!" or "How was San Fran?" A full life. I am on it.

These women aren't much older than I am. It is definitely something to think about and my lifestyle could stand to learn a thing or two from them. I probably won't adopt theirs but maybe I will learn how they bought their vacation home (deep sigh) or quit their jobs to go live in Italy for a year or two. (sigh) I am truly fascinated.

P.S. Race is not a factor here people... so don't go assuming they are all of a certain race. And none of these women are ballers... they will tell you themselves. Or maybe we have two different definitions... who knows. (chuckle)

Much luv until next week.... peace :)

.

Summer Ballad

2010-07-13T16:30:00.001-04:00

Aside from the heat and humidity, I typically enjoy summer. The longer days. The grilling. And the overall relaxed nature exuding from everyone. It's a good time! Going to work still sucks though, but that's the case anytime of the year. But my ride to work becomes more enjoyable as I try to sing along when Corrine Bailey Rae's Closer comes on! Loving this track! Not for what she's saying because I can barely understand her mumblings, but the music! Oh the music makes up for it! It's a funky melody that incites movement, but it's so soothing and smooth that a gentle head bob will do. It totally reminds me of being at a cookout everyone has eaten, some of the guests left hours ago and only the truly ignant ones are left. The sun has gone down, the porch lights are on. Everyone eventually starts gathering around the card table, with players talking their ish and laughing when someone turns up the radio...

Niiiiiiiiiiiice! You can't help but groove to this ya'll! Or sway as you head over to get another hot dog under the aluminum foil. Definitely a summer time hit in my opinion! What songs do you have on your 2010 Summer soundtrack?

See You In Seven

Ruffled Feathers

2010-07-09T15:00:00.004-04:00

Hey y’all! My last couple posts have been kinda heavy. Apologies. Looming birthdays bring out self reflection. But let’s have some fun today. Shall we? We shall!

Do y’all remember learning in elementary school about how the prettier, more colorful birds were actually the male birds? And that they had bright plumage to get the ladies’ attention? Ahhhh… isn’t it exactly the same in the human world?

Of course as you get older you have to figure out which of the flashy pretty ones, might be gay. But once you jump that hurdle, you are then left with the flashy ones who are parading around like peacocks, thinking that their shiny, pretty things should be enough to get the girl.

You’ve seen these birds. In the club. At the happy hour. At the cookout. At that bourgie function your homegirl dragged you to. Oh wait is that just me being dragged? There he is, all puffed up, feathers just a glistening. Shiny. Colorful. Bold enough to wear pink. No homo. Or thinkin' he's Andre 3000 with an ascot on. It’s more than just having on the nicest suit or a well put together outfit that makes your head turn.

No, his kind is easily recognizable. A wee bit too flashy. Wearing that [enter really nice watch here] and waving it in your face. Or driving that luxury car. Having those spinning rims and then hollering at you out the car window. Name dropping all over the place. You ask what school he went to and his reply is, "a school in Boston." And like Minty said yesterday you wanna choke him and be like, "just say Harvard!"* It is in the presentation, no?

I remember long ago (ok maybe like 4 or 5 years ago) Dark and Stormy and I were at le bar. So, these two guys approach. And it turns out they’re married. Argggg! Then get away, please! But no, they held us hostage. So, this one guy not so casually drops into the conversation that he has a boat. Blink. Ok ma, and? His response, “I can tell you went to [insert everyone’s favorite bougie HBCU here] – I coulda told you I had a spaceship in my backyard and you woulda been callin’ it a rocket. Umm…ok? I mean you said you had a boat, not a yacht. And you're married. Sooo...... He then proceeded to tell me about how he and his wife love to take the boat on the water. The boat. The boat. The boat. I distinctly remember re-capping the experience via email to Amaretto. And I was like, he was all, “our friends don’t wanna hang out with us anymore like they’re jealous.” Amaretto’s response? Or maybe it’s because you keep.talking.about.the boat.

Word.

As one wades through this dating pool – there are some lessons you gotta learn. Some signs you gotta see from miles away. With your eyes closed. Some things you gotta recognize. Like – there’s a difference between confident and cocky. No Kanye. That it’s one thing to have a Mercedes Benz whatever series because you admire the German craftsmanship, it’s another to think I should drop my draws because of it. It’s one thing to acquire items. It’s another to covet them. It's one thing to have personal goals/dreams/aspirations. It's another to lack complete humility along the way.

Yes, you can look nice, enjoy fine wines, take awesome vactions, and have art on the walls - but what else are you bringing to the table? Who are you without the Ivy League degrees? The six figure job? The house? The other possessions? Or shooot we can take it down a peg to just a degree from that State school, a 9-5, and an apartment? Cause some of these nigs are thinking us ladies owe em something cause they're here. I blame Steve Harvey n'em. But back to the point, once we get past those pretty feathers, as my mama would say, "what else you got?" And don't show me your Basquiat.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

*My ignorant self was like, you should respond, "Soooo, Northeastern?" BWAAAH!

I been rockin' this song alll week! Words and concepts I can understand! Lol.

Misappropriation of Funds

2010-07-06T23:45:00.001-04:00

So last week I watched the season finale episode of Tiny and Toya. In these episode Tiny throws a benefit concert for Alzheimer's disease research. While I haven't really watched the show I was digging the benefit concert and the moment when Tiny's dad got up and sung for the crowd. It was great when Tiny and T.I. promoted their foundation and presented the Alzheimer's research people a check for $10,000! Everyone say aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw!

But then T.I.-in typical MTV Sweet 16-fashion announces that he would like Tameka to follow him outside because he had something for her. Huh? For her? I thought this about the disease. And lo and behold that's when he gave her that beautiful 2010 Porsche so many people were talking about. Huh? The whole presentation left a funky taste in my mouth. How can you give a charity that is allegedly near and dear to your heart $10,000 and then moments later give your "wife" girlfriend, baby's momma a $100,000 car? It was totally inappropriate! And a shame, along with several other aspects of their relationship-but that's a post for another day...

And since I love sharing my joy, please watch the episode. The Busta Rhymes cameo made me laugh-only because in real life I don't think he speaks likes that...and I had just watched him in Higher Learning and his character's name was Dreads!

BET Videos

Do you think I'm being to hard on T.I.? Maybe BET (aka MTV in black face) made him do it!

See You In Seven

Possum Living in the City?!?

2010-07-05T09:25:00.001-04:00

On impromptu vacation days, I always find myself researching topics of interest. Mainly, how to better transform my life style to one that I truly enjoy. While reading stories about people quit their jobs, I stumbled across these videos about Dolly Freed.

“Why is it that people assume one must be a hippie, or live in some dreary
wilderness, or be a folksy, hard-working, back-to-nature soybean-and-yogurt
freak in order to largely bypass the money economy? My father and I have a house
on a half-acre lot 40 miles north of Philadelphia, Pa. (hardly a pioneer
homestead), maintain a middle-class façade, and live well without a job or
regular income—and without working hard, either.” Dolly Freed.

Following her success as an author, Dolly Freed grew up to become a NASA
aerospace engineer. She aced the SATs with an education she received from the
public library and put herself through college. She’s been an environmental
educator, business owner, and college professor. She now lives in Texas with her
husband and two children.

Amaretto you have to watch and read about this chick... I question whether I can apply any of her practices to my own life. So far living without cable is working out just fine. I am never going to get rid of the internet... hmmm. I am not really a farmer but I could see myself fishing... I think. Who knows?!? (chuckle) The point is I would love to have freedoms that she does with a little luxury sacrifice... just how much sacrifice am I willing to make?

Much luv until next week... peace :)
P.S. I don't miss cable at all...

A Declaration of Independence

2010-07-02T00:00:00.001-04:00

Earlier today whilst I was contemplating what to write about, my mind flashed back to when I lived in the A and this couple my ex was cool with came over on the Fourth. "Yeah, we don't really celebrate this holiday," the chick said as a piece of the "freedom" bbq chicken I had cooked dangled from her lips and they both sat with a plate full of baked beans, mac & cheese, and greens. I distinctly remember giving her the o_O that day. But today, today I totally laughed at that whole situation.

This is my third Fourth of July Holiday post. And I guess as my mind traveled back down memory lane and settled on that incident, I thought about how ol' girl saw the Fourth in the traditional sense - how those who had settled in America wanted "freedom", "independence" from mean, old England. And thus the Declaration of Indepedence was written and signed. A war was eventually fought. Freedom (for some - that is what was clearly bothering her the most) was won. And America went on to be great. Heh.

But today I thought about it on a more personal level. What do we, us individuals need to be free from? Where in our lives do we need to stare down, or fight even, the proverbial man/country that's taxing our asses? What is happening in your life that is making you wanna throw up your hands and say 'give me liberty or give me death cause I can't take this no mo'!' What are you chanting, "give us free" from? Where are you shackled? Crippled? Where do you need to gain some independence and control in your life?

Maybe freedom from debt? Freedom from over eating? Freedom from a job you hate? Maybe a freedom from fear of being successful, or fear of exploring new worlds (literal or figurative), or fear of stepping out into the unknown. Freedom from fear of thinking outside the box, or of growing, or changing? Freedom from low self esteem? The freedom to let go of the past and enjoy the present. The freedom to truly accept and enjoy all sides of yourself, be comfortable in your own skin, to unapologetically just be?

In the movie or was it the show 'Fame', you know Debbie Allen's famous line, "you want fame? Well honey, fame costs. And this is where you start paying." Well, I'm no expert, but freedom costs too. Riiight? Right! Too often people are quick to make New Year's resolutions and expect instantaneous results. Didn't lose those 40 pounds in two weeks? Pass the donuts! Years and experience will teach you that pay-offs aren't usually automatic. Things take time, discipline, patience, discipline, (yes that deserved repeating) work and effort. And it is truly a battle to be free from whatever it is that's got you "bound" - cause you've got some serious things to slay. Whether it's not buying those shoes so you can slash that Visa bill. Not making that pan of brownies and saying no to that cake. Or battling your own self, those thoughts only you know, moving it all out the way - so you can be great.

So, who or what are you willing to fight for this peace of mind? What are you willing to put down to make room in your arms so you can pick up something better? What are you willing to pay to be free?

That's my time y'all! Happy Rum Punch Friday! Be safe this weekend y'all!

And just because it's become a tradition... And since Mint Julep sent me this article on a breakdown of each Aquemini song - I love this even more now!

The Mistress and I

2010-06-29T20:30:00.000-04:00

So I have a friend who is a mistress and I still like her as a person. This is worth stating because as Courvoisier’s mom pointed out yesterday women folk are programmed to hate the other woman. But I guess we hate the other woman when it's our own situations. I don’t know why women give men folks a pass in these three way triangles. Maybe because we expect boys to be boys and men to have roaming eyes and feet. Which is sad, because I feel like men deserve to have us give them greater expectations. I think we here at the 5 spot have written many a post about men and their “sly” ways…and I think we’ve touched on the importance of sisters strengthen sisters even when they are in the most f***ed up predictament.

For example, this morning my mistress friend tells me that her "man" called his wife the other day (for what I don't know) and before he could get his salutation out she hung up on him. Now since we live in a world of caller id-this answering and hanging up was definitely a passive aggressive way to let her husband know that she was mad. Now amid plans to purchase a house with my friend he is suddenly thinking he shouldn’t since he’s not sure what head space the wifey is in these days. Will she slash his tires? Put out a hit? Put something special is his spaghetti? He's decided to cow-tow until his wife makes her move.

But so you can share in my joy let me set the table for you…

The man is almost twenty years older than my friend. Has two grown children. Hasn’t lived with is wife for two years-and this is the third time he has separated from his wife in their 28 year marriage-but has not filed for a legal separation.

My friend has a six year old daughter and has just gotten a legally binding divorce last month.

The two met at work about 4 years ago, and so began their affair. When they started out they were both married, yet 4 years later she has left her husband, gotten a divorce and he hasn’t so much as gotten a legal separation! This man and my friend seem to think that wifey spotted my girl in her husband’s car and this is why she’s upset, but they really aren't sure of the wife's ire because she refuses to answer the phone when her husband calls.

This is where I pour you a cool glass of lemonade and tell you that my friend is a natural blonde, and in this situation is totally living up to the stereotype. I had many questions upon hearing this latest story. Like, if he and his wife are separated and on the road to divorce why would she be mad at him if she saw him with another woman? Or why all of a sudden do his plans to buy a house with you have to come to a screeching halt because wifey saw you riding with her husband? Amaretto is of the opinion that this man left his wife under the guise of relocating for work and that there are no plans for divorcing. After 4 years together my friend has only met his friends from work-no family. And I've learned that after they find a house that meets their needs he always finds an excuse not to bid on it-be it a fear of mold or of the Mexicans living next door. It just doesn’t make sense from where I sit. If I were a magic 8 ball I would tell her that the outlook of her relationship is not positive.

The facts are that this man will have to give up half of his retirement if he divorces his wife. HALF! Half is a whole lotta money especially when you ain't got much. Yet my friend believes that when this man retires in two years he’s going to make an honest woman out of her. But for why? According to her they are having good times and great sex! What’s his incentive to give up HALF of his check each month to his wife and take on a life that includes raising a 6 year old?

With each insight into her relationship I just want her to shut up, stop and wake up. If she ever asked for my opinion I wonder if I could tell her that I honesty don't think he plans to marry her? Sometime I wonder if I should just tell her that even though she's never asked what I thought. But how do you go about telling someone you think the person they love is worthless? Especially after she talks about the house they just found. Or she says how excited she is about their sailing trip over the weekend? What should I say to this mistress who has given up everything and has become a friend who I know isn’t strong enough to handle the truth? For now I'll just remain silent and hopeful that I am wrong.

See You In Seven

Random Ramblings

2010-06-28T07:43:00.007-04:00

1. This week is a four day work week, next week will also be a four day work week. YAY!!!

2. I painted my fingernails turquoise/aquamarine and I have to admit it is HOT!!!

3. Am I the only one that thinks that Alicia Keys is flaunting it in our faces she took that woman's husband. I admit, I wasn't too sure of the details at first and you still will never know what the truth is but regardless of the situation that you find yourself in, shouldn't you try to be a little empathetic of those involved... geez.

4. Which leads me to a conversation with my Aunt, who thinks wives should sue the mistresses. (DEEP SIGH) Talking about men are gullible and the women are in control of the situation. So my question to her was, "At what point do we start having higher expectations for men and stop defaulting to a prehistoric definition of what it is to be a man?" SERIOUSLY?!? The woman's role has changed, can we get with the program when we define a man. Your biggest beef should be with that cheating fool. If my expectation is for you to be monogamist with me, then I am holding you to that! POINT blank!

6. This weekend, 4 people told me they are happy that I got a divorce. One of those people included my MOM! This statement trips me out because I don't feel as if what is going on right is new to who I am. I didn't discover something that I never knew about myself. It is more like a rebirth and renewal in purpose.

7. I love Drake's speaking voice in interviews. Still can't believe he is with Young Money. He seems so much more sophisticated that than as a hip hop artist. (sigh) The album is HOT and I am most definitely "Thanking you later!"

Much luv until next week... peace :)

Absolut(ly) Necessary

2010-06-25T00:00:00.004-04:00

Last week I traveled to celebrate my cousin’s nuptials, hosted by the bride’s family. As we drove there, my other cousin suggested we stop at the liquor store and pick up a bottle of something. (Just for clarification, we were headed to a backyard cookout, not like a reception hall. Although also for clarification that probably wouldn't have made a difference. LOL!) I told him that might not be a wise choice seeing as how this wasn’t our family. And we didn’t know how they got down. My cousin called our cousin the groom, to see what was up. He said there was some alcohol there, but if we wanted something in particular, we should bring it. My cousin was all, “alright! Liquor store!” I nixed that idea. “Let’s just go on,” I said.

It didn’t really matter to my cousin because he had been drinking all day anyway. We arrived to the function and I watched him continue to drink the little bit of alcohol that they did have - that strangely (we'll see why I feel that way in a moment) was kept out of sight from us guests, and doled out in small dosages. And then cousin suggested we keep the party going and hit a bar. We did. But he hit it harder than all of us – throwing back Long Island Iced Teas (what is this college?) and beers alternately.

I watched in awe, overcome by a feeling of fear and sadness. As my cousin slurred words. Fought back droopy eyelids. And nodded off in the car – I fast forwarded 30 years from now. I saw my great uncles in him. Hardworking men during the week who drink even harder during the weekends. But always make it to work on time on Monday. Functioning alcoholics, is what they call them.

As the night progressed my cousin revealed that some chick he was shamelessly tryna talk to at the wedding celebration said she didn’t drink. So he had to keep it moving. “What the fuss,” I asked aloud. Who knew that was a valid reason to nix what was probably gonna be a one night stand? Oh wait. Maybe that’s why. Heh. “I’m saying, don’t you drink every night,” he questioned. “Uhhh…no,” I said. “Oh I do. A beer. Or a glass of wine with dinner. Something every night though.” “Oh,” I said, shaking my head in disapproval.

But the truth, if I allowed myself to be honest with myself, is that there have been times when I have probably, no most definitely, had a drink every night – whether out of a feeling of necessity or habit. And that has been me hitting the bar harder than anyone I came in there with. And that has been me with glassy eyes, incoherent statements, and horrible, horrible morning afters.

There are plenty of scary things in this world, but one of them has got to be being born into (and subsequently raised in) a family prone to and wrecked by addiction. People whose families don’t drink don’t truly understand what you grew up with and around.

That there is always alcohol. At everything. Funerals. Weddings. Cookouts. Christmases. Family reunions. In flasks and pocketbooks. Brown paper bags and coolers. Front and center on tables and hidden in closets. With spades games and fried fish. To ease the grieving process. And to makes sure everyone is having a good time. That it is a badge of honor to be able to hold your liquor. A rite of passage to have your first taste.

Along the family spectrum there are some people who don’t drink at all because they have observed the dark side. Some drink a little. Some way too much. Some no longer because they have been that dark side and are now recovering. But there is always alcohol. At everything.

And it is understood. And expected. And consumed. Whether while alone in bedrooms. Or together around the table. Because there is a deep, private pain that only the bottle soothes. And there is a muted shame among those who know they drink too much, but can’t stop. There are those who serve as cautionary tales, who were conquered by the foe, who let the bottle take them down the rabbit hole and they had to go through hell to be able to see daylight again. As you get older and become more aware, it becomes a scary thing to witness and acknowledge - while you find your own self constantly attempting to walk, shooot to just balance even, on the tightrope of addiction.

And there are times when the truth is spoken in hushed tones or tongue-in-cheek jokes followed by nervous laughter. That we are a family of drinkers. (Because no one would dare say alcoholic) These words are suspended in the air for a moment and are then crammed back down throats and deep into psyches. And the very real cycle of addiction gets excused by the banalities of life of: paying bills, raising kids, working two jobs, keeping a roof over your head, going to school, just trying to make it, getting married, finishing school, just living and breathing. After all of that you need. No, you deserve a drink. Or two. Or three. To help slay your personal dragons. And haunting demons. To allow you to function in this cold, hard world. Plus, it’s not really a problem cause you make it to work on time every Monday...

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

I'm really just posting this cause I love the "blood's thicker than the mud," line... You can also check the live version here, should you wanna see what drug addiction can do! Whew Lawd!

New Age Ageist

2010-06-22T23:59:00.002-04:00

For the past 5 years at my good government job I have noticed that I am usually the youngest person in the room (I'm also usually the only person of color-but that's a post for another day). Most of us know that this can be either a gift or a gift horse. Youth excuses ignorance, explains impatience and breeds innovation. That’s the gift. Youth also allows people to ignore you and assume that you don’t know nothing about nothing. We have all been the youngest person in the room but gradually this changes.

At my job I have had many a manager say that they are eager to hear the ideas of the newer younger workers only to default to doing things how they always have done them. Mix this with a manager telling my coworker that she hadn’t paid her dues to deserve a promotion. Yet in within the past five years this woman has been promoted and has taken this same manager’s job! Today, a great debate in my department is how we should present the materials for a training session we are having next month. A coworker who is a few years older than I suggested that we give the participants their materials on a USB flash drive. This is a great idea, especially since most of the participants are flying to participate. The older folks in group hemmed and hawed about flash drives. They wanted them to have large three ring binders, so they could have a hard copy of the material and could turn the pages along with the presenter. Huh?! Is it not 2010? Aren't the airlines shaking us down for everything we bring onto their planes? Can we get with the going green/everything is electronic now program? It can be frustrating dealing with people who were alive in the 1940s!

Sometimes you just want the old folks to sit down somewhere so we can more forward…

Then I read on Yahoo news that they are already trying to come up with a name for the next generation. The ones who have always had mobile devices, the internet and only one white president prior to Mr. Obama. As I read on I realized that at some point this no name generation will be in the workforce with me; being innovative and young-and probably wondering when this lady who was alive in the 1980s will go sit down somewhere. And this realization got me to thinking about the aging process. I mean it is inevitable of course, but how does one go about doing it realistically and gracefully? Even now I have to remind myself that by all appearances I am a responsible adult-and though I long for the ease and breeze of childhood those days are over.

I wonder if anyone ever really reconciles this fact. Do 80 year-olds in fact feel like they are 80? I’m sure their physical ailments clue them in, but what about mentally? In my younger days I believed that 30 looked and felt a certain way. Don’t ask me what that was is, because as I near 30 I can’t imagine it feeling any different than how I feel now-yet and still I know that how I feel now is not what I ever imagined. Make sense? Maybe only to me. But these are the things I think about when I see people who are eligible to retire still roaming the halls of my office. Maybe they don't see themselves as old or even as being progress blockers. And what about my 59 year old coworker carrying around a picture from her youth and planning to undergo risky plastic surgery to look better…and feel better about herself. Why should she feel bad about getting older? Yet at the same time I want these older people to get out the way so the younger, more intuned young people can run things! Then I pause and think about how one day it could be me who is standing in the way. Holding on to the past and thinking these young kids don’t know nothing about nothing.

See You In Seven

Random Ramblings

2010-06-21T08:40:00.000-04:00

1. What would you do if you found out your ex is gay? You hear men take it the hardest, but how do women? Are they just confused? I don't really know anyone who has experienced this... just read stories. For me, keyword here is ex. Who cares? Move on.

2. When work stresses me out... I fantasy shop online for expensive items, like $500 sundresses.

3. Met a lady who dedicates a month of every year to do volunteer work around the clock. That's NICE! Thought about it and maybe I could make that work if I achiveve the "I work 9 months out of the year" schedule, I am working towards.

4. I feel like I should be open to building a relationship with someone but the reality is I am really more interested in being in the studio. (sigh) Hope there aren't any missed opportunities there.

5. WTF!!! WTF!!! BP!!!

6. Noticing that focus and discipline is NO joke!

7. Despite how people feel about Kayne... I love his tracks and I am glad he is back... POWER:

"Got treasures in my mind but couldn’t open up my own vault,
My childlike creativity, purity and honesty,
Is honestly being prodded by these grown thoughts,
Reality is catchin’ up with me,
Takin’ my inner child,
I’m fighting for it, custody,
With these responsibilities that they entrusted me"

Despite his off the wall personality... you can rely on him to tell you how he really feels. I can dig that! Even if he comes off as an a$$. At least you know who you dealing with unlike some other artist. I rock POWER everyday.

8. Two years ago I said... Art was my soul. Two years later, I know it IS.

Much luv until next week... peace :)

The Land of Make Believe

2010-06-18T00:00:00.000-04:00

Long ago my ex and I used to follow Andre 3000’s advice and… do something outta the ordinary, like catch a matinee. For some reason we saw a lot of “romantic” comedies. They were not always my idea. Believe dat. Anywho. I distinctly remember us going to see Deliver Us From Eva featuring Gabrielle Union as the mean Black woman and LL Cool J as the man who can “tame” her.

Well if you’ve never seen the movie (which is no surprise) it’s the same boy meets girl, girl has disdain for boy, he wears her down, they have a blissful montage of laughter, long walks and kisses, they argue or something, she moves away, they are both miserable, and he travels cross the country to win her back. And so he arrives wearing a tuxedo and gliding down a busy ass Chicago street on a wait for it white horse. It was at this point in the movie (not at the other totally non believable parts) when my ex literally threw up his hands. And was all what the fuss? And then he yelled at the screen:

Now every Black woman gon’ expect a nygga to show up on a white horse!!!!

[Yeah thank goodness we were at the matinee. Heh]

So yeah the other night I decided to lull myself to sleep by watching Hitch, only I couldn’t sleep and kept wanting to watch. And the whole time I’m like Rum Punch take yo’ ass to sleep because this movies sucks! And then I’d be like oh no it ain’t that bad. And then when the characters started professing their love after like two days together I’d be like NO! NO! NO! It does suck!

There is a never ending conversation about how these movies and fairytales and other nonsense corrupt the young minds of little girls of all colors, creeds, shapes and sizes, who grow up into grown ass women desperately seeking their prince charming at every turn. And that’s why on shows like Say Yes to the Dress they be like, “I have been planning my wedding since I was four years old.” Ummm… Really? Have you?

And the 'The Real, Nah For Real, Sisters Are Doin It For Ourselves So We Don't Need No Rescuin, Ok?' Woman's Council makes it clear that these movies are detrimental to your health. Bad, bad, bad for your psyche. Your overall well being. They stay kickin' the truth to the youth. Keepin it real and funky. Love don't happen in no two days! You can be happy and single. You can, really! And for that Black Women Committee huddled in that corner over there especially, ain't no nygga showin up on a white horse. So, hope you've been putting money away in your IRA.

And so you swear off these types of movies! Or at least paying ~~full price~~ for them. And you get to an age where you might subject yourself to a romantic comedy (strictly for entertainment of course ), but you don't dare believe any of it. Cause that’s just a fairytale, she just happens to have traded a bucket of water for a Chanel purse.

But then when you come out of the dark theatre, and turn the pages of real life aka all these wedding stories in the newspapers. And Minty knows them better than I do, but the ones I do see be like: perfect couple met 20 years ago in college. Sometimes they dated. Sometimes they were just good friends. Then they traveled the world separate and apart. Married and divorced other people. And then fate brought them together again whilst working at an orphanage in Siberia. And you be like word?!? That really happens to people? Why that’s the stuff movies are made out of!

And don't let it be Black people with the most romantical story ever! I think everyone saw that PowerPoint email that was goin round of that Black guy who rented out half the Ritz Carlton, had chick's friends from kindergarten, pastor and parents gathered for that surprise wedding proposal. You be like awwww damn!

It’s like damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Don't wanna trust these movies where people fall in love at first sight. But can't really trust these real life stories where he immediately knew she was the one, she wasn’t so sure, she stayed on his mind, and then he did the mostest to woo her. I mean you wanna believe that things can be that easy (seemingly of course, I know it take work - but stay with me people. Ok? Ok!). Effortless. Beautiful. But it's like unicorns. Or mermaids. Or shooting stars. Or nyggas on white horses.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

stay so fresh and oh so mf'in clean

2010-06-17T21:13:00.000-04:00

if you know me, you know i'm an outkast stan till i die. they the best by far. over a million sold to this day. i have a special love for big boi, being the hometown homie that he is. while everybody fawned over the love below (as they should), i bumped speakerboxx with equal frequency.

so you know i'm so a-cited about the release of sir lucious left foot: the son of chico dusty. it drops july 6th and i can't wait to get it. so far ev-er-re-thang i've heard from the upcoming album is like ragu, it's in there, he's giving you some of the best of him!

like his new joint general patton. smellin' sweeter than a plate of yams with extra syrup. shouts out to the victory bowling lanes making a cameo, a place where i failed to make many a strike.

for more info on big boi go here.

The Best Policy?

2010-06-15T17:45:00.000-04:00

We are all familiar with phrase Honesty is the Best Policy. Yet I think it’s safe to say that we have assessed certain situations and discovered that while honesty is a policy it may not always be the best one at the time. Like if someone’s child looks more like a gremlin than a human baby it’s probably best to “Awwww!” and go on about how precious they are, opposed to exclaiming “Daaaaaaaaamn what the *beep* was that thing?!” Riiiiiight? Right. Or even if your homegirl is dating or marrying a flaming homosexual (knods at Star Jones) maybe it’s better to stay mum, because gaydar is not always accurate. But what policy should we adopt with is comes to adopted children?

Generally speaking I think adoption is a great idea! Be it a road, a grandparent, a puppy or a person. I can’t even convey here how excited I was when my parents were considering adopting a boy a couple years younger than I! As an only child it was a dream come true. But unfortunately it wasn’t a dream that materialized and I occasionally wonder how different life would be for the three of us if my parents had follow through with their plan. I think, if I ever have enough money in my bank to finance it, I’d like to adopt a child, the legal way. But I wonder when is the right time to be honest with the adopted?

It seems that if you don’t tell the child while they are young like pre school age, there really is no right moment. Jack Nicholson found out that his sister was really his mother from a journalist in 1974 after both is mother and grandmother passed on. My mother’s cousin found out after the neighborhood kids informed her through their taunts and teases that her parent’s had picked her up some place. A girl from my high school still doesn’t know the man she calls father isn’t biologically related to her, and her mother is no longer in the picture. And I have heard other stories of kids finding out on their 18th birthdays after their entire families have concealed the truth years. “Happy Birthday Jimmy! You are an adult now and we aren’t your parents! Now go be a productive member of society.” Say whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

This weekend I learned of yet another adoption tale to add to my collection. I found out that a girl from my church- for the sake of story we’ll call her Naomi-was adopted. I always assumed that the older lady she rolled with to church activities was her granny, but alas that’s what I get for assuming. Last month by coincidence, luck, destiny or however else you’d like to label God’s divine will, Naomi found out she had a younger sister (who is walking around with Naomi’s face) who also attended the same church. For months people asked them if they were related and their retort was no, besides Naomi was adopted. But then one day the girls started talking and Naomi shared what she knew about her birth parents. Younger sister said the same things about her birth parents. The rub is that Naomi’s sister was not put up for adoption and still lives with their birth mother. Or course birth mother is feeling uncomfortable about the two girls hanging out with each other; which I can kind of sort of understand because it’s hard to face the truth after 17 years. But my heart breaks for Naomi, because I can’t help but wonder what it is like for her to see her sister and other siblings go home to their momma. My heart breaks for their mother who made decision-which I can only assume was difficult-that no one else understands but her. But it’s a lot to deal with for all parties involved, and I wonder if it would have been better for all if we church folks just continued to wonder how it could be possible for two girls to look so similar and not be related. Isn’t God amazing?

And I think for all of us as we get older we start learning the family secrets and it can be jarring. There are several cousins who I later discovered weren’t related to me by blood, but it didn’t change anything for me. Back in the day many a young pregnant woman birthed their child, gave it to big momma to raise and that was the end of it.
But what it was like for my cousins, when the truth was fully revealed? Did they really care about knowing the truth when a loving family formed around them and the lies anyway? Or were they appreciative that honesty was the policy eventually chosen?

See You In Seven

The Boy Is Yours

2010-06-11T00:00:00.000-04:00

When all the John Edwards baby mama ish hit the fan I actually read Ms. Hunter’s interview in GQ magazine. Even though Dark and Stormy was on some, “girl you crazy, I ain’t readin’ that trash.” But uh yeah it was a slow news day. Or I had work to do and didn’t feel like it. Can’t really remember.

But I do remember deciding to see what this heffa had to say. And in between her ‘being is free’ business cards and her boundless love for Johnny, she basically had a laissez faire, devil may care, I don’t owe Lizzy nuffin type attitude. You see she was just doing her own thang. And Johnny, even though he was married, chose to step to her. And she received him. Cause she is free. And is just passing through this thing called life, like a star or a comet. Ya dig? But under the surface, beyond the craziness, when you got past all the hippy dippy B.S., peeled back the layers and tried to find a reason for their “affair.” What she was basically saying, (to use one of Mint Julep’s favorite quotes) was don't be surprised that it went down like this cause…

“Nyggas ain’t shyt, but hoes and tricks.”

And I agree. Now that’s not fair Rum Punch, all nyggas ain’t shyt, but...OK. That’s true. So, to quote another wordsmith, I’ll say, the world is filled with pimps and hoes, we’ll just talk about those I know. And so as a single woman I have dated men who have left and chose another. They got into deep, deeeep relationships almost immediately. Found the one and got engaged. Almost immediately. And that’s cool. Ain't no thang. This is of course after the tears and the curse words. Then it's all do you man. Until….

Until they came back like what you doin? How you been? What’s up with you? Maybe we should… And you be like oh you single now? Nope. Not at all. Not even a little bit. Still with that other chick. Oh. Oh? Ohhhhhhh.

Admittedly I can be a tad naïve or eyes wide shut when I get a, ‘wanna go to dinner’ text (as I did this past weekend) from a former beau. And I have asked aloud, “why does he want to meet with me?” And I have gotten the virtual and physical O_o from Minty, my brother, and other comrades. But you see for me – because I have moved on I assume they have as well.

And so there were times in the past when I have accepted the invitation. Only to feel a foot against my leg or a ~~well~~ misplaced hand on my back. And it feels good. For a minute. Like a literal ego stroke. And it’s like YESSS!!! Vengeance is mine, chick! (Yeah you just forget that you totally moved on) You start dancing on the inside, talmbout if that’s your boyfriend, if that’s your boyfriend, if that’s your boyfriend, he wasn’t last night. In yo' face bi-ya! In yo' face!!! Cabbage patch. Running man. Roger Rabbit. And do the snake - you lose, I win, you lose! These are the things that have gone through my mind.

But then you know I come to my senses. I refuse the advances. But I also wonder about the other woman who is in actuality his woman. His ride or die. Who thinks he's the best, the minfin best. Who she just knows can't do no wrong. Whom she trusts. Lots. And I know she don’t know about this. She don’t know about me. And that makes me sad. Lose hope. In these nigs. In all of humanity. Heh.

Ms. Hunter, Alicia Keys, Gabby Union, all the other no name, mistresses/side pieces/jump offs often get blamed, get good tongue lashings on the blogs, in the media, and are continually chastised for “taking” someone else’s man/husband. The other woman's retort comes right on cue – I didn’t take him. He came willingly. Yada.

Having been placed in potential compromising situations – I understand where these chicks are coming from. Sure I never made him come to me. Sure he chose to be an a*hole in the dark and live an 'I'm getting fitted for my angel wings' life in the light. But I don’t have to go to dinner. I can plainly ask, “does your fiancé know you want to come over to my house?” Does your girlfriend know you picking me up in her car? And decline invitations when it seems, that something in that milk ain't clean.

Cause as I get older (even though I do get so lonely), I choose to do right, regardless of if they want to do wrong. And it's not always for altruistic reasons. Or cause I feel sorry for the other woman. And think that we are bonded by sisterhood. Or cause my moral compass is always pointing North. Or cause I believe karma is a bi-ya. It's mainly because I've done the math, the cost analysis as it were, and decided these nyggas' tricks, their shyt, just aint worth it.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

Taking it even farther back cause it's Friday and I'm iganant like that! He's mine you may'a had him once, but I got him all the time. You can't sleep at night. BWAAAHH!

Social Studies

2010-06-08T18:00:00.001-04:00

So I wonder as I wander what personal interactions will look like on the street in the next 5 years, given that we now live our lives through Facebook, Twitter and texting.

I was at my cousin’s graduation party and all the children were hanging out in the basement. Me being younger than the old folks, decided to start off hanging out in the land of the yougins. Music was playing and there was occasional laughter- but overall it was pretty quiet. Everyone had their cell phone in hand texting away! Actual interaction among the attendees mainly consisted of demands to pose for a picture with someone’s camera phone. I guess just to show via Facebook that they were there in attendance. My younger cousin even went so far as to get the laptop to show me and her best friend who lives up the street pictures she posted on the Book because we could see them better than on her phone. Seriously? Realizing that I am older than the young folks, I went upstairs with the grown folks. They were laughing and talking to each other about the 70’s, their kids who still live at home and the “joys” of getting older. But they were doing it without responding to the latest chime on their iPhone. Their conversations were face to face, totally free of hand held distraction. And there I was in the middle of it all, able to relate to both worlds but not feeling completely comfortable. It was weird.

As an early 80’s baby I feel like I am the last of the breed who can hold a conversation over a plate of food and leave my cell phone in my purse. I even like to send thank you notes and get well cards through the (gasp) mail! But by the same token I enjoy sending emails and text messages over having telephone conversations. Ugh! Just picking up the phone to call someone requires that I have subject matter at the ready. Gone are the days when people could just spend hours on the phone talking about…well nothing at all. In this instantaneous society I feel like I need to have a purpose in my call, there is no room for phone call randomness. It’s much better to randomly send an “I found the perfect toilet paper!” text, than having a phone conversation about how I’ll never use the CVS brand again. Because really who has time for that?

Even at work when my phone rings I wish in my soul, as allow the call to go to voicemail, that they would just send me an email. Email allows me to answer you when I feel like it. And I like that! If you ask me a question on the phone that I don’t know the answer to I have to pretend that 1. I care 2. that I am listening 3. I will actively spend the rest of my day trying to find the answer for you. When in fact I will do 4. Surf the internet and address your concern at my convenience (usually 30 minutes prior to me leaving for the day).

But maybe this is just me. I’m not on the Book, I’ve never Tweeted, back in the day I was one of the first to let my Black Planet page lapse. So I can safely say that me and technology aren’t particularly fond of each other. But texting and email do suit me just fine! And by stating that, I know that something has changed, because I use to be a phone call every day-or a least a couple times a week kind of teenager. And my teen years aren’t that far behind me. And something keeps changing among us human folks as a whole. When we have folks passing each other on the street and can’t even say hello in person, but they are Facebook friends! What’s up with that? It makes me feel like being so connected all the time is making us all a little more socially awkward when we meet face to face.

See You In Seven

Past Puppy Love

2010-06-07T08:45:00.004-04:00

When I was 13 a met a young man at a beach picnic and exchanged numbers drawn in the sand. To this day I still remember that number, even though I never wrote it down. On this day, I experienced my first kiss and it was kind of magical when I think back on it. Sunset on the beach, looking out at the water, sitting side by side, man puts his hand on my far shoulder, then uses his other hand to wrap his towel around me and go in for the kill. DAMN! That was hot... if only I could find my diary from back then now. I don't remember the cologne he was wearing but I do remember the feeling of being swept off my feet by his smell. It went down as one my best kisses EVER! (sigh) I didn't even know what to make of this event at the time. All I knew was that I liked this dude!

Later that night I got the beating of a lifetime. Little did I know my house was a no boys zone and my mother was absolutely livid I gave him my number. (sigh) I was so naive, never in a million years did I think she would freak about a boy calling the house but to make matters worst... when she asked me questions about him I told her the truth. If I could go back in time I would have never told her a thing! But oh no, I told her everything! And it was everything that caused me to get my butt tanned. When I think back on this incident I completely understand why punishment was necessary. This boy who I had given my number to was 7 years my senior... Whoa!

Need less to say, that was a wrap. He was not calling me anymore. (sigh) But then again, I still wanted to talk to him. It wasn't like I was ever going actually see dude considering my mother would probably kill me. We went from a simple kiss at sunset to an occassional phone call here and there. Boyfriends came and went and I could always rely on him to help me out when in a bind. Countless emergency rides home from parties and pep talks to get through studying for exams. The ultimate protector in my back pocket. Two years of this and it was time for my mother and this young man to meet again. By this time it was okay for boys to call the house and you better believe, he was on speed dial. In fact, the irony of this story is that the day my mother met him, she loved him. Even to this day... she still loves him. Makes us chuckle inside every time because if she only knew he was the same boy from way back when that she claimed could not possibly have anything in common with me. You couldn't tell me at 15, we weren't a match made in heaven. The relationship lasted until I was 19. And at the time, he was SO out my league.

I went off to college and he stayed home. I think that was the last we ever spoke. Except for the one time he built up the courage to warn me about a past loser boyfriend. By this time, I had labeled him my first love and the direction my life was moving in was no going to collide with his again. For years my best friend would tease that on one of these trips home I was going to see him and fall in love with him again. And for years, I would say, "Please he is so out of my league. What could we possibly have in common?" Then it happened. Tens later I run into this dude on the day I am supposed to return to Philly and you could swear it was as if we were separated by war. WTF?!? It was though nothing had changed. My heart was beating like crazy and frozen. I could tell he was just as nervous as I was yet we still managed to speak.

Okay, so all the times I played this possible event over in my head... I thought it would go something like this. We meet, we say "whats up?" then go our separate ways. The last thing I was expecting was a heart felt apology for breaking my heart and the "I still love you" speech. Excuse me? What is a girl supposed to do with that? (sigh) Then here comes, I am not going to let you out my life again. WHAT?!? Dude I live miles away! I am not going to lie, just like our first kiss, this meeting seemed unreal! He then reminds me of how when we first met, he always knew I was going to be his wife. And I am thinking yes, I remember you saying that back then... but come on, we are adults now. This is the second time I have heard such non sense from an ex so why was it trippin' me up this time? O-M-G! This is way too much for me right now. So what do I do? And is it truly possible to resurrect a relationship that I had defined as past puppy love? Or was this about to be something different and better? Who knows?

Much luv 'til next week... peace:)

Gyal me wann fi hold yuhhh put me arms right arounddd ya
Gyal you give me the tightest hold me eva seen in my life

The Breadth of Life

2010-06-04T11:16:00.007-04:00

Earlier this week I watched the video of Kat.Stacks getting the ish smacked out of her. And my mouth was agape. I don’t know much about her, but I know enough that she has apparently made what some might consider some poor choices and is becoming persona non grata in the hip hop world. We can debate all day long her level of foulness, but I do hope that we can all agree that it’s never ok for two grown ass men to run up on a woman and start slapping her in the face. That is not ok. Ever. And I wonder if women know that. If men know that. If these babies know that. If they watched it and laughed. If they will mimic the behavior. If they will ever learn that it’s never ok.

And then I read this article yesterday about a 7 year old girl contracting gonorrhea from her mother’s “boyfriend.” And it broke my heart. And made me sad. Sure she is not the only little girl whose innocence is taken away on a daily basis. Who has no voice. No power. No choice. But I wonder what will her future look like? What if 20 years from now she is the next generation’s Kat.Stacks? And everyone is all, “look at that ‘ho.” Not realizing what she came from. Is this to say every promiscuous woman has been molested? No, of course not. Does every promiscuous woman have low self esteem? Hmmm… I don’t know. That’s all relative and subjective, I suppose.

What I do think, is that what we are seeing is a lot of pain in these babies. Pain that has nowhere to go, but out, because it has already gnawed up the insides. I once heard a pastor say that it is the events that make you grow as a person that we are often too embarrassed to talk about. And this is where I stopped writing yesterday because I didn’t know what else to say.

And then I attended my church’s revival yesterday night featuring the awesome Rev. Dr. James Forbes. He preached from Ezekiel 37:1-14 – the valley of dry bones and raising bones from the dead. And then like no other revival I had ever attended – he stopped his sermon, told us all to sing Jesus Loves Me (yes the song from childhood), hug yourself while singing it, greet one another in that love, and then get with a partner and ask them – Where do you see death in this nation? Its dry bones?

My partner was an older woman whose face and name I knew, but I had never really spoken to. We had read the same Washington Post article – she in the morning (and she couldn’t read anything else after that), me in the evening before coming to church. We had the same reaction. Sadness. Anger. Helplessness.

But like any good pastor, Rev. Forbes didn’t just ask us where we see death, dry bones that need to be put back together and have life breathed in them – of course he asked us what we are going to do about it. Because that is our job as Christians. But even if you’re not a Christian by name or practice, I have always believed that it is our job as human beings – to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable. In a huge way. A seemingly small way. But somehow. Someway.

Over the years I have felt a calling to help and work with little girls (which is why the two stories I started off with really spoke to my soul). I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I grew up in a loving, nurturing family and community and I want to ensure that all little girls know what it feels like to be loved. Maybe it’s because in spite of being loved and wanted, I have had some traumatic experiences that only me and the Lord know about – that left me feeling unloved and unwanted. And I would never want a little girl to think they have to struggle with emptiness and brokenness all on their own.

Recently I have despised coming to work. And it’s not because of the work that I do, but because of the politics of the job and the organization. But last night’s sermon reminded me, that it’s not about me at all, that the work I do is part of something bigger – giving little brown and black girls new opportunities, a safe space where they feel loved and encouraged. But it's easy to forget when you have to deal with so much other foolishness.

Cause it can be hard to fulfill one’s purpose in a world of materialism. Where success is defined by the amount of money in your bank account and the car that you drive. It can be difficult to rise above the clatter of work, cell phones and other technology that keep us in constant communication, family obligations, hair appointments, when is my husband coming thoughts, my car needs a new transmission and I don’t have the money woes, oh yeah and other bills are piling up too, and Lord there is oil oozing into the ocean, and a huge sink hole, and babies are killing each other over gold plated bracelets, and folks are losing their homes, and, and, and… And find your place in it all. Your purpose. Your destiny. That in truth should have nothing to do with you at all.

As I step off my philosopical soap box, Rev. Forbes also said something that I have to further ponder. He said, "oftentimes we want to appear to the world as just beautiful, fresh cut flowers. Just kinda doing our own thing. But we must be rooted [in faith]." But to take it out of Christian context - I feel that we must be rooted in something greater than ourselves. What roots you? Inspires you? Moves you? Provides you with the strength to make it through the day? What gives you the very breath you need to make this life worth living?

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

wanna get next to you

2010-06-03T00:05:00.000-04:00

ya'll remember kirk? he's the dude i went out with that one time after many a false start and then he friend-zoned me on the slick. let me take you back...

and then i got the most bitchassedness text message today. kirk tells me he doesn't have time to date, despite my being smart, funny, very attractive, and well just great, he hopes we can remain friends.

jigga what?!?!? jigga who does that? by text no less. my guy friend said i told you so and my sistafriends said you didn't want to date him anyway. but that's besides the point. how you gone have time to be friends but not have time to date? riddle me that. part of me thinks good riddance to bad rubbish but part of me thinks he's lying. but for why? was he just not feeling a sista? was he intimidated? was he really just that damn busy? or not ready to follow through on plans to meet? not that i'll be losing any sleep over it for these are the days of my life as a single lady. but still...who does that?

well kirk is back at it again. since his grace-less bow out, kirk has been randomly texting and calling me about every couple of weeks, attempting small talk about the weather, his work, and baby kittens: all manner of generic things you talk about with someone you seemingly never want to see naked.

then my life became like an episode of how i met your mother. my co-worker called me: listen up i got a story to tell. [insert the black flashback screen that reads "a couple days ago..."]. at a training session, my co-worker met a woman, we'll call her lois lane, who will be interning at our office this summer. lois lane asked my co-worker, you know this woman named mint julep? she works in your office. co-worker replies of course. why do you ask? lois lane says i want to work with mint julep for the summer and solicits my co-worker's help in hooking her up with me for the summer.

[insert co-worker's mean side-eye here]

co-worker questions lois lane about why she's so thirsty for a drink of the minty freshness. and out comes the craziness. apparently lois lane is good friends with captain kirk. he has confided in her how much he was/is/will forever be feeling me. he's shared with her how perfect i was for him and how he feels like he blew his chance with me. but he believes that if she can talk him up to me during the summer his window of opportunity might re-open. so her plan is to drop little hints about how great he is during her internship.

boy stop! girl bye!

[flashback to the present and me laughing into the phone at the super-weirdness that my life has become.]

i can just imagine kirk sitting up in his room all alone at night harboring feelings for me holding his pillow tight, coming up with this master plan. i feel a little vindicated that his whole "let's just be friends" thing was a great big ball of stage fright. but it's also really weird to me that he's doing the most trying to get next to me when he had many a chance to do so already. and kinda sorta pretty much fucked that allllllll the way up. or not. theoretically he still has an opportunity if he comes at a sista on the real real, in a grand gesture-like standing up on a counter in the middle of fall carnival kinda way. let me get another chance to make you love me girl. but alas, he's taken the lemme play mind games on you approach.

i thought only females plotted and schemed for hours on end to perfectly time the exact second mr. quarterback walks past her in the hallway to drop that chemistry book at his feet and do her best bend and snap. it feels a little like ~~truth about cats and dogs~~ or ~~sleepless in seattle~~ or that random episode of girlfriends (shouts to rum punch).

and again i say who does that?

Using My Lazy Card...Again!

2010-06-01T23:45:00.000-04:00

Don't you hate it when you are bored at work, school or at life in general and you go to a blog 'specting to laugh or at least be mildly amused and all they have posted is a stupid video? Like how freaking lazy can they be?!

It's like going to a Jay-Z concert and his hype man is cuing up the iPod to play Blueprint while Jay-Z sits on stage sipping Fuji Water!And you paid 85 bucks for this? (which will probably be the case in about 15 more years)

It's like going to a resturant and the waiter pulls up a chair and sits down to take your order and then wants to stay awhile and chat about our past lives! (true story, it happened to me and my home girl a few years ago).

It's like yo momma standing in the kitchen while you are upstairs trying to find a cure for cancer through google searches and she asks you to get her a drink of water! Huh?! Why she can't do it, if she's already in the kitchen?!

And I am that freakin' lazy today ya'll. With today being the first day back at work after nearly a week, family in town for little cousin's graduation tomorrow and choir rehearsal at the church house going longer because which our fabulous minister of music flinging his wrists around (aka directing) people weren't sure when they should sing. My brain doesn't have anymore to give ya'll than Usher's OMG!

Sorry ya'll, but I secretly-well not so secretly now-and with guilt love this song!

See You In Seven

The Typecast(e) System

2010-05-28T00:00:00.009-04:00

Based on a convo I recently had with Courvoisier, I have been thinking about types. I won’t reveal what we discussed, but I have been wondering the following:

1. Do you think that a certain type of person is attracted to you?
2. Are you usually attracted to that type of person?
3. If not, do you think you should go for the person you’re attracted to or just say f-it and get with the one who shows you some love?

I have noticed that there are three types of guys who are consistently attracted to me:
1. Youngins. Maybe it’s my baby face, but they stay crushing on me.
2. Old men (and not like the dirty old man who hollas at everything in a skirt old, but just significantly older). Maybe it’s my baby face, but they stay thinking I’m beautiful.
3. Women in their mid fifties who find me totally adorable and keep telling me someone is gonna marry me honey! But that's a post for another day
4. Chunky men who are from the South. Lol. Maybe it’s my baby face. Or that I'm light skinded with longish hair. Or maybe it’s the fact that I’m not a small girl myself and they think we could hit up an Old Country Buffet together. Me no know.

But I do know that the men I be checking for, often times don’t be checking for me. At least not in a romantical type way. And I’m not saying this like I think I’m unattractive. I just think that I might be more attractive to a different set of men who I tend to pay no mind. And please note I'm talking about strictly looks. No points for personality.

So, do I succumb to fate and just accept that I might have to be a cougar, or have a sugar daddy, or make sure my smothered chicken, collard greens, and pound cake game is tight? Or do I press on and hold out for my dream man? And for the record in my mind he ain't even that dreamy. He'd just be my kinda eye candy. Don't want someone supa foine. Then I gotta fight every night to prove my love! © Random dude from The Five Heartbeats. Tee hee.

On an episode of How I Met Your Mother, they discussed how in every relationship there is the reacher and the settler - where one person reaches for someone out of their league, the other person settles for someone below theirs. Insert your own "" where necessary. Lol. Similar concept can be found here at everyone’s favorite site Very Smart Brothas. Or maybe you and your friends have couple watched and played the fun game that is, ‘Who Got the Better Deal.’

Yes, it's very conceited of me to assume I'd be the settler, but if my recent dating selections are any indication - it's truth. LOL! I get that in theory we are supposed to look past someone's, well looks, and find the good inside. And I been there, done that, so I get it. But if a certain type of person keeps stepping to you - is that a sign from the universe that this is as good as it gets, so jump on it? Is it better to at least have someone in your life who will call you beautiful (and mean it) or keep striving for the one you want to notice you? Or like the caste system, do you simply accept your place in society and learn to live life to the fullest with the chunky man by your side?

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

he's just not that into you...at all

2010-05-27T22:07:00.001-04:00

a couple months back a friend of mine virtually introduced me to a friend of hers in that no-pressure-but-this-is-kind-of-a-hook-up sorta way. dude (we'll call him malcolm) and i had a few phone conversations and then fell into a fcuk-effort crackberry messenger routine. after we got past the stats and talked about our respective wants, needs and can't stands, we then began discussing a potential meet and greet. you see, malcolm lives in the nyc area and i'm a nola girl (for now). i had a trip to the dc urreaa planned already so we decided to meet there.

the short and short of it is that my trip came and went with me not meeting malcolm (in the middle) during my visit. he apologized for "falling sick" during the weekend but expressed a desire to visit me in the crescent city. so he can't be bothered to hop on 95 and drive for a couple hours but he'll buy a plane ticket and come all the way to the gulf coast? boy stop!

what's clear to me is that he didn't want to meet me. and before folks get all "don't be so hard on him maybe he was really sick" on me, i haven't heard from dude since then. and that was 2 weeks ago. riiiight.

it's all good though. i never regret "meeting" a new person and having interesting conversation with them (for conversations sake alone). but this whole blind date that never was got me to thinking. if he wasn't feeling me why didn't he just say that? i'm a big girl, i can take it. no, really, i can. just ignore my bbm's till i get the picture (or respond who is this? to my next message.) lie to me and tell me you got a girlfriend. defriend me on facebook. send me an unsolicited text that simply says "yeah....no and no." i'm so serious. these are all acceptable subtle ways of sending me that not so subtle message that you're just not that into me.

cause really and truly that's what i should start doing. malcolm's no-show has me thinking, do i let the males in my life know i've tuned out? to be honest, i'm probably no more clear and straightforward than malcolm was. i keep numbers in case the need for a free lunch arises or a lonely saturday night rears its ugly head. maybe i oughta let go of the tubbies who i know i could never ever ever get with for real for real and stop meeting them for drinks when i've got nothing better to do. perhaps i should let go of my ole' ego stroke dinner companion and stop playing with his emotions. maybe malcolm was a little bit of payback in cold hard relationship karma. or maybe he really was sick...

What’s in a pre-nup?

2010-05-26T17:14:00.000-04:00

It’s just a piece of paper?

An understanding of accords?

A guaranteed stability floor?

A copout for the enfeebled?

A reminder of the inequities in a relationship?
Hmmm….

I have heard the argument that since 50% of marriages end in divorce, the prevalence of the dissolution of marriage requires pre-nuptial agreements. A few weeks ago, I happened to be reading the latest Sista 2 Sista magazine and its Editor, Jamie Foster Brown, interviewed Chilli (TLC) and she shared that there’s a whole lot of mess, drama in divorces without prenups and Bellini is thinkin’ true … true… and thus a prenup could circumvent some of that unnecessary drama…
But Chilli you’re a multi-millionaire I hope who unfortunately filed for bankruptcy, so you just might be a bit jaded on the issue.
Aaaahhhh, but then a recent conversation with a friend brought a pedestrian perspective.

So my friend’s cousin is a newlywed, Anthony. The newlyweds have been mindin’ their own business, except Anthony’s family has been trippin’… Well the Anthony’s father is a self-made millionaire keen on entrenching the riches within the family, Anthony is tied to many of those assets. So, when the Anthony was ready to propose to his now wife, Anthony’s father offered to finance the wedding. Now mind you nobody asked Anthony’s Daddy to do shit. Well, it turns out Anthony’s Daddy had surreptitious motives and was trying to leverage his financing of the wedding to coerce Anthony to obtain a prenup. Anthony, standing firm in his manhood, told his Daddy – NO!
Well, do ya know Anthony’s sisters are acting a damn fool. They’re dissing they’re sister-in-law at functions, calling her a gold-digger, etc… Mind you, the wife’s family are by no means shabby in their finances. You know I had to tell my friend to remind his cousins that God forbid their brother’s union fail, they sure are giving her plenty of ammunition to wipe them clean tee hee tee hee
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, God bless a child that got its own
cheers,

Bellini

Goddess of Love and Beauty?

2010-05-25T00:00:00.001-04:00

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.

So what the *beep* is this saying?

Would it have been too much to ask for her to put on some black lollipops?! My homeboy thought she was wearing a thong and he was seeing actual butt cheeks! I know Janet, it ain't fair-where's the FCC now?

I know that the Williams sisters are beasts in the world of female tennis. And many folks think that when they run things, they can do whatever they like. But there are still rules, limits and small things like self respect that should be considered. And the fact that when you are in the public eye, you become role models to the childrens. Whether you want that role in the lives of the impressionable youth becomes a moot point because thats the cost of celebrity.

There ain't nothing beautiful about this shot Ve Ve!

I wondered as I wandered if she was about to drop an album and this was just a publicity stunt to get me to go out an cop her new record. But no, she's not vying to be the next Lil Kim. So then I thought, making a statement aside, that Ms. Williams wanted to compete with Serena for the Ms. Butterface award. I think it is common knowledge that shortly after Halle, Serena appears on black men's WILF lists largely because of her A$$ests-both physical and monetary.

But what do I know? I don't have a thousand words left to say about this, but maybe do you. Am I just a prude hating on her freedom of expression? Or do you also agree that this was a statement that was lost in translation?

See You In Seven

Meet the Friends

2010-05-24T13:40:00.005-04:00

In some relationships, there is always that moment where you have to meet the friends. For me this is almost as bad as meeting the parents. I usually don't have a problem with meeting his friends but oh-boy, I am always worried for him when it is time to meet my friends. My friends can be tough. Tougher than my parents in some cases.

Two weeks ago, Semi-colon had the pleasure of meeting some of my friends. I was not prepared for this meeting but it was one of those coincidental meetings or so I would like to believe. (sigh)

Anyway, we all know that when a friend meets the 'other', it's natural to ask about the other from that point onwards or pass some kind of judgement. Usually I brush off the inquiries and ignore the judgments. Why? Because I am a grown a$$ woman and can make decisions for myself (chuckle). No but seriously, it is me who has to live with these decisions.

Back to my story... Semi-Colon meets one of my friends, let's call her April. The minute Semi and April meet, April can't stop going on and on about how attractive Semi is behind his back. Okay-Okay-Okay! I get it. Then when that doesn't take, the questions start coming. Soooo are you two in a relationship? What's up with him?

(sigh) It appears that I am going to have to give some information to end this train of thought. So I do. I say "We are cool. Just friends. We are feeling each other out... you know. Nothing too serious."

She says "So nothing too serious, like you wouldn't have a problem with him hollaring at your girl?"

Crazy Chick (remember her?) kicks in. Ummm... "Pump your breaks April! One, I am not really thinking about that when I am still trying to get to know him and two, what is it to you?" (All rhetorical questions) Semi don't need to use me to rope in the ladies. He is good if that is his MO"

April then proceeds to tell me no need to get defensive, she was only asking because she didn't want me to be strung along.

CC was like "Okay?!?" (sigh)

This whole interaction made me realize that I WAS a bit defensive because I mean DAMN, why women gat to be SO competitive? I like the dude but why do I have to hurry and put a possession label on him out of fear that someone else will take him? Can I just enjoy the nightly bedtime calls. (sigh) So then I start thinking about whether or not I should start seriously thinking about moving in the relationship direction with Semi or moving on. (sigh) Forcing the situation kind of... in one way or the other. (sigh)

Nah, who am I fooling? I am NOT remotely interested forcing the situation. I am not new to this game... I am patient. After all at the end of the day, I am honest about my feeling and that is all that matters. I can't be bothered with what he decides to do or I will constantly be in a state of unrest.

Much luv until next week... peace :)

The Rough Side of the Mountain

2010-05-21T00:00:00.002-04:00

When I was younger this was one of my favorite gospel songs. Lord knows we never heard it at my church. Tee hee. But it would come on the radio whilst going to church. And I don’t know. At eight, nine, ten years old, it just resonated with me. It just sounded like chu’ch. Like my great granny’s church we used to go to when we went down South. Somewhere off a lil' country road. One room. No air. People fanning. Hands clapping. Folk shouting. Great granny and her sister getting up and singing hymns that only they knew.

Whenever I heard Rough Side of the Mountain as a child, it just sounded authentic. As if someone was really talking to God. And not just talking, but also keeping it real with Him, like, “yo. For real? This right here is really rough.” Especially when the woman would come in at the chorus with her throaty, strong voice. I would have visions of someone literally struggling up the side of a huge mountain with a big ol bag on their back. Struggling. Sweating. Stumbling. Weary. Worn. Out. Run. Down. But still climbing. And letting it be known the whole way to anyone who was listening (the Lord included) that, “This is hard. But I’m doing my best. And I’m gonna make it.” Cause I always thought the person was gon’ make it.

But what did I know about life’s mountains at 10 years old? Not a thing I tell ya. And even now I feel like I’ve only dealt with some really steep hills. Lol. But the other day I was going through it. Having a crisis of faith. Not in the Lord. But in myself. In my abilities. In my purpose. In my destination. In my right now. There were no quick answers. And truth be told it seemed like there were no answers at all. Just questions. A million questions. A thousand different paths. A hundred steps to take. I just have to start walking. One really huge mountain that seems impossible to climb. And so I had to take it back to my childhood and put this song on repeat. Cry to it. Pray on it. Whine, "oh Lawwddd" all through it. And then let it speak to my spirit. Soothe my soul. Push me up a little higher. Force me to do better. Make me clasp His hand tighter. And remind me that I’m gon’ make it.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

the more things change...

2010-05-20T23:00:00.000-04:00

just before this year's super bowl, new orleans elected a new mayor. he won 66% of the vote in a field of over 5 other candidates. his closest competitor received only 14% of the vote. no doubt he was the people's choice in a crowded field where elections usually drag on for successive rounds of primaries and runoffs.

in contrast, several seasoned politicians and a couple of political newcomers (but not new runners) rushed to the open Louisiana State House District 93 Seat a few months ago. James Perry and Helena Moreno rose to the top of a wide field of candidates and will duke it out in next week's runoff. now that the stakes are high, the kid gloves have come off and both candidates are going for the jugular, exposing the relative faults of their opponent.

the gambit, nola's local weekly paper (the smart and reliable alternative to the time-pic) recently posted it's endorsement in the District 93 race.

Voters in House District 93 will choose a new state representative on Saturday, May 29. The district contains the economic nerve center of Louisiana — most of the French Quarter, all of the CBD and Warehouse District, the port, the Morial Convention Center, the Louisiana Superdome and New Orleans Arena, the new LSU/VA hospital project, and the mainstays of the city’s tourism and restaurant industries.

The two remaining candidates are housing advocate James Perry and former newscaster Helena Moreno. In their runoff campaigns, the candidates have brought forth disturbing accusations against one another, and recent revelations about both cause us to take no position in this race. That this race has come down to two seriously flawed candidates is a shame, considering the economic importance of this district.

more of the same.

INAFJ!

2010-05-18T12:15:00.001-04:00

So I come to work today and my coworker is ranting and raving about the awesomeness of this...

She's talking about how she is going to contribute to the movement, blah blah blah. I'm like okay girl, get up stand up for your rights! Even though you are gainfully employed and are well past college graduate age.

So like the Tea Party movement, I Need A Freaking Job is catching on like wildfire. And while I understand the frustration that unemployment and even underemployment can exact on a person just trying to make it and not be burden on others, I do wonder what they hope to accomplish with t-shirts and youtube videos. And after reading this, these folks are mad! I will admit that some of their opining had me chuckling a teensy bit...only because its truth. I just wonder who are they mad at? Because I don't recall all of these movements circa 2000-2008. But I guess when people are hurting it really doesn't matter who said or did what in the past, you just want the pain to stop immediately.

Did people observing the campaign of 2008 really think that Obama and em could really do it all in a couple of years? The fact that people thought that Mr. Obama was the second coming that would soon wipe all our tears away truly makes me chuckle. The fact that it hasn't happened yet and folks are wondering what they can hope in also makes me chuckle. Why would the political system be any different, if a multiracial man is "running" it? It's a system that has governed our country for decades...you can't change a system overnight. Right?

So as my coworker strokes out a check to get a INAFJ tee-shirt I eagerly await the next movement. Is it too late for me to ask for my 40 acres and a mule?

See You In Seven

Just Wright... Is Just Right for Me

2010-05-17T00:00:00.002-04:00

This past weekend I went to see Just Wright. I L-O-V-E-D it!

Yes, it was cliche and yes, you know how the story ends but I enjoyed watching it unfold the way it did. This movie has all my favorites in it... shall I list them? Listed in no particular order.

Queen Latifah
Common
Phylicia Rashad
Paula Patton
Pam Grier
Mehcad Brooks

... and many more.

I will admit, I love black romantic comedies and this one is long over due. Love Jones and Brown Sugar have been on repeat in my DVD player for the longest and I can't wait for this to be released on DVD so I can add this to the collection. This movie manages to go back and forth between reality and fantasy without annoying me.

I will admit though that Common could have been replaced by someone else but it was refreshing to see a new face and it was a good opportunity for him. And I am okay with that too... he is cute.

QL on the other hand was HILARIOUS to me without turning into a Tyler Perry character. She was funny, sassy, strong, attractive and real but I am not going to lie, she seemed uncomfortable when it was time for her to be a lady. I just couldn't bring myself to believe that she really knew how to be completely 'fem'. Something about the scene in the bed that didn't ring true but I have always had this problem with QL. So who would I cast instead of QL? NO one. She is the best we got out there right now. I thought maybe Jill Scott but I can't image Jill being sporty at all! That would be a stretch. And there is J Hudd but we all know she isn't the best actress so QL it is. Thank god there aren't too many lovey dovey scences in the movie because that would have ruined it. There is just a enough.

Besides the acting this movie touches on a few of my favorite topics of discussion. Paula Patton's character lives up to our expectations about women with sole mission in life is to marry rich athletes. Although it was interesting see Paula dolled-up all the time, I found her character to be pathethic and extremely believable. Especially after I have spent the whole week reading and thinking about this whole idea of male sponsorship. Don't get me wrong, I understand the beauty of the idea but this strategy of obtaining a life-time sponsor is like playing to lotto everyday instead of investing in your 401k for retirement, for me. Could we work on making sure you and the targeted prey of choice run in the same circle as you? Similar to the chick who goes to law school to find the lawyer/future politian. (chuckle) When Paula said that she wanted to become a brand, I was like why don't you focus on that first? I found it more exciting that QL's character's career had the opportunity to blossom based on her hard work not that she was about to get with an athlete. Or maybe that is the Capricorn in me?

I also, thought it was fun how the movie pointed out how one's vision can be so clouded by appearances. Without giving away anymore of the movie (because I would love for you to check it out)... Common's character knew the deal but was just so confused. Why does it have to take loosing or almost loosing someone to get the point? Ordinary just doesn't seem as appealing.(sigh) To be human.

Much luv until next week peace :)

P.S. Rum Punch and Amaretto, I have decided Amir is an art collector and I can't wait to meet him. (chuckle)

Ghetto video track of the week.... no wonder the young girls are confused?!?!

A Vested Interest

2010-05-14T00:00:00.002-04:00

Last week when I was hanging out with dude who was talmbout maybe getting back together with his ex. The main reason was because he wanted a chick in his life to do things with. But if he did not get back with his ex, he then said verbatim, “For real I just want a chick I can hang out with. But she pays for her own stuff…” While I did my best to not look at him as if he had two heads, he regaled me with this delightful tale:

His mama’s friend has a niece attending a local university for grad school. The elders gathered and thought he and this girl, let’s call her Poor Thing should meet. They were first introduced at a holiday gathering. The next time they see each other – they’re both just out in the streets. She orders some food for herself and pays. The third time, he specifically suggests they go see Avatar. Poor Thing arrives to the theatre (probably after being boosted by her auntie that he’s a good dude, so nice, who owns his own home honey, and so on) and he says to her, “Yo. So, I just bought my ticket. I’m fina get our 3-d glasses. You go ‘head buy your ticket and then meet me at the popcorn stand.” Poor thing.

Crickets. Then laughter from Rum Punch. I then look around to see if anyone got this on video. For shame. They did not. And then he says,

Cause I knew man. I knew that if I paid, then she would want me to pay every.single.time.we.went.out.

Prolly so. But um errr I don’t know if that was the best way to handle the situation. Cause apprently it got back around to his folk that he is, "a cheap muhfcuka". Heh. And so now he’s on the hunt for a chick who will willingly pay her own way. “Good luck with that,” I said.

Look, I know that it’s hard out here for a pimp. And for a man with a regular job, who knows to be respectful enough to take a chick out to dinner and a show ‘fore asking her to drop 'dem draws. But it’s y’alls job to pay. It just is. And I know it ain't always right. Or fair. And it sucks (I'm guessing). But I have found a man who agrees and pretty much shut downs any naysayers.

In my eyes, any man worth his weight in salt will insist on picking up the tab when he takes a woman out. And I’m not talking just about when dating our courting. I mean if two platonic friends go out, the man picks up the tab. If a man goes out with a female coworker for appetizers and drinks to talk business, the man picks up the tab. If a man takes his sister or female cousin out, he picks up the tab. That’s just what I believe, right or wrong....For men who believe in pseudo-traditionalist roles, like me, it is his job to protect women, period. Not just women you want to sleep with, not just women you love, but every woman who entrusts herself to your company is now under your charge to be cared for.

Cause on the real the best thing about my male cousin coming to town a few months ago (aside being able to kick it with him) was that he paid for every-thang. Everythang? Everythang! Baby! Drinks, dinner, more drinks, and after I drove around for 10 minutes looking for parking, he said, “please find a lot. I’ll pay.” Sweetest words in the English language. Lol. And obviously he’s not trying to woo me, he just has common sense.

“The truth is,” I said to dude, “is that no chick is just gonna hang with you for kicks for a long stretch of time. This ain’t high school. People got goals.” And they usually involve marriage and baby carriages. And as you get older, and dating becomes more tiresome, that next person you meet who seems cool enough to see again, at least once, becomes a potential investment. And time and yes money spent with and on them determines their value.

Return on your investment in dating terms becomes – if you ain’t spending no money on me, then why am I spending my time with you? I mean I can go to the movies with my homegirls. Hit up a happy hour solo and find a nig who'll buy me a drink. Or the tried and true Rum Punch method: flirt with the bartenders. You ain't that great company, my nygga.

This is not to say that women should be gold diggers and stick nigs (especially everyday, regular ones who are just tryna make it) for their paper. Or that they should never offer to pay. Or treat their man. Or shoooot buy the snacks, while he buys the tickets. But this is to say that in this dating/courtship two step, you have to invest to earn interest.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

Time Keeps on Slipping

2010-05-11T23:30:00.000-04:00

So a couple weeks ago I was watching 60 minutes and Andy Rooney aka “Eyebrows” as Rum Punch calls him was opining about the passage of time.

He felt time flied because we are constantly looking forward to what is going to happen next. Months that we don’t have anything planned, some to drag along. When it was February and there is 3 feet of snow on the ground and how many of us wished that it was a lovely spring day in May? *Amaretto raises her hand* And well now May is here and I wonder what happened to March and April. How many parents, while sitting in their cubicles all year long for that nice family summer vacation, only to then wonder when their kids are going back to school? But it’s hard to live in the moment, especially since no one teaches us how to do it. We learn that we have to prepare for tests, and get into college to get a good job, so we can make money. But how many of us are taught to stop and smell the roses. Or at least appreciate the monotomy of life. Eyebrows was stating that it’s these lazy days that make time last longer.

And yet while I sit in my cubicle I am already thinking about the graduations, birthday parties, weekend getaways and cookout that will span the summer months. And once it’s all said and done I’ll be thinking about the holidays and then the new year in which I will turn 30! And in all of this planning I wonder what moments I’ve missed out on? Today was just a regular ole Tuesday. Went to work, surfed the net, goofed off with coworks, ate, watched some random sketch comedy show on TV that made me laugh. And now I’m rushing to come up with something before Tuesday is over.

And I can honestly say that I never looked forward to Tuesday, May 11th, but it’s time in my life that I’ll never get back and I’m going to try to appreciate that.

See You In Seven

Can we get a book about that?

2010-05-10T09:38:00.003-04:00

There has been a lot of talk lately about single women and how are standards may be too high.... so I decided to conduct a little experiment. I have nothing to loose. I was raised to believe that man is supposed to be able to provide and protect. Or as my friend would say, "She is looking for a man who is financially and emotionally secure and mature." I hear that! But as of late, I feel as if the response for wanting these quality means that our standards are too high. So let's just say I put those standards aside, which I did for the past few months. Give me a second while I explain what I got.

1. The ex-husband with a younger girlfriend who wants to know if we could take me out. Meets me on the train in the morning and decides he wants to ride the same train with me in the evening. After a 1 hour waiting on me to finish work and a 1.5 hour train ride, he realizes I am not laying with his old behind, he has yet to call me back. Now if I had gone with my gut reaction there wouldn't have been no riding home together. But no harm, no foul... I had a good time chatting and laughing on the way home that Friday night.

2. Young boy stops me on my way into the office, tells me he wants to take me out on the town but can't pick up the phone to call. Instead he text and asks if I live by myself and if he could come over. URGH! I told him that was inappropriate and I was not interested in being his whore. I have enough D1cks to choose from, thank you. And you wonder why I treat you like just another dude!

3. Lastly, a 36 year old who is unsure about almost everything in his life. (sigh) Too exhausted to type the rest but he is the only sign of potential.

Don't get me wrong, the time spent entertaining all three of these men was delightful but nothing I am willing to invest in. So much energy is spent on women bettering themselves to find a good man. When am I going to hear a brother say I am trying to get my ish together so I can attract a certain caliber of woman. Or is there no need to because there are more women than men in the world?

Can we get a book about that? (sigh)

Much luv until next week peace :)

My Eyes Are Green Cause I Eats A Lot of Vegetables

2010-05-07T00:00:00.004-04:00

Earlier this week my cousin (another one who’s like a big brother to me) revealed that he is planning on proposing to his girlfriend this weekend. Squeaaal! He just turned 30 years old and had revealed the last time we saw each other that he was ready to settle down and have a family. So this was not a total surprise. Congrats, I said.

And then he emailed me a picture of the ring. Now why you wanna go and do that? It’s everything you would expect from an ‘every kiss begins with Kay’s’ and “he went to Jarred”, commercial. “Awww,” was my reply.

Then Wednesday night I went out with a guy friend and he talmbout how he and his ex girlfriend had rekindled and now she wants to get back together. He wasn’t so sure. Because on the one hand he feels more productive when he’s by himself and can really get on his grind work wise, but on the other hand he also likes the comfort of being in a relationship. And having someone to well you know do stuff with. And how come we as a people never address the fact that men hate to be alone? That women keep coming off as the "weak" ones cause we lament about our lack of dates, but still keep charging through this thing life - whereas this nig can't even go one month without some type of female companionship in his life. But as usual I digress. I sat and listened, keeping my thoughts to myself, but all signs pointed to them getting back together.

And then yesterday my cousin revealed that he was headed to Jamaica because that’s where he is planning on proposing. Hold up. Wait a minute! You left out that part of the story. For real though. You are going to a sunny island, with an awesome ring in your pocket, probably gonna plan some uber romantic way to propose and then propose?!? That’s how you gon’ do it? My response to him. Verbatim: Well alright. I’m fina head to church for this meeting. Then I’ma lay myself across the altar. And then head home and have a good cry. But you have fun!

And just like that without warning the green eyed monster reared its ugly head. Funny how that little bastard just pops up, like “yo yo yo it’s been a minute since we’ve seen each other. Who we hatin’ on today?” Everybody, green eyed monster. Everybody who has them a somebody. Sigh. Of course that’s not right. Of course you shouldn’t say those kinds of things. Of course you should stay positive. And know that God has something better for you. And that there’s someone out there just for you. Yeah! And whatever else is supposed to keep single women calm and away from cliffs.

But sometimes in the right now, when you don’t have a crystal ball, or real prospects, when you wake up in a house by yourself and don’t speak to a single soul until you arrive to work, when you carry the heavy load of life in your own two hands, in your pocketbook and sometimes on your back, when it’s been such a long time you forgot that you were fine, and when you’ve been alone for so long that you can’t even conceive what it would be like to be able to put down your bags and lean on someone else, it sucks. Period. Point blank. Sucks.

There are meaningful words of encouragement dispensed by friends who want only the best for you. There are pastors who deliver sermons on how God never meant for anyone to be alone that are meant to be comforting, but can sometimes have you questioning, wrestling with your own faith. And there are people who don’t understand who will tell you to buck up, get it together grouch, unball yourself from outta that corner, who can’t comprehend what exactly you’re going through (cause your life isn’t bad at all) because the truth is sometimes you can’t even comprehend that you can go through this life working, laughing, and pirouetting, thinking you are totally fine, but all this time loneliness has covertly been seeping into your insides and then working its way back out, so that by the time you realize what’s happening, you can feel it all over your body, from the hairs that stand up on your arms, to your pulsating fingertips, all the way into the polish that covers your toenails.

It is a sadness that you hope passes. And eventually it does. Brownies help. A good cry in the dark does wonders. Prayer works. Mental health days give you peace. Shifting the negative energy into something else (a hobby, exercise, a rum & coke - heh) makes you feel a wee bit better. Stuffing the green eyed monster back into his cage and putting on the padlock is a good starting place. Continuing to smile until even you believe it is so necessary. Resuming the working, laughing, and the pirouetting, so your eyes can return to their normal color.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

first comes baby, then comes marriage

2010-05-06T22:16:00.000-04:00

So this guy I used to know (and kick it with) is getting married in a few weeks. When I found out, you coulda knocked me over with a feather. Sure, marriage is the new black (along with bitches and bowties on bougie black men) but dude is 24. A young 24. A just outta college still trying to figure out his life 24.

And then I heard that his girlfriend was pregnant and that might be the reason for the quick nuptials. And I couldn't stop laughing. Cause this dude used to tell me how he wasn't ready for no kids, no serious relationships, no ties till he got into and finished grad school. Or maybe it was just me.

And he's not the only person I know rushing down the aisle after the boo came up preggers. I've heard a few stories about similar situations. But really!?! Where dey do dat at? The whole "we gots to get married cause we got ourselves pregnant by accident" thing.

First off, accidental pregnancies are the unicorns that people create to explain their inability to use the beaucoup forms of birth control available to them. If you are over the age of 25 (or even 21), you aint accidentally becoming pregnant. You want that baby, somewhere in the depths of your "I'm gon make this man marry me by having his baby" soul.

Secondly, why folks still rushing to the altar to hide an unseemly bastard child? It's 2010. We've seen enough marriages disintegrate after years of making it work till the kids go to college. Don't get me wrong. If ya'll love each other and were gonna do the damn thing at some point anyway, then getting all the way turnt up together for life is fine by me.

But marrying to erase the shame just seems so 1920's. Or 1980's. Or damn sure not 2010's. It just feels like NOT the best way to start a marriage. But what do I know? I've never been married or accidentally pregnant.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

fillin' up crates

2010-05-05T12:00:00.000-04:00

folks my office is moving and Bellini nees to pack her crates.
the movers will be here in 48 hours, so i got work to do...

i'll catch ya next week...

cheers,

Bellini

Leaving An Impression

2010-05-04T16:00:00.004-04:00

I don’t know about ya’ll, but when I get to heaven I have a few questions that Imma need to ask. Aside from the meaning of life, why is the sky blue and who shot JFK…I just really need to know why God made men and women so undeniably different! I know a billion books have been written on this subject, but I must know how the sexes are supposed to communicate with each other when we view and process this world so differently. If the question is what is a healthy side dish-I’m saying a tossed spinach salad with the dressing on the side and he’s saying doubled fried French fries. His qualifier-that vegetables are healthy and a potato is a vegetable. Is he wrong? No. But is he right? Still no. I wondered about this communication disconnect before, but since hanging out with a male on a regular basis I feel like there must be some inside joke that no one on this side of life has been privy to the punch line. Lord, you got to let me in on the joke, because I’m not understanding!

Picture this: Fight Party 2010. The couple hosting the party invited an assortment of friends. Folks from church, work and around the way all convening with the ghetto and the fabulous! The great equalizer food, drinks and half naked men hitting each other. For any single lady this was one of those golden opportunities to meet and greet a summer boo. So these chicks come in with their low cut shirts, thigh high dresses. They have on 3” heels and oodles of makeup. Just looking too fly…in someone’s townhouse!

So after the party I’m talking to my friend about the sights and sounds of the party. I’m giving him all sorts of back story about this woman named Nigeria who I feel doesn’t really like me for whatever reason and I finally had the chance to point her out to him. So I go Nigeria is the girl who had on the blue dress.

Him: Who’s Nigeria?
Me: The girl who had on the blue dress.
Him: I don’t know who you are talking about. When did she get there?
Me: Really? Cause she was there the whole time. You know that one who was dancing by herself to the music?
Him: *puzzled face*
Me: Nigeria! Blue dress!
Him: Oh the one with the big hips?
Me: Um, yes! Nigeria.
Him: Oh. I thought you were talking about the retarded looking girl.
Me: *internal dialog with self: was the retarded looking girl wearing a blue dress?! Heck no!*

I mean at that point I could have stabbed him with a plastic spoon! I understand that men are some times color blind…but a blue dress is a blue dress. And up until this conversation I thought men being visual included all things visual, but maybe it’s just the body parts that leave a mark on the minds of men folk. And in his defense Nigeria’s hips are usually one the first things people notice because they are enormous! But because folks are raised right and learn to speak through filters, I know not to comment on such things.

At any rate my friend went on to explain that men don’t really notice clothing. They notice how you carry yourself, if you are clean, etc and what you are working with. But who or what you got on-they careth not. So the light bulb came on and I was like basically women are just dressing for each other? And he was like, exactly. And maybe this is true across the board for men folk except for the Kanye’s and Fonzworth Bentleys of the world… Or maybe this is just for my friend. But I know now that if I want to point a chick out to him I better describe her face, butt or breast…otherwise he just didn’t notice, or at least has no idea what I am talking about. Ba-dump-ching.

See You In Seven

The Dates of Hazzard

2010-04-30T00:00:00.002-04:00

So, once when I was about 17 years old, my older cousin who is like a big brother to me, remarked the following whilst I was driving, “you drive on the offense, like you’re waiting for things to happen. You need to learn how to drive defensively and anticipate their actions. You know you gotta drive for the other people.”

So for some reason this has been one of those things that stuck with me and while it definitely made me a better driver – as I debate daily whether to remove myself completely from this dating pool, or just stick my feet in, or stay in the shallow end (can’t get my hair wet), or just say f-it and cannon ball on in – my cousin’s words have me thinking not about driving, but dating. Now follow me as I beat this metaphor like a dead horse (oh wait that’s a simile) and get my Carrie Bradshaw on and ask the following: Do you date on the offensive or the defensive?

Now after having this epiphany, I had to figure out what in the hell I was tryna say – cause when I tried to told Minty and Dark n Stormy about this concept, they were both like, “say whaaaa?!?!” Stormy immediately recognized the offensive dating part. Minty could kinda see where I was going with it. But what I was thinking was…

Defensive dating involves bringing all your past baggage, hurt, pain, pre-conceived notions to the next person you meet/encounter/exchange numbers with/go on a first date with/start to dig/wanna maybe build something with. And the next person. And the next. Anticipating their moves, in the same way you just knooow that erratic driver you been watching weave through lanes is gonna jump in front of you and not use their blinker – so you fall back a little to give them needed space while simultaneously cussing em out, “like so you just gonna get over huh?” Even though you knew it was coming! So yeah you just know that this nig is not gonna call you when he says he will. Can’t be trusted. Is full of bull followed by that ish. Will probably cheat on you. Wants to hit it on the first night (well that one’s probably true). Tee hee. But here you go doing the dating for them.

Stormy brought the idea of offensive dating into focus and I’ll spin it like this, that here in this modern day, post the one house phone and no call waiting era, when public phones are non existent, and when strangers can see each other without leaving their living rooms, there are women adhering to traditional dating methods. A man needs to ask me out. He needs to call me. He needs to choose me. I'm not gonna put myself out there. Oh no. Before I do that, I'd rather just stay home and wait for my man to come a-knocking. Well unless it’s gonna be the pizza guy – logic says you need to get out in the world.

And not necessarily go for every guy you see – but place yourself in situations that you enjoy (lectures, art shows, the club, happy hours, volunteer activities) and if there's a guy you fancy, step to him, see if there's mutual interest (don't be no fool now and start sweatin him - key word is mutual), but don't be afraid to put in some effort, make it known that you're available – I’m just guessing here of course because obviously I’m still single – but I feel compelled to follow in the steps of other single Black women and develop random/common sense type dating theories to share with the masses. Now, y'all me know if it works! And be sure to give me a shout out in the wedding toasts!

There are obvious problems with both approaches. Offensive dating leaves things up to chance. And while timing is a huge factor in finding the “one,” um, you have to leave the house. The same way you have to keep your eyes on the road and notice that there are cars up ahead that are braking before the car in front of you brakes. Defensive dating is dangerous because…well the reasons are pretty clear – I mean you’re not getting to know the person in front of you if you bring all the other peope who done did you wrong to the first date, hello, or smile. It’s like, maybe the car will surprise you and not just hop their happy ass on over. Maybe they’ll signal. And maybe they’ll give you the wave! Hey now! Wasn’t that a pleasant surprise?

I can say that there are times when I've done both. Sat on the sidelines, on some Jesus work it out and send me a man. And I've made presumptions and assumptions when I finally am with a man. If there's a happy medium, I haven't developed a clever name for it yet - but it involves dating with both eyes on the road, being actively on the lookout for others, and being willing to let them in.

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

petty pioneers

2010-04-28T13:00:00.001-04:00

time to venture to the wild, wild, west

at times we must reference history to understand the current musings of our days... back in the early 19th century, Americans wanted to expand and the promises of the gold rush was all it took for some to head west. quixiotic narratives of pioneers heading west and the trials and tribulations they endured, all stories surmised that the prioneers were big, bold, and brave...

and fast forward 200 years...

and you have the Southwest, the rust belt, retirement haven, causing some fuss - ok let's just isolate Arizona. Governor Jan Brewer, Senator John McCain and Co. figured they'll exercise state rights and firmly establish a police state. The Economist interviewed Arizona state senator, Mr. Russell Pearce, masterminder of Arizona's law, opines that the law "removes the handcuffs" from the police and sheriff deputies so they can do their work. Moreover he states, "illegal is not a race; it is a crime." Well aren't you crafty with words.

Little did Arizona know - that they will cause national ruckus or did they. Chief rabble rouser, Reverend Al is ready to bring it to the wild, wild, west. Let me ask this, where is Telemundo in all this? granted they're probably communicating in Spanish and I don't tune in for their regular programming. And all the nuyoricans in New England - what's up? and the Cubans in Miami. Now, the Chicanos in Texas and Cali are ready for this spirited fight. But I'm saying the Hispanic community, what's up?

According to the Economist, Arizona Latinos comprise 30% of the state's population and yet only 12% of the electorate. Interestingly enough, Hispanic American families who have lived here for generations are ambivalent. Unfortunately, they are either indifferent or don't care about their brethren south of the border. So, which one is it - (a) you're white and life is alright, (b) be'cuz you don't speak Spanish anymore - it's a technicality you happen to be Hispanic/ Latino, or (c) the onus is on the illegal immigrants to figure out the American way?

Some jewels of wisdom to our Latino brethren, if black folks make up 12% of the population nationally, and yet will shout, holler, and talk to death about issues, like we comprise 50% of the population nationally - then i need ya'll to beat your feet, cha cha the maracas, or do whateva to be heard.

cheers,

Bellini

Destined to Be...

2010-04-27T18:00:00.001-04:00

Do ya’ll remember that scene in the Matrix when Neo is speaking with the Oracle and she says something to the effect of “Later you are going to wonder if I really foresaw what I told you, or because I told you this that is why it happened.” I am sure I am misquoting all up and down, but it’s been like a decade since I’ve seen that movie. But the line, or the gist of the line kind of stuck with me. How much is this life is predestined and how much of it changes because of our actions…and are the two working in tandem? Now it is too late in the day to swim in the deep end of the meaning of life. But my believes on destiny verses sheer determination have evolved over the years and when I heard the following story it gave me pause…

My man friend who has a single male church friend (we’ll call him Church Boy) in his late 30’s who has never been married, but would like to tie the knot one day. On paper, Church Boy has never been married, no children, working on his PhD, currently working on being a multiple homeowner and is an avid health freak. By my friend’s accounts Church Boy isn’t crazy… so that qualifies Church Boy as a catch! So why is this man single? Asked all the single ladies. Well the answer is a little tricky, because there could be a myriad of reasons, but bear with me. A couple years ago while attending a church workshop a prophetess told Church Boy that he would marry a short dark skin woman with natural hair. But Church Boy tends to date tall light skin women with long relaxed hair…because that’s what he likes. So how can this be? Should this even be believed? When my friend told me this story I wanted to ask if the prophetess was a short dark skin woman with locks (tee hee)…because I don’t put nothing pass church folks, especially single, never been married women!

To a degree my friend thinks Church Boy believes this prophesy because of his lack of a wifey and personal belief that he is a catch. But would Church Boy even have entertained this-destiny or not-if someone-a prophet for that matter-hadn’t told him so? My dad often said that he could have told me my middle name was Mudpie because how would I have know any better? Short answer-I wouldn’t until I learned to read and saw my birth certificate!

So maybe this post is less about destiny and determination, but more about trusting the source of our information. Surely if my friend had told Church Boy the same vision of his future wife, Church Boy would have scoffed, laughed and then asked him what he was dranking on. Just like if my friend Sally Lu from down the street had told me she knew my middle name was Mudpie I wouldn't have believed her for a second! I would have told her my middle name was Princess, and I was rubber and she was glue…so she was the Mudpie!

So the question of the day is…in this world of instantaneous gratification, internet, charlatans and photoshop how will we know who to believe and what we should believe in? I hope we aren't just destined to be fooled.

See You In Seven

The List

2010-04-26T08:50:00.002-04:00

Sometimes over the weekend I allow myself to watch a show I consider non-sense to give my over thinking mind a break, knowing that, all that is going to happen is that I end up thinking some more about something else. This weekend I watched "What Chilli Wants" and let's just say I won't be watching another episode unless somebody forces me to, after telling me every detail of the episode. I understand making some money from the show and match-maker chick pushing her book and match-making skills but I am just not interested. This whole searching for man topic is old and exhausting. I am not sure what is going on right now... whether this is a conspiracy for black men to get black women to lower their standards so they could get a black woman to give them the time of day or a major distraction from what really going on in the world. What IS this?! I am having a hard time understanding why this is the next issue under attack with our race. Are black women secretly taking over the world and therefore they need to start making us doubt ourselves in efforts to slow us down. I say bring the change if this is the case!

A big point in the show is this list that Chilli has and how her man needs to meet most of them. The discussion of list always cracks me up and I am not even quite sure where this list idea came from in general. It made me think, do my friends have lists? And more importantly, what is my list? Again, what is my list? So I started writing and then I realized almost everything I wrote on my list I would compromise given the appropriate circumstance. Does that make me easy? (sigh) Back to the list. Given that I have been down this fall-in-love-get-married-live-happily-ever-after road before, I also wonder whether my list has changed. I don't think it has.

If I had to get to the nuts and bolts of my list it would be...

An emotionally mature individual that understands change, has a desire (fire) to be and do better, eager to learn and to share, respectful of things that are different from the norm, welcomes growth, ambitious, wise, loving, forgiving, sees beyond the aesthetics, views his excuses as personal challenges, supportive constructively and lastly, makes me laugh! This must be consistent.

These are all the things I concluded I just can't compromise on. At first my list was definitely that he needed to have a job, be educated, handsome, etc. but then I realized if you have the qualities listed above all that other things I listed before fall into place. Well at least that is how I see it.

This is how I live myself and I truly believe if I continue to live me life holding true to what I deem important then I will attract those qualities in others. Amaretto is always telling me that I attractive negative folks but I think I attract negative and positive personalities. My problem is I have yet to learn how to filter. How do you tell Mr. Handsome peace out, when he keeps calling? He knows the criteria (aka the list) but he does a lousy job at fulfilling them. The problem is he isn't consistent. What is a girl supposed to do with that? Well in the the friend/acquaintance box you will stay. I can't grant you the job just because you are attractive hence why those items don't exist on my list. (sigh)

Much luv until next week... peace :)

My Latest, Greatest Inspiration

2010-04-23T00:00:00.001-04:00

As Wednesday evening drew to a close, Minty mentioned that Steve Harvey was gonna be on Nightline. I guess I was the only Black woman who didn’t know about this, so I genuinely asked, “for why?” For a discussion on why Black women are single of course. Of course. And since I was gonna be off on Thursday, I decided to tune in.

Y’all. There are no words. And yet there are many words. Other than the fact that I think the media and the man have conspired to keep putting out these stories, so Black women will just kill themselves, thus eliminating the Black race – I also think it’s a shame that these are the voices that are speaking on this issue. I mean W.E.B. DuBois wrote that the problem of the 20th century would be the color line. Ida B. Wells spent a good portion of her life writing against lynching. James Baldwin came with the fire next time.

But apparently in the 21st century, the issue that is most pressing for Black folk is not education, it's not crime, it's not economics - nope. It's why are all these single, successful Black women single? And for the answers. Let's go to the "experts" - Steve Harvey, Sherri Shepherd, Hill Harper, Jacque Reid, and some random dude with dreadlocks. Yes, I think this is what Dr. King was talmbout when he said he had seen the Promised Land – his vision clearly involved a national platform for Negroes to look foolish. Now that's equal opportunity. We done arrived y'all!

But aside from alladat. The one word that kept being repeated was ‘potential’. You just need to find yo’self a man with potential. Never mind that this is never really described – it’s just this vague notion - like ignore that man's bad credit, two baby mamas, and prison record - and pay attention to his business plan scribbled on that cocktail napkin. He has potential! And when an example is needed, well we can just pull out the trusty Obamas. Don't you see, Black women, Barack had potential? Every Black man just might be a President in waiting. Umm…no. As Sherri pointed out – he also had/s a Harvard Law Degree. And dare I say a plan? So, this leads me to repeat a kernel of wisdom I heard recently –

AMBITION IS DIFFERENT FROM POTENTIAL!

I mean in theory, if we are all God's chillun, then we all have potential to be great. But do we all have the ambition to get there? Me thinks not.

But what I have really been wondering about (mainly due to traumatic events that have happened in my own "love" life) is how much can a partner influence or inspire someone to be "great?" Or to fulfill their potential? This is a debate that MJ and I have all the time. I feel like there's a fine line between supporting someone’s dreams and dreaming for them. Here are two examples that come to mind.

Scenario A: Y’all remember how on Girlfriends (yeah I don't have cable), William wanted to be Senior Partner, but he just couldn’t quite get there. Enter Monica. As William remarked, she was the, “right, conniving woman by his side.” First of all she went after him knowing that he had “potential”. And then once she got him, she pushed him. Hoard. Urged him to think bigger. Dream more. Smooth talked her way to having him host that Christmas party for the partners. And then said, “when you become President….” To which he replied, “I could never become President.” And she went on about how he wasn’t built for a life of mediocrity - that he deserved more. So I ask, did he always want more? And just didn't know how to get it on his own? If he hadn't gotten to be Senior Partner, would he have kept pressing or settled? Did she dream for him? Or were these dreams all his own and he just needed her to help bring them to fruition?

Scenario B: My cousin was in his thirties living an aimless life. Waiting tables, drankin and smokin hard, fake taking a college class here and there. Some woman (and because of Bellini’s post this week – I’ll set the table and say she is Anglo) came along and fell in love with him. I mean my cousin is intelligent, funny and has a sparkling personality. But once they got together she was clearly unhappy with his lack of goals. Now while he had kept saying to us, “I’m gonna go to nursing school. I will.” It wasn’t until he hooked up with her and she made her intentions known – marriage and babies and this waiting tables ain’t gon fly – that he actually enrolled in school and is doing great. They are both living with his mama (my aunt), have both stopped smoking, are saving money, and have plans to move to the West Coast where she’s from when he’s done with school and has secured employment. So, did my cousin have the potential and just needed someone to help direct him? Was there ambition hidden somewhere inside him and she had to dig deep and find it? Or maybe it was perculating on the surface and she knew what to do with it. And dare I ask, if a Black woman would have even glanced in his direction if he had stepped (like literally stepped cause he doesn't have a car) to her after clearing her plate from the table.* Heh.

So can you inspire someone to be great? Or must they have a desire (that mayhap they kept hidden from the world for fear of ridicule) and you're the first person to come along and say, 'no you can do this.' But more importantly - I will help you get there. This seems like a very wobbly table on which to build your relationship. And I always thought that true partnership involves both people encouraging each other to swim a river, climb a hill, reach for the stars. And taking turns to give each other a needed push to keep going. But of course that's the ideal. And I don't know if I have time for alladay cause my clock is a'tickin. So, today, I'm gonna be like a Tyler Perry character, soften my skrongness, and find the potential in the gold tooth, kinda short, got three daughters he's trying to get custody of from his crazy baby mama, UPS man, named Jamal. With me by his side, we fina take over the world y'all! Watch out now...

That’s my time y’all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

*The only good thing that came out of the Nightline discussion was the following story - that back in the dizzay, Hill (allegedly - I'm still givin him the o_O) whilst he was waiting tables, just tryna get one acting gig, approached Sherri at a Taco Bell. And she said, "you ain't even pull up in nothing. I need a man who's pulling up in something." Sherri tried to explain herself, talmbout she was saving money for a car and was on some 'how we gon' get round on your bus pass?' So she couldn't go for that. So Hill came back with, "but I had potential." Ouch! And the crowd coes wild as if Holyfield has just won the fight. :-)

why can't sherri find a man?

2010-04-22T22:30:00.001-04:00

by now you've all probably seen that excuse for real dialouge: nightline face off -- why successful black women can't find a man?

so what did you think? really i wanna know. i could write a post discussing the ridculousness of it all but i'd rather read your comments.

i do have a few takeaways:

1. sherri shepherd is evil, EVIL!!! (in Marcus' voice from Why Did I Get Married?). she is bitter and angry and should never ever ever ever (ever ever) speak for single black women again.

2. why can't a discussion about black women and getting married include black psychologists, sociologists, writers, thinkers, happily married only 1 or even 2 times (i'm lookin at you Steve), non-dysfunctional folk? the people on the panel had no credibility in my opinion, no knowledge base to tell any single person about getting and staying married. vsb p said it best:

Having suspect ass “dating experts” tell suspect ass single women why they can’t get a man

Steve Harvey, Hill Harper, and Jimi Izreal? Really? Sherri “my hips are too gone to box with God” and Jacque “How’d I End Up On this Panel” Reed? Overmarried, undermarried and overmarried? Oversingle and Ovaries on fire? Really Nightline? You gonna tell Black women they can’t find a man by having a bad comic, a gay dude, and a dude who’s shirt hates women chop it up with two women who can’t find a man for good reasons? That right there, ninja? That sh*t right there?

Is just disrespectful.

3. i hate when people say things to sound deep but just end up repeating some cliche or "reframing the question/issue/topic," making you scratch your head like huh? for example: helena andrews prolific soundbite: blah blah blah the question shouldn't be why can't successful black women find a man, it should be can we find each other? ahhhh yessss. that's it. the bitch is the new black has solved our relationship problems. we asking the wrong questions.

what say ya'll?

The All American Team

2010-04-21T15:45:00.002-04:00

A Message from Amaretto: Greetings and salutations all! It's been one of those weeks where I have spent countless hours and dollars dealing with various departments of motor vehicles and have concluded that customer service has been replaced by sheer evil and it's cousin stank a** attitude! While I'm still processing my DMV tramas I bring you a post from A MAN... Our dear ole pal and sometimes possible Mudslide!

Enjoy! See You In Seven

Being a fan of all types of sports, I often enjoy a few games of basketball, watch the baseball World Series and indulge in a few NFL games a weekend during the season. I couldn’t help but notice the change in all 3 of the major American sports. I’m not talking about the change of rules, uniforms, player athleticism, or lack of discipline… but rather the change in the race of the each sport’s SUPERSTAR.

No disrespect to my Latin and Asian brethren and sisteren-but for this post I’m really focusing on the white and black players, especially since these two races have been stewing in the American melting pot for awhile now.

Baseball – America’s favorite pastime? Where are all the negroes???? Gone are the days of black superstars like Willie Mays, Jackie Robinson, Hank Aaron, and Reggie Jackson or more recent stars like Ken Griffey Jr. and Barry Bonds (wait, scratch off Barry), Darryl Strawberry. (that’s really been all the superstars in the last 20 yrs…really). Currently the game is completely being dominated by people from the Dominican Republic, Cuba and white Americans. The numbers of black Americans (not just superstars) has dwindled enormously. My prediction: in 10-15 years there will be no black Americans in baseball.

Basketball – Ummm… white American superstars don’t exist here. On to the next…

Football – Football may contain the most diverse group of superstars out of all three sports. But if you really look at it… the positions in football are not all that diverse. If you need someone to run the ball… get a black guy. If you need someone to throw the ball, get a white guy. If you need someone to hit or cover – black guy. Kicker, blocker or big 300lbs+ guy – white dude. If you don’t believe me, take a glimpse at the NFL draft this week or reflect on this past Super Bowl (booooo Saints). Show me a white superstar running back or a hall of fame black QB in the last 20 years. Yes, there are few current exceptions to the good black QB like Donovan McNabb and...ummm…well…Donovan McNabb. And white running backs?? Heck, forget a white superstar running back, show me a starting white running back!

Okay, but back to basketball. Jordan vs. Bird and Magic vs. Bird. Seriously, who has there been since Larry Bird... maybe John Stockton from the Utah Jazz? The USA Olympic team hasn’t had a single white guy on the Olympic team since Stockton in 1996 and he was the only one…the rest were black. In the last ten years, the NBA All-Star game has had only 4 white American players out of 267 (2 of em played in the 2010 game). However, there have been plenty of European players selected for the All-Star game and of course they play for their own countries during the Olympics. You can’t tell me that there aren’t any whites guys that can play ball. The NCAA is full of em, but somehow and for some reason they don’t make it to the NBA. Yes, I’ve heard that white guys can’t jump, but Europeans don’t really jump out the gym either and there are more of them in the NBA than whites. So I guess I have to plan to wear a Bird throwback jersey indefinitely if I’m going to cheer for a white superstar in the NBA.

For America to be the big melting pot of races, and with sports having a huge impact on our economy and culture, we really don’t have a good representation of white and black folks. Maybe this is all in my dream world of sports… to have a team of black and white American superstars across the board. Aren’t we all just people? Black men can throw footballs just like white men can dunk, but our professional sport teams don’t support this idea. I guess this is a reality that I have to accept, not expect much change.

At least tennis, golf, boxing, auto racing, soccer, hockey and in the other Olympic sports there is a pretty even race representation... it’s just unfortunate that I see this race melting on the teams for other countries. Maybe one day I'll live to see an all American team!

Mudslide

preface with disclaimer

2010-04-20T14:00:00.000-04:00

back in the college days whenever i shared some stories about black folks who happen to be Greek, yet omitted that fact - it drove Rummy crazzzyyyy!!! LOL

she felt i denied her of wearing her rose-colored glasses so that the story would have the necessary hue... remember this tidbit as i proceed to tell you about a lunch encounter with some coworkers.

so yesterday, two co-workers decided to have lunch together. we discussed signs and their significance, the role of sexual attraction, distinguished between friends and friends with benefits, etc... now one of my co-workers, *Akemi shares that a guy she views as her lil' brother is dating an older woman. here are a quick few stats...

youngin' is 22
cougar is 31

youngin' definitely cares about cougar
cougar likes a boytoy

cougar wants kids
youngin' is not ready for kids right now

do you all need more stats?

so, i ask Akemi, "how is this gonna work for the long-term?"
'cuz she probably has career stability and fatter 401K than he
and as my stylist just mentioned last week you don't want to be wrinklin' and envy his super fineness!

as i continued to devise additional scenarios that could plague this union...
Akemi mentions by the way she's white

sigh

"girl, why you didn't you tell Bellini this in the beginning?"

so, my other co-worker, DC All-Star states white women are submissive and yet Bellini's face expressed reservation about the comment. Akemi picked up my sentiments and said, "No-they're more accomodating."

Yup, Bellini could live with that. All that other shit I listed that could be potential problems are neither here nor there; this relationship odds are slightly better now.

initially, when Akemi was sharing the story, i know too many sistas that would never compromise to make a relationship of those dynamics work. and really, i think the baby issue will be a thorn to both backsides.

and what happens if cougar becomes pregnant and decides to keep "her" baby and ensure the baby is accustomed to a lifestyle she can definitely afford and the father is not. and he becomes resentful because cougar was aware of his situation... so many potential headaches...

was the disclaimer really needed or is Bellini buggin'

things that make you go hmmmm....

cheers,

Bellini

Sweetheart, all you got to tell me...

2010-04-19T08:36:00.002-04:00

I will never understand why all these hoes are coming out... are they really getting paid that much? Do they not understand that out the gate, they are at the disadvantage? For odd reason we rather believe the man before we believe the woman. Then when she presents the evidence, people start believing. Let's not forget the infamous dress. But what happens when she can't present the proof? It goes right back to believing the man.

Case and Point: Not that I really cared about Kat, but Nelly just put you on blast!? How in 5 minutes could you not drop just a little bit of fact. That is how you build anticipation for your book. Put Nelly in his place... BUT you couldn't. (sigh) Now what?

I am glad he said something, even if he could have possibly been lying and it was funny... check it out.

The Dating Ten(ets)

2010-04-16T11:16:00.009-04:00

Looking For Your Daddy Series - Volume 1, Issue 3

We haven't done one of these in awhile. So let's get it. Rum Punch's Dating Top Ten! Top Ten what? Observations? Random Musings? Recent experiences that seem to be leading to jaded perspectives? Idk. But it's all totally based off how I feel this week. Things are always subject to change if someone decent comes along...

10. Whoever said dating was fun, lied to themselves. And then to the masses. There is this movie called Half Nelson, about a white teacher who works in the inner city and is addicted to crack. The writer/director can't remember which said he wanted to show the tedium of drug use, unlike most movies that show the euphoria. And wow did they ever - cause by the time he lit that crack pipe for like the 50leventh time, you were ready to snatch it out his hand and take his ass to rehab. Like word? Are you smoking again?! And that's how I feel about dating. On the surface - Fun! Exciting! A new person! Let's just be easy, breezy, beautiful Cover Girl and see where it goes! Oh but get past the bone and down to the marrow - tedium.

9. A Black girl is listening to the gospel station whilst looking for parking to go on a date with a Jewish man. This is not the beginning of a joke. This was me last Sunday – off to try something new!

8. And while Jewish man was buying us drinks, a handsome black man came over to me and tried to holla. Rum Punch looks down at herself and has apparently exchanged places with Sanna Lathan. Looks into the cameras, like word? Really? Cause this neva eva happens any other time. As Black guy chats me up, Jewish man comes with drinks – Black guy looks at me with a quizzical stare, like, “this you?” Snicker from him. Yeah. That’s me.

7. Men should talk more. Or else I’m fina get off this phone.

6. But not too much. Don’t need to hear bout that failed marriage, the houses you used to own, and what you had for breakfast all in the first 10 minutes.

5. I met a guy who I thought was cool. And he actually called! And not that textassness! Say whaaa? Ladies and our one gent reader, we have a potential candidate! Only I have now learned that he’s way older. Like way older than I thought. This would explain why he calls, probably "can't" text. Heh. Sometimes black should crack. Sigh.

4. Internet dating is. For other people. Whose name is not Rum Punch.

3. However, an internet dating site did match me up with a guy who I’m already cool with. Color me surprised and kinda intrigued. Do they know something I don’t? Or did they set us up cause we’re both Black and live in the urrea?

2. I wanna be excited about my next date. Like oooo he makes me kinda nervous, what am I gonna wear, where we gonna go, I might could like him kinda excited. Not I’ma just keep on this outfit I wore to church and then to this play and then lounged around in for the rest of the afternoon and meet him at 7, meh.

1. But until that occurs, I guess I'll keep lighting up this dating crack pipe and go back out there. And have fun! Or something that looks like it. And be open to what the universe brings me! And just do me! And see what happens. And other cliches.

That's my time y'all! Happy Rum Punch Friday!

Groovin' hard to this on Monday night is how I caught my old man. Curse me and my love for the oldies...

video of the week

2010-04-15T22:22:00.000-04:00

cause i'm not feelin much like anything today, a video for your viewing pleasure.

the modern day matchmaker...

cheesy but oh so good.

People Who Annoy You!

2010-04-13T22:15:00.001-04:00

So it's been that type of day. Work craziness mostly. What else is new when most of my time is spent at the job? Children beware, party and bullsh*t for as long as possible! But aside from work politics and coworkers. I find other things annoying such as the following:

How are you going to get mad at me for not giving you any change and you are begging for money?! N-ggers!

How are you going complain that they are shutting down the neighborhood grocery store and you and you're kids are stealing from it?! N-ggers!

How are you going to be a fried chicken establishment and run out of fried chicken?! N-ggers!

I have never been a fan of South Park but I googly eyes love this episode...for so many reasons! And today I just felt like laughing and smiling!

See You In Seven

Random Thoughts

2010-04-12T13:34:00.004-04:00

1. You ever have one of those days where you just ain't trying to go into work? Today is one of those days. (deep sigh) So I put on my head phones and listen to Kid Cudi 'Simple As That". I get me through these rough days... "Simple as that for your simple a$$" Wish I could get this on a t-shirt.

2. Could I get three 26 hour days in the week, please? Ones that are off-limits to my employer.

3. Did anyone watch the premier of Basketball wives? From the clips... it looks like it is off to a good start. Although, what is with these titles... only two of them are actual wives?! Royce are you serious? You really can't judge a book by it's cover. Really Royce? You know you should have kept that behind closed doors. And already the ladies are talking about I am not trying to around that!!!

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4. Shaq is a fool... I am cracking up! So much for the funk I was in this morning.